Thursday, March 06, 2008

Should I Show You My Moon Or My Pie.......Oh Heck, I'll Show You Both!

Let's talk about inevitability, shall we? It's inevitable that the moment you sneak a quick nose pick in public you'll suddenly see someone you know staring back at you with a look of disgust. It's inevitable that you'll lean over at a Church Potluck Supper to remark something like, "Who brought that dish over there? It looks like the actual bowl of green, greasy gopher guts from that song," to the very person who cooked up the offensive food. It's also inevitable that my mini-Infidels will tell me of their impending projects at the last possible minute.
Fortunately, I've come to rely on the power of The Mighty Moon Pie to solve all my problems. So when Infidel Daughter The Second needed to pull together a lesson for her Activity Day meeting at Church, we opted to make the flower pot cuties above. We followed the recipe precisely. Disappointingly, as much as we poked and stabbed the lollipop sticks into the sandwich cookies like crazed junkies with needles, they refused to stay. Then divine providence struck. I turned to my old emergency stand-by, The Mighty Moon Pie and was able to pull together these blossoming beauties lickety-split. (Yeah. I said lickety-split. And?)

You see there is no problem too big or too small that can't be solved using the wonders of The Mighty Moon Pie. Need a little padding in the cups of a saggy bra? Stuff a couple of rounded Moon Pies in there to give the appearance of a naturally curvaceous bosom.....the cleavage heat will ensure a tasty little marshmallow-creme treat for later, too! Yes, there's at least 101 uses for a faithful sidekick like the moon pie. Behold:

One time, back in the day, I was getting ready to go to the club, but I couldn't find my giant gold hoop earrings. Two hollowed-out banana moon pies later, and I was ghetto fabulousness personified! As an added bonus, the allure of the banana scent had every man going ape-sheet over me, too.

There's no racial tension in the world of The Mighty Moon Pie. We could learn a lot from a moon pie. Ebony and ivory, living together in perfect harmony, side by side on my cutting board.

When 8 year-old Caterpillar bitterly complained that Polly Pocket never got to go on vacation, I fashioned Polly her very own Polly Pocket Temptation Island complete with a palm tree. I did not include a margarita machine or Peter Pocket, though. The last thing I want is tiny illegitimate Pocket babies with all their magnetic accessories littering the floor of my house. I got enough kids to worry about around here.

The moon pie's waxy layers makes it a perfect choice as a substitute coaster when you realize you didn't buy enough for your family get-together; not that your redneck relatives will actually utilize them when plopping their generic cola cans down on your furniture. As you can see, they're also easily personalized.

Yes, The Mighty Moon Pie is indeed a national treasure of staggering proportions and should be revered as such. Recently discovered documents reveal that Islamic terrorists plan to invade our country in order to wrest away control of the original moon pie factory in Tennessee. They want to butcher our beloved moon pies into half-moon pies as pictured above, just to break down our morale and satisfy their own maniacally egotistical ways........we musn't let them win!




Don't forget to clickety HERE for me! Gracias!
Humor-Blogs.com

35 comments:

Bee said...

Uno!

Bee said...

Woman you have no limitations! You are not only unbelievably funny, you are also an artist when showing us the moon!

Bee said...

I will be laying out my moon pie coasters ASAP! It's also a treat in case I get hungry while dusting... mmmmm.

Jean Knee said...

I wondwer how a moon pie would taste in the waffle maker 4000. delectible, no doubt.

Jean Knee said...

i NEED DETAILS HERE, DO YOU FROST THOSE PIES TO GET THE CANDY TO STICK? WHATS IN THE CONES

IT SAYS PARTY ALL OVER IT

Millie said...

Only you could make "moon" and "pie" seem so dirty, you dirty girl. :)

Your creativity astounds me. I weep in shame over my cheese wax nose and lips.

glittersmama said...

If I hadn't just eaten a caramel apple empanada from Taco Bell and a cone from Dairy Queen for dinner, I would be headed straight to the gas station to get some moon pie. Maybe I could pick up a cutie at the nacho station as well.

Rebecca said...

That's the only way you'll ever get away with mooning anyone at church and have them thank you for it!

Those flowers are really cute!

JustRandi said...

When I saw the post was going to be about moon art I was a little worried.

But those flowers are darling!

the Bag Lady said...

What are these moon pies of which you speak? The Bag Lady thinks perhaps we don't have them in Canuck-land. She originally thought they were like ice-cream sandwiches, and was shivering mightily at the thought of putting them in her bra! (She might be Canadian and accustomed to the cold, but thought that was just a little extreme...brrrr). But her dial-up connection finally finished loading the photos (after she put on a sweater), so she realizes they are some sort of indestructible, unidentifiable yummy treat of the sort that comes in those funny little cellophane packets. Is she right?

Tori :) said...

I am so impressed Elastic!! You never cease to amaze me!

NOBODY said...

I'm with Glittersmama, that was quite a sell on moon pies.
I think I'm too far north though. Here we just have fried twinkies and stuff like that.

You are multi-talented though and the flowers are cute.

Elizabeth-W said...

My fave is the Polly on the Island. You are going to be called to be RS Enrichment night leader if you don't curb that creativity.

Jill said...

I have a strange relationship with moon pies. I don't like them, yet, I can't stop eating them..........

Loved this post.

omar said...

I'll admit that I've always kind of shunned Moon Pies, because as a pie fanatic (or maybe pie snob), I don't think those have any business being called "pies."

But now I'll associate them with curvaceous bosoms.

See how powerful you are, Elastic? You're changing the way I think.

Nancy Face said...

My hubby loves Moon Pies more than just about any treat...imagine his delight if I suddenly developed curvaceous bosoms that were edible, too! ;)

Stacey said...

Who da mom? Look at you and your mooning self. When I grow up I want to be like you.

No Cool Story said...

This post almost makes me like Moon Pies.

Almost.
Well done my friend ;)

compulsive writer said...

"I was ghetto fabulousness personified"

You really rocked my world with that one girlfriend.

And now I feel completely deprived because I've never even seen a moon pie.

Sketchy said...

After all that I'm sorry to admit I've never had a moon pie. Nope not one.

aubrey said...

nice banana moon pie hoops. ghetoo fabulous, i agree!

It's Just me! said...

I wanna come to your house! You are a fun mooning mom. I love moon pies but can't seem to keep them in my bra long. Just have that urge to munch on them! (the pies of course!)

shay said...

I am unfamiliar with the moon pie but am interested to know more...hmmmm...
Are they "wagon wheels"? But in flavors?! YUM!
I was deprived of all things sugary and packaged in my youth so their many uses are unknown to me!

Amber said...

How is it I have never even heard of moon pies? Well, at least ones that do not involve flashing your butt. Oh wait. Wrong moon.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

STOP! DISCLAIMER TIME:
As a food snob who hates stuff with weird textures, I can't stand eating moon pies. That's why I've thought of genius moon pie uses because they're really not all that edible.

The outer coating is so waxy thatyou could stick a wick into the middle and use them as emergency candles. They're so waxy that they could be melted down and used to sculpt another useless Spice Girl statue for the Wax Museum.

I bought these moon pies at the 99 cents only store. The banana ones are moon pie minis. The others are actually double-decker moon pies. Yeah, double-decker. Twice as much wax to light up your home in case of a power outage.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Jean Knee- Everytime I say your name I think of the General Electric commercial...."GE, we bring good things to life!"

Here's the recipe:
Flower Pot Cupcakes

They had Mike and Ike candies on clearance so we used those and Skittles as the candy. And of course we used mini moon pies for the flower part instead of sandwich cookies because they worked better.

Annie said...

There is no limit to your creativity. No ebb, no flow, just a constant deluge.

Palm Springs Savant said...

love me some of them there moon pies too!

BarnGoddess said...

lol, I have never seen so many flavors of moon pies. I want one now!

lmao at the polly pocket.....great

No Cool Story said...

ITA with Annie!

DELUGE!!!!!!

Chris said...

Me lady, picking one's tunnel of dreams takes a lot of skill and, of course, kahones.

I am, however, blessed with both in abundance.

That sounded so, so wrong.

jams o donnell said...

What wonderful uses for moon pie.. we call them Wagon Wheels in merrie Englande.. and they've gotten smaller since I was a kid, Bah!

Lisa said...

Such food creativity! I don't think I have ever tasted a moon pie. Thanks for the warning...I will keep that status. The flower pots are TOO cute!!

Melissa said...

You are a creative mastermind! I bet the girls loved making the moon pie flowers for activity days!

Lauren said...

All hail magnificent moon pies!!!!