Thursday, October 30, 2008

And The Great Pumpkin Smiled Down Upon The Infidel Family

I hope the Great Pumpkin never finds out about my GREAT PUMPKIN PIE recipe. Yeah, that might be kind of awkward, especially if the Great Pumpkin reads the noted remark revealing how much I love my GREAT PUMPKIN PIE slathered up in whipped cream.
It just sends the wrong sort of message.
So does my other recipe for GREAT PUMPKIN NUT BREAD, but we won't go there.

Well, never let it be said that my back-breaking, so-irritating, low-compensating, bowel-restraining, soul-maiming job doesn't have its perks.
I drove past an open field this morning and spotted these poor orphaned pumpkins just forlornly lying there entrenched in the tall wispy weeds with their Cheeto-hued shell covered in brownish grime and frothy bubbles of dewy wetness--remnants of the recently evaporated early morning mist.
Okay, yeah, that sounds much more flowery and eloquent than saying I saw a bunch of filthy orange gourd thingies that appeared as though they'd recently taken a tumble through a Manure Maze, right?
Anyway, the space surrounding the pumpkin orphans was littered with broken pumpkin carcasses and stringy pumpkin guts.
Love is a battlefield and so too is a Pumpkin Patch turned Pumpkin War Zone.
This was obviously the work of the produce-killing comedian Gallagher who's looking to disband his Smashing Watermelons group so he can join up with the newly reformed Smashing Pumpkins.
Practice makes perfect.
Or maybe notorious pumpkin serial killer, Peter The Pumpkin Eater is on the loose again.
I don't really know who the guilty party is here. That's for the Pumpkin CSI team to determine.
I jumped out of my mighty Infidel truck and hurriedly rushed over to the field where I scooped up the pumpkin smash survivors and relocated them to my Infidel Truck/Pumpkin Rehabilitation & Adoption Center. Then I headed home.
My mini-Infidels swarmed out of the house, excited to meet their new found pumpkin buddies.
I let them each adopt the pumpkin of their choice provided that they solemnly swear to never use the pumpkins as a bowling ball.
They're also strictly forbidden from terrorizing the neighborhood in a Legend Of Sleepy Hollow re-enactment.
I'm fine with the mini-Infidels utilizing a hollowed-out pumpkin as a bike helmet, though.
Oh, Great Pumpkin, thank you for thy bounteous blessings. I never doubted that you were real. Not even for a nanosecond.

*So, pumpkins this size are about 4-5 bucks on average around here. I picked up 8 intact pumpkins. That's like finding $32.00. I wasn't even going to splurge on buying pumpkins this year because it's clearly classified as "Frivolous Expense" in the family budget.
If I can convince the mini-Infidels not to carve the pumpkins up, we'll have a natural autumn yard decor until the end of November.*

25 comments:

nora.lakehurst said...

LOL you are the best. I love my pumpkins. You should see what we did to ours. I am not so good as to make pumpkin pie or nut bread. But I do make a mean jack o lantern.

omar said...

"I'm fine with the mini-Infidels utilizing a hollowed-out pumpkin as a bike helmet, though."

Brilliant!

Happy Halloween!

J-Mom said...

I was laughing my bootay off while finding out what the mini-infidels were and were not allowed to do with the prized pumpkins!

Great find!

Suburban Hippie said...

Just admit that you stole them from the yard of one of your more difficult customers.

Nancy Face said...

Obviously there was something mighty SINCERE about that Pumpkin War Zone.

Palm Springs Savant said...

hee hee loved this one.

Hope you all have a Happy Halloween

Millie said...

Free pumpkins? It's a Halloween miracle!!!

Our pumpkins here were 18 cents a pound. You should move here.

Jean Knee said...

those things, uncut, last a long time. We've had them for New Year's and Valentine's Day.

I love to fill my house with pumpkins but sadly, this year there are only two

two stinkin pumpkins

Elizabeth-W said...

15 cents here. Move here!!!

Hilary said...

You're more amusing than Charlie Brown. :)

Klin said...

When the hubs and youngest were carving pumpkins last night I could smell the wafting fragrance of pumpkin and fought back my desire to persuade them to let me bake with their beautiful pumpkins to make such delicacies as pumpkin nut bread and pumpkin pie.

Great find for you all.

Lisa said...

Someone new you'd be buy and rescue those pumpkins! Love it!

We had B1G1 free pumpkins and I bought 2 and then a white one. As they rang up I saw they were $5 a piece. What the heck? "Oh that ended on Wednesday." It was Friday. Boo. $15 for 3 pumpkins-2 of which are now carved and will be oldy moldy soon.

Lisa said...

Or someone "knew" you'd be "by". What's up with my spelling these days?!

Science Teacher Mommy said...

That would be a big "if" at my house.

Heffalump said...

A couple of our pumpkins didn't get carved and the boys want me to make them into pie or something similar. I'll have to see if I can gather up the energy...

wynne said...

...and the Great Pumpkin said, "Let there be free pumpkins," and free pumpkins there were. And the free pumpkins grew and multiplied over all the earth. And the heavens rejoiced. And then a great big comet full of (yes, I know it's unlikely, but still) whipped cream was on a collision course with the Pumpkin Planet, and there was a sudden fierce heat wave on the Pumpkin Planet that baked all the pumpkin and then the comet came...

Now THAT'S a creation story.

wynne said...

...about how pumpkin pies came to be.

wynne said...

This Great Pumpkin thing is really working for you. I bet he knows Santa. Maybe he could put in a good word for you.

Amber said...

I have some bad news for you. I watched Charlie Brown's Halloween special for the first time AND THE GREAT PUMPKIN NEVER COMES.

I feel like I've lost my testimony.

R.E.II said...

Really amazing blog!

aubrey said...

we have this neighbor who just moved in and is the new priestess {i think that's the term..i might be wrong.} over at the presbyterian church. she is super sweet and i think might even be trying to save our souls. but on thursday she dropped off two bags of candy with notes to AVERY and MAC from The Great Pumpkin. which i thought was really, really nice, if only she knew the kids real names.

Chell said...

Yay for finding the pumpkins!!! Awesome!!

Yvonne said...

Hooray for getting those pumpkins. I'm hoping I can just find a couple of turkeys wandering around for Thanksgiving dinner. (A 20# turkey runs about $80 ; (
Do you think I can be so lucky???

Sketchy said...

OK, my son brought home a library book the other day about a little girl who wouldn't dry her hair after she took a shower and fungus and mushrooms grew out of her head.

Between that and this, I'm just a little ill.

Physcokity said...

"They're also strictly forbidden from terrorizing the neighborhood in a Legend Of Sleepy Hollow re-enactment.
I'm fine with the mini-Infidels utilizing a hollowed-out pumpkin as a bike helmet, though."

My two favorite lines! It's like pennies from Heaven only the pennies are pumpkins and Heaven would be....hmmm maybe I shouldn't finish that thought.