Sunday, April 27, 2008

Prayers Are Needed To Make These Mean Machines Into Clean Machines!

We need divine intervention to soften the steely-cold hearts of the Kitchen-Aid appliance manufacturers and to let them know that while we despise the ideals of Communism and how it crushes religion, we still love them as a company and maker of fine cooking apparatus.

How do I know that Kitchen-Aid has gone Commie on us? Well in addition to their bright red corporate logo lettering, Sunbum and I spotted these disturbing anti-religious stickers adorning their floor sample models.

Yes, it reads: DO NOT IMMERSE IN WATER


That's sad, really, because without immersion how can this stand-mixer ever feel truly clean? Sure it has a lifetime guarantee but what good is a life filled with the heartbreak of internal filth?

I can only hope that missionary stand-mixers will find the fortitude to minister unto these floundering flocks; perhaps even convincing them to shed their stickers and become cleansed through the power of immersion.

20 comments:

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

This post only works if you remember that my faith believes that the only true way to baptize is baptism through immersion. :)

My daughter noticed the stickers first. She's has religious righteousness on the min 24/7!

I do too when I'm not thinking about nachos, saggy bras, SPAM on sale, shooting my neighbor's yappy dog with a BB gun, Wendy's chicken sandwiches, burning down my house for insurance money.......

damon said...

You can add George Forman grilles to your list too. Same sticker, same evil potential.

clickin for ya, for a hb return?

Elizabeth-W said...

We need to find out what percentage of your readership is Mo :)
(that's short for Mormon, for all you nomos)
Go eat a Chick Fil A for me...we don't have 'em here :(

Sunbum said...

Sunbum is so awesome! Is she not?

Sunbum said...

Ha! I commented on your Blog. Suprised?

Rebecca said...

I'm double-mo. Mormon and lives in Missouri.

Poor mixer. You see anti-religion sentiment everywhere these days.

VE said...

No, but they do wonderful immersed in lubricants. Oh wait, I got that all confused with the missionary mixer...

glittersmama said...

It's good of you to care for the eternal salvation of those steely appliances.

Stacey said...

Who does kitchen aid think they are?? Haven't they heard of free agency?

Millie said...

This is fun

I started to watch Cry-Baby with Johnny Depp today but then someone in the movie - Ricki Lake, actually - said a naughty word and I had to turn it off.

(Speaking of things that need to be washed clean)

Jean Knee said...

ha, I got nothing here. must be the prozac

Bee said...

I knew they were evil! I just thought it was because they would require lots of work on my part so I'm glad you cleared things up!

Alice said...

I was going to get all deep about physically clean vs. spiritually clean, but then I read about you shooting a yappy dog with a BB gun and was thinking I might hire you for a few neighbors of mine right after I declared you soul sister.

Hey It's Di said...

I guess my Kitchen-Aid will have to join my electric frying pan in the cupboard of outer darkness. I just can't have this going on in my kitchen.

I think the sticker says "Do not remove by penalty of the law". I think they are doomed!

jams o donnell said...

Ah EWBL, I have two other explanations for the sign:

a) it is a catholic appliance and thus only needs a little splash of water as a baby

b) It's a catholic appliance but of the Opus Dei persuasion - in which case baptism entails a wire wool brush and scouring powder!

Suzanne said...

LOL! That is all. :)

BarnGoddess said...

this post makes me want to go and rip off the tag on my new mattress...the one that says DO NOT REMOVE!

Melissa said...

Love the new header :D
I love that your daughter is concerned for the welfare of the every day kitchen appliance. It's good to know that she is in the world, but not of the world...

Nancy Face said...

Woman, YOU ARE SO FUNNY! :D

I love the post, I love the comments...I even love my evil unwashed Kitchen-Aid stand mixer...yeah, the one I've had for several years and STILL don't know how to use! :0

Nancy Face said...

No, really, I'm serious!