Wednesday, May 21, 2008

And Then I Had To Scream Hysterically At My Mini-Infidels....."Watch Where You Step, There's Naked Nuts Everywhere!!!"

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I won't lie to you, I've seen many a Naked Nut in my life but never as many as the Naked Nut supply amassed on the shelves at our local 99 Cents Only Store.
Some heathen left their Naked Nut sack open and exposed to the world.
Well, the inevitable happened when a passing lady snagged the bag with her shopping cart thus spilling salty Naked Nuts everywhere.
I'll readily cry over spilled milk because it's freakin expensive but I refuse to cry over spilled dollar store Naked Nuts.
It was when I eagerly grabbed the Naked Nut sack to closely examine it further that I noticed the interesting expiration date.
Obviously, these are not just your average, ordinary Naked Nuts that go bad at the most inopportune moment. No, these little beauties are long-lasting Naked Nuts. They don't expire until 3009.
Whoa, who knew that Naked Nuts could achieve that kind of shelf life?
I propose that all of you who are serious about building up your family food storage go immediately to the 99 Cents Only Store to get your fill of Apocalyptic Naked Nuts meant to last a whole millennium.
Just think, your great-great-great-great-great grandkids can chomp down on your Naked Nuts 1,000 years in the future. A lasting legacy, to be sure.
I think I'm duty-bound to pass along this vitally important post in an e-mail to the Ward Preparedness Committee and possibly the Relief Society Presidency, too........anonymously.

We thank thee for the Naked Nuts we are about to receiveth. Amen.

36 comments:

Hey It's Di said...

Oh yummy naked nuts! A gift from heaven I'm thinking with a shelf life of a thousand years. I think the millenium is approaching soon. Must be God's favorite snack:D

JustRandi said...

The blessing made me laugh out loud. I'll have to go looking for naked nuts around here!

No Cool Story said...

Immortal naked nuts.
WOW.

Lola said...

You want to know why those Oriental Naked Nuts last 1000 years????
Ancient Chinese secret!

glittersmama said...

Is that a phallus with little arms and legs between the "naked" and the "nuts"?

Tori :) said...

I'm gonna stock our food storage with sacks of naked nuts!

b. said...

Those Nuts are obviously undescended. I don't see a single Nut in that sack!

BarnGoddess said...

I always wanted to see a Naked Nut other than myself........thanks!

Jay said...

I find that expiration date a tad worrying... what do these people know that we don't? And why is it that I can't get naked nuts over here? I feel cheated.

And also a little sullied and unusual.

Nancy Face said...

I knew my food storage was sadly lacking. I've gotta get me a case of those Naked Nuts!

Nancy Face said...

Your local 99 Cents Only Store is a lot cooler than mine. I can't even find Julies here!

nikko said...

Wow.

We were just working on our food storage, seriously. Now I have to go scout out some Immortal Naked Nuts. Thanks for the tip!

Jean Knee said...

just what kind of ingredients are in naked nuts? they don't look like nuts to me

Hilary said...

Clearly they sneaked through the quality control testes... er.. tests!

Physcokity said...

Will these naked nuts be around to see a second outting of the millenium dress?

Lisa said...

Good for 1000 years! I am stocking up! I'll not have to worry about rotating or variety. That is the answer! Thank you so much!

Suburban Hippie said...

Simon and his mom have taken to ordering hamburgers etc "naked" because they want them plain... it really bothers me.

Rhonda said...

The only edible thing that will outlive a Twinkie!

Stacey said...

If I send you some money will you bestow a case of immortal naked nuts upon me?

That sounds so wrong.

Melissa said...

It's a food storage miracle! Who needs rice and beans??

Bee said...

What is this world coming to(o)??

I don't think I'd be able to eat any of those nuts. I can barely talk myself into peeling and eating a banana.

Alice said...

I'm in for 10 bags. Would I be able to hang them on the back of my SUV?

Millie said...

Must...not...make...dirty...remark...

carronin said...

Rhonda took my comment. I want to know, who is going to be around in 100 years to see if these Naked Nuts are still edible?

Elizabeth-W said...

Will they be all shriveled up by then? I really don't dig shrivelly nuts.

wynne said...

Oh, heavens.

Please do email your RS president.

wynne said...

There are so many comments I am repressing right now, elastic.

Comments as tasteless and nasty as your sack of naked nuts is bound to be.

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

Yay for tasteless comments!

How about this one, Wynne?

Naked Nuts....bet you can't eat just one!

Naked Nuts....once you pop you just can't stop.

I'll stop now.

wynne said...

And I'm with jean knee--I don't SEE any nuts. Where are the nuts? C'mon, I came here expecting to see some naked nuts, and so where are they?

Klin said...

LOL

I'm taking the 5th;)

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

I haven't visited hardly anyone's blog this week. I'm sooooo sorry. I've been working really hard, stressing about money really hard, worrying about Papi's job prospects really hard, fretting about the cost of gas really hard, and just generally driving myself in to the Land Of Bleeding Ulcers.

I'll do a Sox Exchange Update tomorrow because tomorrow is the last day for shipping.

I sent my blog buddy some sox early this morning. I hope she adores them as much as I adore them and my kids adored them. I had to seriously pry them out of my girls hands because they wanted to keep them.

Big Thanks to JAMI for the most awesomest sox evah!!!!! They are seriously everything I ever hoped for in a pair of funky soxery. I'll post pics tomorrow.

Chell said...

Heehee..love the humour in that post! Wish we had a one rand store here in Africa...but you cant buy much with it unfortunately :-)
Love the way you turn the most random thing into something hilarious...

Lori said...

I can't get my sox pictures out of my camera! WAH!!!!

Ok, socks (one pair shipped yesterday) will be shipped out today.

Jami said...

Glad you like them, babe! It was so seriously hard to narrow down the choices.

Can I post my received sox pictures late? I'm going to be getting some exotic ones from places foreign, but they'll likely be arriving after the brew-ha-ha has died down. (Not a problem, btw, sox buddy.) I just want to show off too.

Meg said...

Thanks for the tip, but I usually end up eating the food from our 'emergency supply' late at night. Especially if it goes with beer.

LOBO said...

That was LOL hilarious.

Thanks!