Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Everyone Needs A Hand To Hold On To (Brought To You By The Using John Mellencamp Songs As Blog Post Titles Society)

As a woman of faith my religion teaches me to be grateful for all the many small things.....and I am. Most notably I'm grateful for my impeccable gag reflex that never lets me down. It's vitally important to keep all your many bodily components running like a smooth machine. I know that my gag reflex is in perfect working order because it gets a daily workout. Whenever I hear the newscasters start their monotonous drone about "pain at the pump" or how the escalating cost of gas continues to "pinch" and "sting" it indeeds triggers moderate to severe gagging.

My husband, Papi and I both use our vehicles to earn a living. As such, the exorbitant gas prices are not "pinching us" or "stinging us"......no, no the increased fuel costs is more like a very dangerous and very venomous bite slowly "crippling" us. If we don't find a solution fast the next set of quotation marks will be wrapped around the words, "killing us."

On a recent trip to the pump for another agonizing re-fueling mission I realized that some have suffered and lost much more than me and Papi.

It looks like a tank of gas literally cost this anonymous person an arm and presumably a leg, too. I love the way the disembodied hand seems to be rising up out of the ether- or should that read rising up out of the ethanol?

I just can't decide: is the hand there to give despondent motorists a little pick-me-up High Five action? Perhaps the previous owner of the hand positioned it as a sort of symbolism representing a last dying gasp of 'HELLPPP MEEEE'? Maybe the hand once held a cute little white flag of surrender but somebody else stole it to admit defeat when it came time to go pay for their own gas purchase? Ooooh, I know, it's probably one of those mythical HELPING HANDS I keep hearing about set there to give people a hand-up not a hand-out; in which case maybe I should have closed my eyes, rubbed the hand, then spun in a circle 3 times, and made a wish.

* I was going to title this post 'The Hand Job' but my good taste reflex stopped me. I'm also profoundly grateful that my good taste reflex is in solid working order. Some of the stuff I've written lately had me worried that it was broken.*

37 comments:

Hilary said...

Gotta hand it to you.. another great post.

J-Mom said...

Thanks for giving a hand in lifting my spirits today. Laughter is great!

Geosomin said...

It's not broken...just enhanced :)
I've seen a lot of electric modified bikes around our place lately....maybe you could make a flintstone mobile??

Bee said...

It seems all newscaters use the same words no matter what state you live in. Jerks!

That hand is there to tell you they're putting humans in their oil. Or maybe lipo juice?
I wonder how much they would pay me to lipo me and use my oil?

Melissa said...

The hand is there to say "STOP! Didn't you get that stupid chain email that said not to buy gas on this day??"
We had friends here over the weekend that wanted to head to the beach... even though it "hurt" to fill up here at $4.09 (the cleansing price), I'm glad we did because it was $4.46 on the coast. :S

Alice said...

Oh Elastic - if it was taste I was after, I'd head on over to 'Infidel Woman Cooks!' for some bacon-y baked potatoes.

wynne said...

Looks to me like a hand in agony. Look at the way those fingers are bent--exactly the way your hand would look as you grasped desperately out of the chocolate pudding, looking for a handhold to drag yourself out--but no, you are down for the count, and are about to drown in the chocolate pudding. Ah, bliss.

wynne said...

Maybe you should invest in a camel. Or a donkey. I heard they don't take gas, just make it.

Lisa said...

It's a spooky hand. It looks like it is coming out of a coffin.

Our gas is $4.29 around here right now. I pay a lot of money for gas. :( But it's my own fault for living in this everything is overpriced state!

omar said...

I could have used that hand to hold on to yesterday when I filled up at FOUR NINETEEN PER GALLON. I'd ride my bike to work if I didn't have a laptop and 3-year old to take with me.

Jean Knee said...

aaaaaackkckkckk gas prices suck

Lisa said...

"Back in the day" 11 years ago we moved from PA to GA and were joyous over our gas station having .99 gas! It was cheaper than our little town of Erie and we were thrilled!

Tracy said...

I think that hand is there to offer you solice as you go through the same pain of filling it up. "there there, hold my hand, it will make you feel better".
You should have given him a tissue to wipe crying eyes.

And I think your blog is great Elastic! Don't change a thing.

Science Teacher Mommy said...

I've started just putting in a half a tank at a time so that I don't kill the guy pumping my gas. (Hey, it's Oregon, they do that here.) I realize it is not his FAULT, but he is the closest thing to me when my adrenaline spikes.

My other favorite never ending sound byte is, "Barrels of crude oil hit a record high today . . . " Duh. Is it really "news" when it happens EVERY day?

Jay said...

That's funny! Well, whatever else it is, it isn't a handout!

I don't look at the pump prices anymore. I can't bear to. I just fill up and pay by card.

the Bag Lady said...

Sheesh, that looks like someone jumped into the pump on a suicide mission and changed his mind at the last moment!

Gas here in "Oil-rich Alberta" costs $1.30/litre, which works out to $5.20/gallon. Still wanna complain?

elizabeth-w said...

Is that a polly pocket?!

Millie said...

Is that a Hot Pocket??

Millie said...

Is that a Brass in Pocket?

Millie said...

Is that a One Hand in My Pocket?

Millie said...

I refuse to pay for gas. We're really good at siphoning...

Klin said...

I can't get past the last paragraph. I you had titled the post the hand job you'd have some 'splaining to do Missy. LOL

I cry when I have t fill up with that fuel. If it was gas my kids and hubs could fart in the tank and I'd be good to go. Gotta love black beans.

aubrey said...

oh! this reminds me..of a picture on my friends blog of a gas station that posted that as prices. an arm, a leg and your firstborn. har har.

Anna Maria Junus said...

I'm here in Alberta too, a place that supplies oil. Can I pay your gas prices?

Where are we all going to put our horses and buggies?

Chell said...

Such a funny post - once again!
Yeah, petrol (gas) is really bad here aswell. It goes up every first Wednesday of the month by about 50c. Its daylight robbery! Thanks for making me laugh at this fact though!

Amber said...

This brought tears to my eyes. I am too cheap to fill my tank up so only put $30 in at a time and force my children to walk the rest of it. Only woosy 1-year-old Bode has objected to the new arrangements.

jams o donnell said...

I may have got the arithmetic a little wrong but in teh UK the same amount of petrol would have cost the equivalent of $135, but then the $ is pretty weak against the £ at the moment.

Just as well we only do 2-3000 miles a year in our car!

carronin said...

That hands is creepy. It looks like it's saying, "If the gas prices haven't killed you yet I'm here to finish the job."

Annie said...

All the good comments were taken:(

VE said...

I want to join that Mellencamp society because I've got blog posts just itching to be called Pink Houses or Hurts So Good...

shay said...

You have a great "eye for details" reflex too. I would never have noticed the had lol.

I would have been too busy being crippled at the pump by the stinging as my VISA burned up at the crazy prices I now pay for gas! YIKES!
I'm Canadian so you can only imagine how it goes for us (NOT well! We come to the US to get a break).

Ringmaster said...

Maybe the person who belongs to that hand was making a not very nice gesture to the gas thing and it decided to swallow them up. I always feel like giving the gas thing the bird. I have a 45 gallon tank in my suburban and it is not nice to fill.

Suburban Hippie said...

I think it's saying "SOILENT GREEN IS MADE OUT OF PEOPLE!!!!!!"

Jean Knee said...

Julie's visiting me this week. She said to tell you Hi.

Hey It's Di said...

I think the hand is for those who's gag reflex has somehow failed them. Just a hand down the throat ought to do it over those killer gas prices!

Your good taste reflexes never seem to fail you! You make me laugh:D

Nancy Face said...

I second Annie and Suburban Hippie and Jean Knee! :0

Jami said...

Oh, the pain. Woman, I feel for you. It is nearly impossible to survive with driving jobs now. How are you making it?

My husband used to be an "independent" courier for UPS who paid 80 cents a mile from pick up to drop off. It could be miles and miles and miles to pick up and the drive home was always unpaid. Crippling doesn't even begin to cover what a leap in gas prices does to the family budget.

(I wanted to say "'pinch,' my @$$, but somehow I think that might be taken the wrong way.)