Thursday, November 20, 2008

Kohl's Will Sell You A Fine Jew......But Only At Retail Prices

On Saturday I spied with my little eye this sign posted on the side of a rolling clothes rack at Kohl's department store.
The message is clear: If you want a Not Fine Jew on clearance with an additional 25% off, you'll have to go to the Woody Allen bin over on the Barry Manilow aisle.
I, however, opted to pony up a purse-load of shekels to pay full price for a Fine Jew over in the Adam Sandler section. I saw Ben Stiller and Jon Stewart hanging out over there, too.
Of course, a true Jew would be aghast at the thought of compliantly paying retail without any haggling or dickering.
And now I can't stop singing Madonna's peppy pop anthem 'True Blue' as "True Jew, Baby, I Love You......"
The main point is: One should never cheap out when it comes to the quality of Matzoh Balls. Never.

*Poor Barry. I actually feel bad making fun of him since he has been alive forever and he wrote the very first song....it was the song that makes the whole world sing......the song of love and special things!*

25 comments:

JustRandi said...

Your header is crackin' me up! Did you do it yourself?

And are there other religious people on sale? Or is it just the Jews? I just need someone who can work Saturdays, is all.

J-Mom said...

Thanks again for the laughter!

carrie said...

Thanks Elastic now I got I write the songs and the Hanukka song playing in my head simultaneously.

Stacey said...

A fine Jew is worth the full price,no exceptions.

Mazal Tov!

Science Teacher Mommy said...

My Kohl's rule is that it must be 75% off. All of my Kohl's clothes are either a size too large or too small. But very, very cheap.

nora.lakehurst said...

you guys r so funny.

Suburban Hippie said...

I never pay top dollar for my jews, I head straight for the sales racks.

Hey It's Di said...

I would rather have a fine Jew at full price myself. Poor Barry Manilow will always be Barley Manenough to me! I wouldn't pay full price for him:)

Hilary said...

Ack, you couldn't pay me to listen to Barry Manilow. My cousin (a very fine Jew, by the way) adores him. I just don't get it.

Hilarious post.

Mzzterry said...

I buy ALL of my fine Jew's at Kohls....they are worth the full price!

jams o donnell said...

A fine jew is worth an additional premium!

Nancy Face said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Nancy Face said...

I'm still laughing! :D

VE said...

You know the irony of that Barry Manilow song you mentioned? He didn't write it...

Kate said...

BWAAAAHAAAHAAAHAAA!!!!!!!!!!

Sketchy said...

Did they run out of printer ink? Yikes.

I don't think they could get away with that here, too many fine Jews about.

Then again does this mean the fine Christians are being marked down to 50% off?

Amber said...

BWAHAHAHAH! Speaking of fine Jews, I need to pull out my favorite Christmas CD from none other than Babs Streisand herself!

Memarie Lane said...

unless he's 4 cubits tall i'm not interested.

Elizabeth-W said...

4 Cubits! Ha!!
I need to go to Kohl's and check them out. I went 2 summers ago. I bought a pair of pants that shrunk 2 sizes, and a shirt that ripped in the cuff the first time I washed it.
Was that just a fluke or is that how it always is?

aubrey said...

oh great. now i'm having true blue, i mean jew running through my head. nice sign! haha!

Physcokity said...

Barry also writes the songs you get named after...wink wink.

Physcokity said...

MW calls it K-h0l3z for a reason ;)

Jean Knee said...

I really do want a jew for Christmas but only if it's on clearance

wynne said...

Those poor Jews--always getting excluded...

And what, exactly, defines a "fine" Jew?

Rebecca said...

Fine Jews don't come cheap, that's true. My OB is a Jew, with a name and face like his I'm sure of it. I think the 'fine' refers to his medical degree, though.