Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Our Emergency Food Storage Plan Has A Name....

It's Reagan: The Crotch-Sniffing Wonder Dog!

How much is that doggie in the window?
Well, I guess we should calculate that by the poundage, shouldn't we?
Our Church keeps questioning us via survey as to our food storage preparedness.
Honestly, most of the time we're just ecstatic that we've accomplished keeping our many mini-Infidel bellies filled up. I know that thinking about the future is important.....more than that, it's a commandment. We do have a small reserve but nowhere near the amount of supplies the church recommends per each household individual.
I'm thankful that we can add 85 pounds of fresh meat to our emergency food plan.

Some people give their dogs a flea bath.
We bathe our Reagan in meat tenderizers and steak seasonings.
Some people smother their dogs with love and affection.
We smother our Reagan with onions and gravy.
Some people feed their dogs homemade dog food.
We feed Reagan a fluffy bread crumb mix. It makes the most delightful stuffing.
Some people take their dogs on walks and to the doggy park.
We refuse to exercise Reagan. We want him fattened up.
Some people take pictures of their dogs.
We do too. And then we manually draw in the dividing lines that quarter him up into serving pieces.
Some people take their dogs to dog shows.
We take Reagan to the Meat Packers Of America Convention.
Some people teach their dog new tricks.
We've taught Reagan how to lay perfectly still inside a nice big Dutch oven.
Some people think that dogs are man's best friend.
I think 'Man's Best Friend' would make a great name for a dog meat seasoning packet.

Reagan is a beautiful dog on the outside but it truly is what's inside that counts, people.
Not to get all competitive and stuff.........but my dog is more delicious than your dog!

27 comments:

Hey It's Di said...

HOLY FIRSTNESS! (yeah, I know it's not really a word but in my world it is)

I once had a REALLY big Irish Setter and he ran away. I would have had a good 100 pounds of meat. Now I have a 4 pound dog. . . guess we'll go vegetarian!And yes, your dog looks more delicious than my dog:D

Jean Knee said...

yeah, well if we ever get Penny back from the people down the street she'll make some good eating too.

she's young and tender

Suburban Hippie said...

Hey, what a great idea. We only have 25 pounds of dog meat but that is so much better than my previous plan to amputate one of my limbs.

Lisa said...

And I wanted a tiny little dog. That would only sustain us for a snack. :(

Suzanne said...

I don't know whether to LOL or to say ewwwww! You've put me in quite the conundrum, Elastic! ;)

Chell said...

Hee hee...that was very original! :-) I am going to send Reagan a telepathic message to "Run!!!" :-)

Alice said...

Do you think all your tips could work for two ornery cats?

Tracy said...

How long do you have to wait to eat them? Our puppy has turned out to be surprisingly ornery but now this gives me something to look forward to.
At nine weeks, would he be considered veal?
Oh, you've opened up a whole new world to me! Thanks Elastic!

Melissa said...

Rats. We had to leave our dogs in Oregon when we moved.
I have my sox post up!!

Lori said...

ROFL You are so mean! Bwahahhaha

Nancy Face said...

I'm laughing my head off! :D

Nancy Face said...

Kris Face keeps talking about getting a dog, and I keep talking him out of it...the fresh meat factor hadn't occurred to me! :0

Jami said...

It's that combination of ew and lol that keeps us coming back.

Happy Thursday!

Carrot Jello said...

I hope to see a recipe for Reagan on your food blog soon.
You know, before I go and get myself a dog.

Millie said...

You've seen the old Roadkill Cafe menu, right? "You'll eat like a hog when you try our dog!"

Millie said...

Roadkill Grill

Bee said...

I'm not even gonna try and compete by saying my dogs are tastier because Tazz smells rotten and Mocha will eat anything. No way could they taste good.
Your doggy on the other hand... invite when you're ready to cut into that puppy!

Klin said...

I likey the chocolate labs. I hadn't thought of actually using mine as food storage before, but I have spent more on him than my food storage, soooooooo. . . .

Stacey said...

I don't have a dog,can I share with you?

Kris Face said...

I have three Bark Parks I maintain. I could feed the whole extended Face family for years to come!

Anna Maria Junus said...

I'm snorting Coke out my nose.

I never thought of that. I guess I should get me a dog.

Just be sure PETA doesn't come after you.

Amber said...

Brilliant. I think you should be apointed to the emergency preparedness board.

Well, at least in China where they actually eat mutts....

:-)

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

anne marie- Snorting Coke-you're doing it WRONG!

I'm glad to know that this blog provides people with a chance to get the Coke out of their noses. I should get tax-free status for running a drug treatment program through my blog.

KRIS- DIBS ON THE GREAT DANE STEAKS!!!
Did you know that not all dogs taste the same? Apparently in Japan they much prefer the flavor of St. Bernards and they're considered a delicacy.

Amber- Continue calling me brilliant. I LOVE IT!

wynne said...

A-ha! Great idea! We, too, are extremely behind-hand on our food storage--but hey! I've got one 17-lb cat and one 11-lb cat...that's one 28 lbs of emergency meat, but hey! It'll do in a pinch!

jams o donnell said...

I'm with wynne with Robyn and Te being 16 and 12lb. Add Bebe and Mimi for light lunches and we are set up... Hang on we're vegetarians!

Geosomin said...

I wonder how my cats would taste after a bit of a marinade...

Palm Springs Savant said...

well thats kinda weird!