Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Dan Patrick Wants To Be Your FOREVER Senator!

Most politicians only jabber on about Hope And Change For The Future. But one Texas Senator is truly turning his thoughts towards the future--the very, very, very, very, very, very distant future, that is.

We received the above survey and newsletter from Senator Dan Patrick's office last week. Apparently he expects to live out another 517 years or so while serving in the Senate because he's prognosticating exorbitant property taxes for the year 2525 while discussing what he plans to do about it.
He's like our very own Property Tax Specialist Nostradamus.
That's very comforting to know that us mortal citizens can rely on a political man in command to reduce our wallet-draining Texas property taxes........and it'll only take 517 years for Senator Patrick's big action plan to come to fruition!
Okay, if Texas Senators serve terms spaced out in two-year increments, then Senator Patrick only has to win approximately 258 more elections.
Whoa. I hope his campaign invests in some quality heavy-duty campaign gear and signage because it needs to last a really looooong time.
By the time 2525 rolls around, Senator Patrick will likely be nothing more than a giant dictatorial brain pickled in a super-sized Mason jar like something out of A Wrinkle In Time.
You know the folksy duo, Zager And Evans , prophesied what life would be like in the year 2525. They didn't seem to mention anything about property taxes, though. They instead included lyrical wording like "In The Year 2525, if man is still alive. If woman can survive."
Well, we know at least one man will still be alive in the year 2525 and that man is Senator Dan Patrick!
IN THE YEAR 2525- ZAGER AND EVANS (3:24)
*I couldn't resist writing a short piece of snark on the survey before mailing it back. Honestly, the 2525 wasn't just a singular typo-- 2525 was repeated ALL OVER the page. I theorize that whatever aide or intern that typed this up was probably listening to his Ipod and jamming to this melodious song that discusses a post-apocalyptic world circa 2525. I'm inspired. I'm going to go buy something expensive that costs around $517.00 and then I'm going to finance it for a dollar a year for the next 517 years. Yep. Sounds good to me.*

27 comments:

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

Let's play a little fill-in-the-blank game.

In the year 2525 __________

Okay, I'll go first.

In the year 2525..........Dan Patrick finally gets legislation passed that will enable politicians to execute their staff for making dorky mistakes.

You rutrn:

Science Teacher Mommy said...

That is so hilarious. Can you really vote for someone whose campaign ad has such an error? It is like the bulletin board at church advertising the local LDS employment center. It has 18 errors. I know because I spend a lot of time in the hall and I've counted them. Can you really expect these people to help you find a job, write a resume or use the Internet?

"In the year 2525, $30,000 a year for property taxes will be a bargain because the middle income in America will be five million dollars. It is all relative; for example, unisex jumpsuits are a bargain on the Home Shopping Network: $2,500 for a pair, one in gold and one in silver. In 2525, the only network that will still actually exist is the HSN because they were the only ones not still reporting on the elections of 2000 and 2008. Americans will have reached a new level of patriotism where shopping for copious amounts of useless junk grows the GNP and simultaneously the debt to record levels each year."

On a more serious note, Texas DOES have high property taxes, but I loved not paying income tax.

Rhonda said...

Wasn't Dan Patrick a newscaster in a previous career? You think he would be a little detail oriented.

J-Mom said...

I guess they had the golden oldies stuck in their head while writing that up.

Maybe the whole survey/newsletter is really just changed lyrics to the song?

Okay, for the game...Brain, function please!!!

In the year 2525...I'll finally come up with a witty remark!

Becky said...

I snicker at this, but sheepishly remember making the same flub to my sister last summer when, after some quick (erronious) math, I declared that it was "too cool" that my nephew, born in May 2007, would graduate high school as a member of the Class of 2525. "y'know, just like the song!" My sister was all, "Uh, no?" and I was all, "Um, yes? 7+18=25... Duuuuhhhh..." to which SHE was all "..." and then it sank in that she was right, and she rolled her eyes and said, "yeah. Duuuuhhhh..."

so it really does happen. just fyi.

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

I just came home from one of my multiple jobs and saw my own typo up above. WOOT!

you rutrn= your turn

Hey, I'm not on any political staff. I'm just a woman with six kids trying to make enough money to keep the lights on and my kids fed. I blog for free. My writing and typos sometimes reflect that you get what you pay for, people!

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

STM= Clever! :)

Rhonda= Yes, he owns 700 KSEV on which he used to have a talk radio show and sometimes still does substitute for other hosts. He's the man who brought Rush to Houston. No comment on that one. I didn't vote for Dan Patrick in the Primary because I heard from several Precinct chair/friends that he was kind of a pompous pickle. I did vote for him in the November election though because I liked him more than the Democratic candidate. Patrick also endorsed Yuckabee for President which triggered my gag reflex a bit.

j-mom- I don't expect ANY comments at all. So when you say something, anything, it THRILLS me!

Becky- Been awhile since I've fielded a visitor from the great Jell-O Universe! The difference is we're just peons. It seems that with a staff of people at your disposal, somebody should be able to proofread official office newsletters a little better. It's interesting to note that at DanPatrick.com they've corrected this page to read 2025.

Hey It's Di said...

I'm probably going to be 6 ft. under by that time and so I am not going to worry about property tax. As for those still alive (which apparently includes the Senator) they may just have taken up residency on another planet. It could happen or not but in my pretend world it can OK?

J-Mom said...

I'm not thinking you expect comments, I just know I have them somewhere stuck inside. They usually come to me when I not by a computer, then forgotten again by the time I make it back. So things really might work out by 2525:)

I'm all about you getting your "celebratory platter of nachos" though!! Again, BBQ nachos--Memphis style mmmmm. Also glad to thrill ya!

Nancy Face said...

In the year 2525 Senator Dan Patrick begat Dan The Younger. And Senator Dan Patrick lived after he begat Dan The Younger three hundred and forty years, and begat sons and daughters. And all the days of Senator Dan Patrick were nine hundred and seven years: and he died.*

*See Genesis chapter 5

Sketchy said...

Yes this is funny, but just think of the trauma to our decendants in 20-25 generations from now. Think about the children Elastic! The Children!

lol

In 2525...Rush Limbaugh will be dead.

Science Teacher Mommy said...

Oh, Nancy Face. THAT is funny.

Physcokity said...

"Americans will have reached a new level of patriotism where shopping for copious amounts of useless junk grows the GNP and simultaneously the debt to record levels each year."

I thought we were already there! Whoa Doc this is heavy, apparently time travel is possible.

In the year 2525 ...I can't tell you right now I've got to clean my future scope.

I thought the typo was daring to make mistakes while you can still get away with it...only 517 years left to make that mistake.

jams o donnell said...

2525? For once a politician talking the long view? I'm amazed!

If he is still in office he still won't beat Strom Thurmond as the oldest ever senator...

Suburban Hippie said...

There was a sign on a patient's door today that advised people to use contact precautions in cases where patients with his condition have Lleostomies... instead of Ileostomies.

aubrey said...

in the year 2525, the earth will be destroyed. IMO.

aubrey said...

i just wanted to type IMO. that was my first. that was my virgin IMO.

Elastic said...

Don't you mean IMHO?
In My Humble Opinion?


In my case, IMHO, usually means In My Half-Arsed Opinion!

nikko said...

I'm too busy laughing at Nancy Face's comment to think of a snarky one of my own. Sorry.

I do love me a good typo, though. Copy editing was one of my favorite courses.

Lisa said...

Very funny, Nancy Face!

We chuckled over this (I shared with Don) and then when I got the mail--I found a letter from Sarah Palin to Emily!! Yep! She can't vote, but Sarah wants Emily's money. Too bad she has none.

Jean Knee said...

there's no possible way we'll still be around. we're all (mostly) a buncha dumb masses who are gonna go extinct cuz of our own dumb massness

mark my word

Amber said...

Sooooooo glad school has gone off to a smooth start. And everybody loves your daughter? Ahhh, she takes after her mama. :-)

Lauren said...

My mom....is crazy. enough said.

Millie said...

I HATE HATE HATE THAT SONG!!!!!!

Who cares who's alive in 2525? Do you think people back in 1325 were wondering about me? WERE THEY?

OK, but I love you and think you're wonderful. Thought I'd leave on a positive note. :)

Chell said...

In the year 2525 Africa will finally have a government worthy of praise..

As if thats ever possible.

:)

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