Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Hey, It's A Flashback Wednesday Without The Actual Flashing Part!

Uh yeah, this is a Flashback Flash-Free Zone. No clothing will be removed because we don't have to take our clothes off, to have a good time, oh no.

So then, right there in front of all our congregated bloggy sisters, I blurted out to my friend Millie, "Hey Millie, everytime I hear that song, I Wanna Kiss You All Over, I think about YOU!"

She giggled nervously.

See, awhile back Millie had the funniest blog post where she pointed out that growing up, us 30-40 somethings didn't have any clue what animal/mineral/or vegetable was cranking out the hot top 40 tunes we heard on our radio. In the days before MTV, music was strictly an auditory experience unless you went to concerts or watched variety shows on TV. Anyway, after catching a glimpse of some of the original artists singing the original songs we all know and love, Millie discovered that perhaps radio was the safest place for them and for us, too. She once famously wrote, "Oh my heavens.........after I saw those guys from Exile, it made I Wanna Kiss You All Over seem like a horrible threat."


EXILE- I WANNA KISS YOU ALL OVER

If you can get beyond the unfortunate set designed by Lippy Lippinschitz you'll notice the bangs-wearing lead singer who appears to be a cross between a walking stick bug with an Uncle Rico face and a human metronome. Witness how he tick-tocks back and forth in his smoooooth Sansabelt polyester pants while keeping perfect time with the funky rhythm. But really, the giant lip minefield littering the stage? Are they the remnants of some Mick Jagger lip perfection experiments gone horribly awry? Maybe they borrowed them from the props department at Steven Tyler's Sharty Like A Rockstar Academy.

On the left of Uncle Rico circa 1978 is the bearded guy who didn't look quite "brotherly" enough to fit into The Doobie Brothers.....or The Bellamy Brothers.....or The Righteous Brothers, so he had to join up with Exile. I bet those nice Jonas Brothers would have given him some band member asylum.

To the right of our lead singer is obviously the mustachioed stunt double for John Oates who was hired to shield John from the ladies flinging their panties onstage at Daryl Hall. Nobody wants to lose an eye whether they be Private Eyes or otherwise.

You HAVE to watch the entire video to appreciate the very non-charismatic backup musicians in Exile. Their zombie faces are more glazed over than an entire bakery stuffed full of glazed Krispy Kreme doughnuts. Remember the robotic animal band at Chuck E. Cheese that sang Happy Birthday to you that year you turned 9? Well, guess what? The guys from Exile were actually the ones performing underneath those furry costumes. Surprise!

WALTER EGAN- MAGNET & STEEL

Oh how many countless times I've breathlessly told my Papi, "You are a magnet and I am steel." I've seriously always loved this song. I never bothered to look up Walter Egan on youtube until last week. It's quite apparent that Walter Egan's stylist based his onstage persona to resemble that of a sinister-looking Shirley Temple ventriloquist doll. Yeah, it was the 70's. Yes, I know that a lot of men during that era wore make-up combined with navel-grazing satin shirts and white bell bottom ensembles. Sadly, only toothy Andy Gibb or David Cassidy could pull off those dapper disco looks.

If Walter Egan had told me that I was a magnet and he was steel, I'd of had to have myself promptly demagnetized.

Next up we'll explore the secret life of Dave Loggins. Was he simply an innocent, starry-eyed troubadour pining away for his love to "Please Come To Boston" or was he really a secret agent working for the Travel And Tourism Commission?

38 comments:

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

Nobody bother me. I totally appreciate that musicians could break into the business back then without a lot of scrutiny as to their appearance or stage presence. It was ALL about the music, man, and nothing but the music. Rock On!

Nancy Face said...

I'm ALMOST first!

I have a blingy little award for you...

Nancy Face said...

Yikes! Is that Shirley Temple wannabe really a MAN?

I liked both of those songs much better when they were strictly auditory experiences! :0

Nancy Face said...

I had posters of Andy Gibb AND David Cassidy in my bedroom!

Nancy Face said...

My dad didn't like Andy Gibb's bare, hairy chest, so he got a magic marker and drew on a t-shirt.

Nancy Face said...

I thought "I Wanna Kiss You All Over" was referring to puppies or something. ;)

Nancy Face said...

I'm a comment hog.

OINK!

Nancy Face said...

That was my friend, the pink pig.

Nancy Face said...

Okay, BYE! :D

Yvonne said...

Oh, I just love 70's music, so this is so fun.

I started laughing as soon as I saw the lead singer for The Exiles--my goodness he REALLY does look like Uncle Rico. Have you seen Daryl Hall lately??? That guy really is a double for the old Daryl Hall.

There were truly only a few that could pull off the look!!!

Can't wait for your post about Dave Loggins.

glittersmama said...

Uncle Rico has long hair! Those lips on the floor look like slugs.

glittersmama said...

What's up with the pink silk jacket? And the hair. Looks like he's a glittersmama wannabe. ha!

Lisa said...

Oh I just love those 70's songs! I haven't heard them in so long! BUT that lead singer for Exile has just grossed me out! The song just isn't the same now.

Science Teacher Mommy said...

I must take issue with the David Cassidy comment. He could easily match any of these guys hideous haircut for porn-star mustache. And before you get to glip about Andy Gibb, have you see the Staying Alive video? Two words: Camel Toe.

JustRandi said...

It's enough to make you block the MTV channel forever.
Oh, wait! I already did!

But how am I going to get those images out of my brain!?

Science Teacher Mommy said...

I mean gliB about Andy Gibb, not gliP. Good grief, gliP isn't even a word.

Oh, and I want more cowbell.

wynne said...

I hate seeing how the people who sing my favorite songs really look. It kinda destroys the...uh...vibe, ya know? Music shouldn't be about appearance--it should be about the sound. Right? Right? Please tell me that's right...*sigh*

And what is MTV?

carronin said...

Half way through the song when Uncle Rico started squatting down... I threw up a little in my mouth.

joanna said...

I am both dying laughing and feeling a bit terrified!

Millie said...

I see my name!!! :)

Seriously, these 70s guys were scary. Do you wonder what girl groupies were thinking back then? "Maybe I'll have his really ugly love child and be RICH!"

I noticed Exile Guy's rhythmic hip-twitching too - boy, was he skinny. And that is one Botox-worthy wrinkle happening on his forehead. I never saw the whole song, just the one little blurb on the CD commercial, and all I can say is that I only made it up to "Gonna light your fire" before I had to turn it off. I felt mentally assaulted.

Walter Egan: scaring us softly with his song... I think they modeled Chuckie after him.

Don't you love MTV? They put a stop to these atrocities once and for all.

Millie said...

Here's a link to that post :)

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

STM: Yeah, but the pretty people are always given leeway in these matters.
Andy Gibb in pink silk would elicit a chorus of OOOOOOHHHHHHH
Walter Egan in pink satin gets of chorus of EEWWSSSSS
*Speaking as though Andy were still alive. I'm thinking nothing would look super on him at this date in time*

Porn Star Mustache= CRUSTACHE

Millie: My mom yearned for Ringo and even wrote him fan letters. Her reasoning was that all the girls wanted John or Paul so she was hedging her bets by zeroing in on the ugly one. :) Between her nose and Ringo's nose they would have produced little Gonzo babies.

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

I'll be out commenting on your blogs......tomorrow.....bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow....there'll be replies.....tomorrow, tomorrow, I'll comment tomorrow........you're only a day away......

I worked all night. I worked most of the day. I still have to pull weeds before the HOA sues me for all that I'm worth (one Kit-Kat bar and a paid off washing machine) My two youngest still can't read or write very well. They're homeschooled which means that's mostly my fault. If only life was one giant pop-up, self-explanatory picture book then I wouldn't have to worry so much about their progress.
I'm tired.
I'll try to break out of my pattern of blog rudeness tomorrow.

Suzanne said...

I never even had MTV while growing up so YouTube has opened up an entire new world for me where I see these videos to the songs I love for the first time. Although...it's ruined some of my favorite songs. I love Hello Again by the Cars, but after watching the music video, I was kind of shocked! :O

Millie said...

Ringo: The Ugly Beatle

"Hello Again" made my uncle turn off the TV once. I was like, what's the big deal? Just because that girl has letters stuck to her cleavage...

Thanks for the chatty :)

Physcokity said...

Um, I definitely take that music video as a threat! But then again there is probably a reason they are named Exile....Are you sure the lead singer isn't a tranny?

Physcokity said...

That back up singer looks like the creepy kind of guy who wants to stalk you...til the night closes in...or the restraining order...

Anonymous said...

"If only life was one giant pop-up, self-explanatory picture book then I wouldn't have to worry so much about their progress."

I'd be a little horrified at the secks-ed version of that book do you think it would include the explanation of a crustache?

Physcokity said...

I generally make it a point not to watch the music videos especially to songs that I like. I know they'll most likely be ruined or tainted by some bout of "artistic" insanity.

Jean Knee said...

I had never before seen exile. I love that song and have been singing it all day long (I was here earlier but didn't get to comment)

They do look a bit catatonic though except for the metronome.

Stacey said...

Walter Egan is hawt...oh yeah.

Hey It's Di said...

Can't they all just be sexy and sing good songs? I get this visual of what they SHOULD look like and it is nothing like the real deal.

I'm going back to my imaginary singer's land to get all warm and fuzzy now!

Hey It's Di said...

I do have to say that "in the day" I had a thing for David Cassidy and Andy Gibb. They were smoken'!

VE said...

More like Walter E-GADS! Of course, a lot of those 70s artists aren't looking too good these days either. Gary Glitter was in the news today...apparently he's a pedophile. I didn't think he could get lower than that 70s glam rock stuff. I was wrong. And as for Dave Loggins, well, I don't think he would make it to all those places these days; he'd still be in airport security or waiting on a missed connection...

Melissa said...

Alas... video killed the radio star...
I can't say anything about the bad hair. When I look back at pictures of myself from the 80's and early 90's I hang my head in shame.

Palm Springs Savant said...

I like Exile...love that song, brings back memories

Methodical wormer said...

28 seconds. That's all it took for me to feel violated for watching the first video. I'm going to take a shower and call a therapist.

Meredith said...

OMG! Infidel, you are so precious. I've been reading your blog for a while and was too shy to comment. But now that I've found a fellow lover of '70s soft rock I can be loud and proud!

Here's to the days when you had to be able to sing to get a record contract, and when they gave it to you, it didn't matter how hideously ugly you were! Yay for ugly rock stars!!