Monday, October 27, 2008

Things My Mother Taught Me......

When I was 5 years old, my beloved Grandfather passed on.
My mom tried to soothe away my profound sorrow by explaining that Grandpa hadn't really left us. She said he'd transformed into a beautiful angel who was watching over me....and everything I did.........all the time.......no matter where I was........Grandpa would ALWAYS be there, WATCHING me.

I refused to shower without my bathing suit on for nearly 6 months after that. I dressed myself in the darkness of my closet and slept underneath my bed at night. I constantly worried that Grandpa was going to rat me out for hiding my morning vitamins in the light fixture that hung over the table.

I feel guilty about that last one. I'm sure my Grandpa is more ARCHangel than NARCangel.

Grandpa, wherever you are........don't give up any of my trademark beauty secrets or my one-of-a-kind Fish Stick Casserole recipe. I know that you know but just keep it on the low, aight?

35 comments:

Klin said...

I never thought of it that way. I wonder if my kids are getting dressed in the dark.

LOL though. This is priceless.

Science Teacher Mommy said...

I just love how bad we manage to screw up our kids on a regular basis. Even when we are trying to do the right thing. After my brother had to do a merit badge on fire safety by creating an evacuation plan for our house, I've always imagined that I'll die in a horrible inferno started by a grease fire in the kitchen.

Lisa said...

Poor little freaked out infidel girl! :(

Funny, though, I still think about relatives who have passed and wonder if they can see me cheat and eat that cookie....or whatever else bad I am doing. I won't tell.

b. said...

I agree...this is priceless!

123 checkoutourfamily said...

hahaha...that's too funny. I can just see you hiding to get dressed. I'm glad you got passed the swimsuit thing too. hahaha

LaDawn said...

Fish stick casserole??
That certainly sounds YUMMY!

I'll trade you my Cherry Coke Jell-O salad recipe for your fish stick casserole recipe.

LaDawn said...

I've always bathed with my swimming suit on. It's just more modest that way.

Elizabeth-W said...

This is totally me, to this day. I think about posts I write...about the sex I have, all that stuff. It really bugs.

Elizabeth-W said...

I just have to keep telling myself that they're too busy to watch me b/c they're getting teased by their progenitors about stuff they know about.

Suburban Hippie said...

I think about that every once in a while and it creeps me out... I guess those ghosts have seen it all anyway.

nora.lakehurst said...

You are toooo cute. I love that. I have never been to a viewing since my GGrandpa's . Because I swore he got up and winked at me. Yah I know. But seriously I will have nightmares if I do.

Nancy Face said...

That is just AWESOME.

Hey It's Di said...

I went through some of the same things but it was because I went to see Jaws!! No angels lurking. Just the thought of sharks lurking in my tub and me having to make a quick getaway:P

Fish Stick casserole sounds awesome! I'm all over it if it involves sticks and easy stuff.

wynne said...

Ah, it never fails: mom applies the healing balm to soothe your wounds, and it turns out you're allergic...

Vitamins in the light fixture? How did you manage that without your mom seeing you? (I need to know. As a child, I did something similar. I used to toss the hateful peanut butter sandwich into the neighbor's juniper bushes (out of my mom's line of sight) on the way to school.)

wynne said...

And how did you ever manage to use the toilet? Weren't you afraid he was down there, looking up?

Eek!

Sketchy said...

Was Grandpa really that creepy? Surely he shut his eyes out of modesty now and then.

carrie said...

I love your stories. Speaking of stories will you be listening to ghost to ghost on Friday night? I will be.

Hilary said...

That's just too adorable.. and kind of timely. I just wrote something about grandparents who have passed on.. and their grandkids.

VE said...

I'm having trouble grasping that the concept of heaven is watching your loved ones do weird things back on Earth...

Stacey said...

Poor little EWL! That is too funny about the vitamins in the light fixture.

I feel like my deceased relatives are judging me every time I yell at my kids. Sad but true.

Millie said...

Heh heh, "NarcAngel." It sounds like the next CSI waiting to happen. :)

I'm impressed you could reach high enough at age 5 to put your vitamins in the light fixture - was it one of those low-hanging ones?

Millie said...

I have a theory about our ancestors watching us get dressed. I don't think they should. If they do, I'll have a big bone to pick with them when I meet them. Ewwwwww.

Elastic said...

Yes. The light fixture was one of those 70's styled one (well, it WAS the 70's. Duh) on a realllly long chain. Remember those how the cord was wrapped in the chain link thngie and then the fixture dangled over the table? The fixture had these little individual cups that held the bulbs and I'd stow the vitamins in there until I had an alone moment to retrieve them.

Eventually my mom jumped on the Norman Rockwell scenic bandwagon and got a closed fixture from Sears. That was the end of my vitamin smuggling days.

JustRandi said...

If this is true, I am never having sex again.

Heffalump said...

Yeah...I think you have successfully killed the mood for any of your readers today EWL. We are all worried that your Grandpa is watching us!

Rhonda said...

Hopefully there are better things to do in the after life than watching us bathe and change clothes and stuff.

So when are you posting the fish stick casserole recipe. For some reason, at midnight, that sounds delish.

Nancy Face said...

I've been thinking...it might be fun telling my future grandkids stuff like this! ;)

Nancy Face said...

Hey, you're right! The Twilight spoof is sooo funny! :D

nora.lakehurst said...

OK so I had to post here for the Twilight thing because it wont let me leave a post just to email the site. So here it goes. I saw this a while back and I am a hard core Twilight fan. I was laughing so freakin hard. I peed myself. Literally. Yes so good times. You totally have to come out so we can play. SO if you are ever in Utah you know let me know.

Klin said...

What!? No commenting on the Twilight video?!

That was hilarious. I especially like where she is taking notes and then when he slams into the sliding door. Bahahahahahahahahahaha!

Glad you shared it.

jams o donnell said...

Haha EWBL I love this take. Who would want grandpa telling the workd your secrets anyway!

Jean Knee said...

I used to feel that way about Santa. I wouldn't take a bath but just run the water and splash around. I didn't think of the bathing suit thing

Yvonne said...

That is WAY TOO FUNNY.

Physcokity said...

Classic! Thanks for the chuckle on two counts! That Twi-shamockery was fabulous! I especially loved the ending!

I think you and GM have a little bit in common with the supplement stashing. I have it on good authority cough*parents*cough that she used to put her fluoride pills on the other side of her bed after they gave them to her ;) heheh

aubrey said...

that is freaky deaky. i feel like i've heard this story before, maybe you told it to us IRL.

i always wonder what the people who just died are doing and if they're still hanging around on earth, watching us.

about a month after my great grandma died in april, my mom sent me an enormous box of her stuff to go through to see if i wanted anything. it was all of her clothes and dishes and lingerie slips and i felt terrible because there is no way i could ever make something like a mumu dress with a belt work. but i felt like she was sitting there, looking over my shoulder, chastising me for not wanting her belongings. i did end up keeping a few of her lingerie slips..they come in handy when i'm wearing a reeeeally long skirt. oh and i actually did keep her temple dress and wear it when i go to the temple. it's very lacey with a high collar and pearl buttons. very great grandma-y.