Thursday, June 05, 2008

Infidel Freak Secret Of The Week: Presidential Edition

As a human species we may come from vastly different backgrounds, ethnicities, cultures, and societal status but the one thing that unifies the brotherhood of man like no other is the fact that we all poop ~Elasticwaistbandlady Wearing A Philosophical Hat With A Little Dodo Feather Plume Stuck In It
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Whenever I hear reports about Presidents both past and present staying at the homes of friends I immediately think, "Oh, what would that be like to have the President of The United States of America plop down on your porcelain throne?"
We're a family of humble means and modest toilet accommodations but if the President were to suddenly knock on my door declaring an urgent 'State Of Emergency' I would definitely let him in to cop a squat on our middle-class pot. In fact, I would consider it an honor; so much so that I'd immediately hang a plaque like the one above next to our front door proclaiming the fact that this home once harbored Presidential Poop and that makes it a historical landmark.
I haven't consulted any Realtors but surely a house bearing the distinguished honor of a Pooping President Landmark Plaque will considerably drive up the value.
Former President, Bill Clinton and his charming, easy-going wife, Hillary were frequent house guests of such notables as Ted Danson and Barbara Streisand.
Bill is reportedly the kind of guy, at least back in the day, that could pound down many a greasy-cheesy-over easy platter....you know the kind that has you fighting The Battle Of The Bowels a few hours later.
So, would you make a big stink about a President making a big stink in your house?
Would you kindly tell him, "I'm so sorry, but you're just not welcome back until you contribute to the Febreze Fund."
What if your home has thin enough walls to actually hear the Presidential potty time taking place?
Would you then stand accusingly at his next political fundraiser while pointing a finger and saying, "I know what you did last summer- and my plumber does too!!!"
Maybe not. Maybe people in positions of political power are more mature than I am.....but I doubt it.
I actually feel kind of sad that Hillary lost the nomination. With her, the country would have finally been able to jubilantly rejoice in electing our very first "sitting" President!

20 comments:

Bee said...

first!

Bee said...

I love Elastic and her philisofical uh plihosipical um philosophical hat!

She is just dead on balugas accurate!

Bee said...

no, I think politicians are even more immature than your average pooper.

Elizabeth-W said...

These are the things you think about at 3 am, right?

Anna Maria Junus said...

I have no idea how to respond to this.

Oh, I know. I'm Canadian! I don't have to think about it.

Melissa said...

I think, if the Prez should ever stop by, you should have him SIGN the toilet. That would REALLY send the value of your house skyrocketing! Just make sure he washes his hands first...

Alice said...

If I came to your house and took a dump, would you put a plaque up for me? I could even help with the Febreze Fund. Or bring some matches.

nora.lakehurst said...

Tagged ya.

Suburban Hippie said...

Poop is always funny.

Millie said...

"cop a squat on our middle-class pot" - my friend, you have a gift.

If I knew her address, I would send Hillary one of those "pull my finger" pens for hours of Obama-butt-kissing fun.

Suzanne said...

I have nothing clever to say, but Elastic, your posts make me smile! :)

Tracy said...

One time while on a visit to the library, my darlin daughter rented "Everyone Poops" (it really is a book) and when we got home she demanded that we read it right away.
When we were finished reading, she sat there silent for a few minutes really contemplating, and then she said "Soooo, does Snow White poop? How about Cinderella?" She went on to list all of these fairy tale princesses and then she asked if the Queen of England pooped.
I thought more about people and their poop that day than I ever did in my whole life.

Thanks for the laugh Elastic!

Lauren said...

Good point about the poop. I used to pretend that Ted didn't poop. I liked to trick myself into thinking that...and hoped that he played the same trick on himself when it came to me. When we got engaged...everything changed. He likes to talk about poop and fart all the time.
Marriage, here I come.

Hey It's Di said...

Maybe their possible pooping style should affect our voting methods?

If Presidents are like my husband, nobody will have the opportunity to have his poo in their pot. He is a home pooper only. . I know it's weird but he times these things I think just to continually gross me out;)

Nancy Face said...

Kris Face has to get up very early in the morning so he can poop at least three times before leaving for work.

Poop is a very popular subject at the Face house.

Hey It's Di said...

P.S. I'm hoping that the male Presidents sit when they are pooping! You would need more than Frebreze to clean up after their visit.

Presidential Port-A-Pot Society said...

Only 16 comments??!? That is an outrage!

This post was very funny and it received bi-partisan approval. Seems that Dems and Repubs alike enjoy a healthy does of potty humor. Even Ralph Nader who farts granola scented toots enjoyed this post.

I'm nominating you for President of our society next year, Elastic. You done your country proud with this scintillating post.

joanna said...

GROSS . . . and very funny!

I actually think about this sometimes in regards to Brangelina. I get so sick of how beautiful they are, and then I think, "Well, they poop, too."

joanna said...

GROSS . . . and very funny!

I actually think about this sometimes in regards to Brangelina. I get so sick of how beautiful they are, and then I think, "Well, they poop, too."

Chell said...

Oh goodness! Thats so damn funny! I honestly cannot stop laughing! ......... I will never look at an American President in the same way again!