Friday, September 12, 2008

I'll Be Your Shelter In The Storm Because I'm Not Bright Enough To Be Your Candle On The Water!

Have you heard the news? We're playing host to a very special guest blowing into town tonight for a whirlwind event! Literally.
How big is the party? The entire Gulf Coast region is participating in welcoming Hurricane Ike sometime this evening.
Having just seen Ike practically devour Cuba, we know that he has an enormous appetite, but our hopes remain high that Ike will be too bloated and lethargic from his last meal to do too much damage at our hometown soiree.
By the way, this party is strictly B.Y.O.B......Bring Your Own Boards. I guess it could also mean Bring Your Own OB (tampons), but you can't really cover up windows with tampons. Well, unless you hook them all together and make a super absorbent curtain to accent your white furnishings.

So last night my man, Papi and I were discussing our plans for when Hurricane Ike decides to strike. We've got the food. (I hid my Little Debbie snack cakes in a box of diet bars so my kids wouldn't find them!) We've got the water. We've got new batteries in my very important shaving razor because I don't want to evacuate looking like a Yeti-Human hybrid. We've got gas-pretty much I ALWAYS have gas-so the main Infidel Family survival preparations are already in place.
Papi still seemed a little concerned when we crawled into bed last night and so I did what any loving wife should do. I abruptly and forcefully rolled over, pinning Papi down while uttering these infinitely comforting words of reassurance:
"Papi baby, you don't have to worry about a thing. When the Hurricane hits I'll just get on top of you and shield you from the destruction with my massive body."

Papi closed his eyes. I'm still not sure if that was out of relief......out of sheer terror.......or if it was so he could pray more fervently than he's ever prayed before.

I'd like to dedicate the symphonic version of that Scorpions song, Rock You Like A Hurricane to my classical music-loving Papi. :)

38 comments:

Jean Knee said...

Infidel, you are so Romantic. Papi is a lucky guy.
Even here in Podunk we are expecting massive wind and rain-yea




sorry about your weiner disappointment, I think we've all been there at one time or other.

Oh wait, a weinermobile--strike the above thought

JustRandi said...

Hey girl! You stay safe and find a place to keep yourself sheltered too.

And I fully appreciate your plan for the battery powered razor. Why is that not on more emergency lists???

Sketchy said...

I'm surprised that instead of OB's you aren't busy taping broken wings together. I think that would be a much quicker way to a highly absorbant curtain. OB's aren't very big compared to other brands.

"Rock you like a hurricane", well that would be one way to while away the time...might embarrass the kids though. Can you schedule the hurricane for after the chitlens are in bed?

Sketchy said...

PS: Stay safe and as dry as possible.

Mindi said...

papi should take comfort in those reassuring words. really, you are just thinking of his best interests.....

i hope ike leaves you ALONE!

Millie said...

I like Sketchy's broken wings idea.

Do you think if all the town women went outside and threw enough tampons in the air, they would absorb the storm? Something to ponder.

Stay safe is all I'm asking, hairy or not.

Lisa said...

I was thinking of you this morning as I watched the weather channel while making lunches.

Stay safe! And go into the bathroom to eat those Little Debbie's or you may not get one!

Yvonne said...

Smart move on the Little Debbies.

Be safe--I've been through one hurricane and that was one too many. Will be watching the news and praying that Ike dies down.

joanna said...

Who's going to be on top of YOU? You much protect yourself. Maybe the children.

I hope much good luck and better weather to all of you.

joanna said...

Uh...that was *must* protect yourself, EWBL.

wynne said...

Ah, the joys of evacuation and hurricanes! (I have a brother in Lousiana, and they just left for Gustav--just in time to come home and leave again for Ike.)

Ike.
What a stupid name for a hurricane.

glittersmama said...

Bring all of your infidels over here. We'll party like it's 1999.

Suzanne said...

A tampon curtain?!? Elastic, you make me smile! :D I'm glad you're prepared, but still it must be worrisome. Hopefully Ike decides to play nice!

Geosomin said...

love is in the air....:)

I'm glad you're prepared. Hope it sort of swings on by and dones' settle in for a thrashing. I've only been in insane blizzards...can't imagine a hurricane.

Elizabeth-W said...

I keep telling you to move north--wayy north.
Prayers headed for you and yours--hope it's not too bad!

Amanda said...

It sounds like you're all prepared little debbie's and all. :) You are in our prayers as well! Stay safe!!!

carrie said...

You need to move to higher ground! No hurricanes in Colorado just sayin'. Hopefully it will be downgraded before hits Houston.

nikko said...

You're more than welcome to drive up north a bit and hang out here!

No Cool Story said...

Head for the hills you little Infidels!

Take care, k?

Hey It's Di said...

Oh Ike. Leave the Infidels alone! Really Elastic, if you wanted to climb on your Papi you didn't have to wish a hurricane upon your poor selves.

Take care and feed the kids dry pasta. Hoard the Little Debbie goodies for yourself. You need the strength!

Hey It's Di said...

Scorpions were my FAV group in high school!! And yes I am that old! (and I love exclamation points!!!)

Bee said...

:o(

Be safe! I heard horrible things on the news and thought about you and your family. Not so much jean knee because she has survived a gustnado.

Jami said...

Don't forget you still have the dog. Food storage on paws. Always fresh. Sometimes a little too fresh.

I've got a friend down in Galveston who's been evacuated and my SIL is in The Woodlands. So between the batch of you I'm praying pretty hard that Ike will pass you by with out a comment.

You've reminded me that I need to redo the 72 hour kits. The kids ate them all up a month or two back. At least I know they like the stuff.

Heffalump said...

I keep thinking about you when I hear about Ike heading your way. Well, first I think about Tina Turner's ex husband Ike, then I remember it's the name of a hurricane, and THEN I think of you.
Here's hoping you don't have to shield Papi from danger (unless you WANT to be shielding him at that time).

J-Mom said...

Having enough OB tampons and gas is great! Funny thoughts, love your humor.

I'm late getting to wish you well, I know the storm is in the midst of being nasty right now, and I truly hope and pray you and your family are safe.

Jay said...

Wow, you're threatened by a massive nation-eating hurricane and you're still cracking jokes? WAY TO GO!!

I hear Ike is being downgraded to a category 1, so hopefully you'll be fine. Stay safe! And don't eat all those Betty things at once!

These comments are almost as funny as the post! LOL!

Jay said...

Little Debbies, not Bettys... d'uh!

Elizabeth-W said...

Got power??

Annie said...

Still there?

I was thinking of you all yesterday, but I didn't want to call just in case you were busy boarding your home with tampons.

Please Elastipants, give us a sign to let us know you made it through the night.

jams o donnell said...

What a way to make sure Papi is safe! Seriously I hope you Papi and the mini infidels are safe and well

Jean Knee said...

Hey you could make up t shirts

I GOT BLOWN BY HURRICANE IKE.


are you okay? cuz I noticed you didn't call me back. If you're dead I'll be really pissed. Love you infidel.

Millie said...

Praying for you Infidels this morning! Hope you're safe and dry!

No Cool Story said...

DUDE!
Please tell me you guys left and are no where close.

Nancy Face said...

ELASTIC! I've been worrying about you! I hope you and all your Infidels are safe! I hope you didn't have to share any of your Little Debbies! I hope the Infidel house is dry! :0

Nancy Face said...

Sorry I haven't been around. :(

I had to go on a break from blog reading a couple weeks ago. I'm STILL on that break, but I had to come check on YOU!!!

Melissa said...

I agree with Wynne... Ike is a stupid name for a hurricane. I was just looking at pictures of all the aftermath when I suddenly realized that my favorite Infidel lives in H-town! Had to come see if you were okay...

Physcokity said...

(I hid my Little Debbie snack cakes in a box of diet bars so my kids wouldn't find them!) Ooooh good idear-ing! I might just have to borrow that one.

Physcokity said...

I give mad props to the chick sporting the femullet in honor of her favorite hair band!