Wednesday, April 23, 2008

The Immigration Debacle Has Hit Way Too Close To The Infidel Home

Apparently all roads lead to the Infidel backyard for a certain downtrodden undocumented immigrant who elected to escape their festering and blighted homeland in search of a place where they can bring their young to thrive and grow.

Many government officials believe that by simply constructing a border fence you can stem the tide of illegal immigration, but this is simply not true. The ones invading our backyard have thwarted all boundary markers and fencing by cleverly burrowing under to make it to the other side. In some instances the illegals went right through the narrow cracks in the fence in a desperate attempt to survive.

Every year, their numbers swell to greater heights, too. What started as a few rogue travelers has metastasized into an entire colony right in the back corner of the Infidel homestead.

We're a charitable family, so we do make sure to give water to our uninvited guests so that they may better withstand working all day out underneath the blazingly-hot Houston sun. But there's a price for our kindness. We silently watch and wait as their skin grows ever darker. When the time is right we bring them inside....... and then we squeeze them dry.

See, that's the price they pay for coming into our yard with Green Leaves aplenty but no discernible Green Card........


Here's a Sampling Picture Of The Latest Illegal Round-Up On The Infidel Ranch. The Prisoners Are First Detained, Then Questioned, De-Seeded, And Promptly Eaten For Their Trespassing Crimes.

This Is The Virtually Uninhabitable Land Of Their Birth That Lies Yonder From Our Property Into Neighboring Territories. Who Can Really Blame Them For Fleeing This Cluttered Pit In Search Of An Infidel Sanctuary?


Two Years Ago We Encountered A Few Strays Along The Border. They Must Have Gone Back Home And Told Their Families They Found The Promised Land In Our Backyard Because This Year They Stretch From One Fence Post To Another. Their Migratory Pattern Looks Like They're Heading Northwards. I Found A Berry Growing By The Back Door Which Confirmed My Suspicions. Neil Diamond Is Probably Somewhere Encouraging Them By Singing "Everywhere Around The World, Keep Coming To The Infidel. Got A Dream To Take Them There, Keep Coming To The Infidel....TODAY!"


And Here's One Of Our Specially Trained Border Patrol Agents. We Warned Our Agent About Coddling And Handling The Detainees Without Special Protective Gear But She Refused To Listen......

I Guess She'll Just Have To Learn The Hard Way Like I Did That These Suckers Ain't Giving Up Without A Fight!

We Also Have To Contend With This Coyote Who's Determined To Hamper Our Round-Up Efforts By Promising The Trespassers Safe Passage And Then Smuggling Them Away.....In His Mouth!
I'm concerned that I'll face serious repercussions for posting this. I even run the risk of being brought up on double agent charges, but illegal immigration has proved beneficial for us by providing low-cost and flavorful meal supplements. I hope they all return next year!

28 comments:

nora.lakehurst said...

I love them kinds of berries. I hope you are enjoying them. I would be if I had any of those. Yummer.

Melissa said...

I need to come and help you. This looks like a job that is just too big for you and your Ninja Spork Fighters...you need to bring in the Jackson Five for Fighting to help! :)

glittersmama said...

I like your new profile picture. Very hot!

Tracy said...

How do you deseed them? I've always just eaten them seeds and all.

I say "Enjoy them while they last and act like you know nothin later!"

Elizabeth-W said...

Which is worse? To be outside in long sleeves, or the stickers?

Klin said...

I like your immigrants. Your coyote looks like the coyote that sleeps in my house. So chocolaty cute.

damon said...

Well, at least someone found a use for illegal immigrants. I knew you could do it!

Hey It's Di said...

You are lucky that you have pleasureable immigrants. Mine are usually some obnoxious weed with stickers etc. We get nothing in return for our hospitality:(

Love that Neil Diamond sings just for the Infidels!

Rebecca said...

I would have thought you had lost your marbles if I hadn't seen the picture before I started reading. This post is too funny! Hmm...can anything ever be too funny? I don't think so.

I want some illegals too.

Lisa said...

Wow! Those berries are beautiful! The scratches not so pretty. :(

nikko said...

Yummy, yummy! I just planted some blackberries in our back yard. Can't wait till next year.

Jean Knee said...

I didn't realize you know Neil Diamond

Jean Knee said...

P.S. i like the gold tooth

jams o donnell said...

EWBL we suffer the same illegal invasion. Try as we might we cannot stem the tide of brambles into the garden. Methinks it's us donning the armour plated gardening gloves this weekend

Alice said...

I used to enjoy ours until the illegal immigrants green cousin, poision ivy, decided it was missing out on good times.

Bee's Dark Side said...

I voulnteer to be one of your merry crop pickers. I come from a long line of illegal field workers ya' know.

Millie said...

It's Reagan, the Crotch-Sniffing Wonder Dog! I thought you'd shot him by now.

So this is what you meant by "You must not have read what I just posted."

Hope Papi's BPs are going well. :)

(That was a PRIVATE joke)

Geosomin said...

oooh. You grow those in your yard?
Yum.
i'm jealous.
My raspberry bushes are spindly and I get about 20 berries a year so far...which the birds like to get to first.

aubrey said...

mm i love blackberries. our bushes aren't ripe till july or august though. ouch on the scratched arm.

Lauren said...

Oooo, I would love if some illegal blackberries made the daring journey into our land (backyard).

The Intracerebral Itinerary said...

What I wouldn't do to have my postage- stamp- sized balcony invaded by delicious berries. Of course, I live in Utah Valley, so I would subsequently be invaded by swarms of women with canning jars and cheesecloth...

Bee said...

I love the new picture on the header!!!!

what's a donzer said...

Oh, wow! I would kill for you to deport some of those illegals by way of some pancakey bliss into my tummy right about now.

Suzanne said...

Are you going to perform your Mormon duty and break out the steam canner to make jam now? Kidding... I hate canning! :D

Suzanne said...

I love your new Blog look! :)

Nancy Face said...

This was just plain awesome...you really had me going! :D

The closest blackberries to us are directly across the street...somehow they never make that perilous journey over the asphalt and into our front yard! :(

Amber said...

Ahhhh, this reminds me of my over-the-border dash from the northern borders. Though there were no rashes, only frostbite.....

Physcokity said...

I don't think I've seen a coyote that friendly in a long time! At least you didn't run into any problems with the boarder patrol. Pun intended.