Sunday, October 12, 2008

A Proverb From Physicians Running Behind Schedule: Patients, Entertain Thyself

Scheduling Doctor's appointments for all 6 mini-Infidels last week turned into an exercise in extreme patience.
We sat there at the clinic for an excruciating 3 hours on Friday. And then on Monday, we tacked on an additional 4 to our Frequent Vinyl Bench Sitters Rewards Program.
When will these public waiting rooms ever learn that vinyl in 90 degree Houston heat can only cause the heartbreak of excessive leg sweat?
Rivulets Of Leg Sweat: The key to keeping vinyl furniture looking shiny and smooth.

You know what I think? I think that plopping you down into an examination room/holding cell for hours on end with nothing to read except a tattered copy of Golf Digest, is the preferred method the office staff uses to administer an effective temperament test without you even realizing it.
Little do they know that 4 of us are bloggers. We're accustomed to sedentarily staring straight ahead at nothing in particular for hours on end while restricting all movement, outside of the clickety-clackety motion of our typing fingers.
We remained determined to not let the winds of boredom declare victory on us. After all, we freakin know how to make our own entertainment in a sterile and humorless room!
First thing we did was thoroughly read the instructions on the hand sanitizer dispenser. That was fun. Just as we were about to start crafting our own cast of tongue depressor characters for a rendition of Popsicle Stick Theater, I remembered that I brought along my trusty camera sidekick.

Naturally, Sunbum, the eldest mini-Infidel, remained the least inhibited.
Here she's a little bubble of unbridled enthusiasm stuffed into a fashionable Pyramid inspired gown.

And this is the precise moment where the Nurse pops that bubble of unbridled enthusiasm with a hypodermic needle filled with the meningococcal vaccine.....followed by a tetanus booster......followed by a chicken pox booster....followed by a Hepatitis A shot.....followed by a TB test.....followed by a blood screen and a urinalysis.

Sunbum is now ready to expand her circle of friends to include those afflicted with the above conditions.
You can submit friend applications here.

As several earnest but hollow promises of"The Doctor will be with you any minute now" drug into tedious hours, we started to give up hope.
Sunbum remarked that the privacy sheet she was given to cover her lower extremeties during the exam reminded her of something you'd see on a crime drama where they use a white sheet to cover up a corpse. I guess this shortened sheet is the one reserved for use on a person who's only half-dead--or for midgets.

Bored, Sunbum started fashioning her sheet into a gallery of remarkable designs. I encouraged her to. Mainly to stop myself from tying sheets together to make an escape from our third floor prison.....or a noose.
I'm going to field a guess and say that in this picture, Sunbum's representing the under-represented class of Constipated Shawl Wearers...........

Ready To Tie On The Feed Bag With A Customized Bib Guaranteed to Catch All Drips And Dribbles...........

Striking A Pose Suited For An America's Next Top Model Competition.....Or Doing The Robot. I'm not entirely sure.

People Jump Ship. People Jump Rope. And Some People Even Jump, Jump For Your Love- But Only When Listening To The Pointer Sisters. Instead, My Sunbum Jumps Sheet........

Working On Her New Line Of Du-Rags That Double As A Baby Burping Cloth........

Only A Clorox Sponsored Superhero Would Dare To Wear A White Cape........

Ghost Costume: You're Doing It Wrong!
Virgin Mary Costume: You're Doing It Right!

Sadly, not all of the mini-Infidels were so thrilled with the photographic attention as they actively shied away from the digital spotlight.

Stay tuned as next month The Smiling Infidel gang and their multitude of toothy problems, invade an unsuspecting Dental Office in hopes of depleting them of all their complimentary toothbrushes to resell on the toothbrush black market.

27 comments:

Jean Knee said...

well

Klin said...

I love how you take an annoyingly looooong wait and turn it into fabulous blog post.

"that's what it's all about!" (be sure to turn around and snap your fingers when you read that line. Like in the hokey pokey)

Jill said...

I'm so glad you brought your camera!
My kidlets need to get flu shots in the near future, so now I know what we can do while we're waiting. (Instead of tapping on the glass of the fish tank like we usually do)

Hey It's Di said...

I'm happy to hear that you mentioned that the dentist office will be next! I was about to suggest it too. It is great to get these tips for entertainment in those never ending appointments. I usually just sit quietly and try to hear what the doctor is saying in the next room:)

Jami said...

You have got to be kidding me! Three hours? Four hours? At moments like that my active aggressive nature takes over and I begin walking the halls in my paper attire asking for exact time estimates and chatting with the doctor while he takes his coffee break. I encourage loud sing-a-longs amongst the young folks. I LOVE the fashion show idea. We could try it. Using the hallway as our runway. You're so cool. I love Sunbum too. Great outfits.

glittersmama said...

I think that Sunbum could get work modeling for a medical supplies catalog!

Elizabeth-W said...

I say it's time to find a new Dr. That seems like a really long wait time. :(

nora.lakehurst said...

You are so funny. I am glad that you posted these. Now if it was I in there with my kids. There would be a photo of me getting mad because the kids were into all the easily accessible drawers and playing with the pee cups and then playing with the *straddles* hate those.

Hilary said...

Only you could come up with a brilliant post from a boring old waiting room. Your daughter is wonderful!

Sunbum said...

I couldn't agree with you more Hilary!!!! Sunbum is awesome, wonderful, and cool!! Oh, did I mention humble?

Mad Libs Millie said...

I could feel Sunbum's pain. She's quite remarkable.

I liked the do-rag that doubled as a burp cloth. Where were THOSE when I was having my babies???

Science Teacher Mommy said...

Fancy gowns. I was worried about the reverse shot.

Suburban Hippie said...

Nothing makes me cheery like waiting for the doctor. I once sat in the exam room (wearing nothing but one of those robes) for 1 1/2 waiting for my doc. I came out and told the staff that I don't mind waiting so long in the waiting room but I have serious issue with waiting that long naked.

I don't know what kind of Dr office you were in but that jump roping with the sheet seems like a grand way to stir up the bacteria. We aren't allowed to shake clean linens onto a cleaned bed when making it because it stirs up the bacteria... we have to unfold them on the bed.

jams o donnell said...

Haha kudos to Sunbum for finding ways to brighten up a tedious wait!

Melissa said...

I'm going to print this up and make a little phamplet out of it. We have to go to the Dr. on Wednesday for x-rays for Red... this post will be very helpful!! :)

J-Mom said...

Great shots--pictures that is. The actual shots probably stunk! Can't believe everything that needs a shot now.

Sunbum you crack me up!

We waited about that long at the first doctor we were referred to here in Memphis. I didn't go back after the 2nd long wait. Now I drive about 8 miles further, but no long waits.

Also cracks me up how the other kids are running from the camera!

The kids look so cute at their first day of school. So adorable.

Chell said...

So glad you blogged about that and took pictures to prove it! :)

Nancy Face said...

Leg sweat...NOOOO! :(

Nancy Face said...

3 and 4 hour appointments...NOOOO!

Nancy Face said...

And then...SUNBUM TO THE RESCUE!!!

She's BRAVE when faced with needle bearing nurses...not to mention CREATIVE! ENTERTAINING! FUNNY and FABULOUS! :D

I can hardly wait for the dental episode! :)

Nancy Face said...

Is it just my elderly eyes failing me, or have I been banished from the Infidel sidebar of Smiling happiness?

*sniffling*

*whining*

Sketchy said...

Having a camera on hand is certainly key in this situation. but what happenned to the other mini-infidels?

And Suh-weet! I now don't have to worry about getthing those Halloween costumes made...thanks Sunbum!

nikko said...

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, does it? ;o)

THREE HOURS??? Ay yi yi! That's insane!

J-Mom said...

I had to run my oldest to the doctor (asthma) today and after only 6 min in the room, I was thinking--how much longer is this going to take...then I thought of your wait---and worried no more.

Lisa said...

I would have been flipping out! That kind of wait time, really?!

Sunbum is awesome!

We have an eye doctor for Amanda who warns ahead of time that the appt. will be 3-4 hours long. And it is awful! We just had it this month and I took a nap in the van while we waited for her eyes to dialate. No picture taking thoughts entered my mind!

Physcokity said...

"Just as we were about to start crafting our own cast of tongue depressor characters for a rendition of Popsicle Stick Theater, I remembered that I brought along my trusty camera sidekick."

This reminded me of Rocket Man when he's in solitary lock down for 24 hours...hehe

Physcokity said...

Sorry I just wanted to say that Melody has the next 13 years to master reading skills. Some people end up as full grown adults and still don't possess da'social skillz she has...Myself included ;)