Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Our Plates And Our Guts Doth Overfilleth With The Bounty Of Free Open House Tidbits

Sing It With Me, Churchy People:
Saturday is a special day
It's the day we go out to the buffet
We clean all our plates and we lick all our spoons
And then we feel bloated on Sunday!

The key to true happiness is to find joy and contentment no matter your circumstances or where you are in life.
My true happiness lies in the Holiday Open Houses that all the local stores host this time of year because nothing makes my Infidel soul soar higher than dainty little morsels of free food amidst a background of fall festivities.
We managed to hit four (FOUR!) Kroger Open Houses this weekend and even had enough spare time to make a quick appearance at our local Wal-Mart.

The mini-Infidels made the acquaintance of international superstar, The Pillsbury Dough Boy.
A word of warning: Do not poke The Pillsbury Dough Boy expecting his jolly trademark "Hee-Hee!" because he pokes back.
Coming To A Movie Theater Near You: The Pillsbury Dough Boy Pokes Back.....This Time, It's Personal!
I guess you have to build up a strong sense of self-defense when you know that people want to bake you alive in their ovens.
One day The Pillsbury Dough Boy might find that special little yeasty lady of his dreams and become The Pillsbury Dough Man.
I hope he never publishes a memoir about it.

Ever see a Goddess in a hair net before? No? Well, feast your eyes below!
It is She who rules over the mighty Steam Table Kingdom with a metal serving spoon in place of a royal scepter. She has an eye for fairness and equality as demonstrated by the perfect food proportions she scoops onto the waiting plates of her loyal subjects.
Buster's stuffing his face and getting stuffed with stuffing. Ironic, no?

Look at my little guy! He's on Round Three in the Open House Eating Ring and he shows no sign of slowing down or giving in to his food opponents. He's like a hungrier version of Rocky Balboa with a lucrative sponsorship from The Clean Plate Club of America.

Melody says: "I'll give you free cheese in exchange for free food. CHEESE!"

Stef works on her Hand-To-Mouth coordination skills using a tricky Lilliputian mini-spoon. She's well on her way to earning her Black Belt in the Competitive Food Eating ranks.

If I knew how to use Photoshop I'd erase my Elvis sideburns and double triple chin. Sorry about that.
(I told you I was fat and I don't like wearing makeup. Stop acting so surprised. And for heaven's sake, your eyes do NOT burn. Stop trying to poke them out of your head. I don't look that gruesome in this picture.)

What the World needs now.....is cake, sweet cake.......
The whole Universe revolved around the cake lady. Literally. My own mini-Infidels kept circling the table like they were in orbit.
The Shrimp Table attendant looked worried when we swooped down upon him. He briskly took off towards the safety of the butcher counter- allowing us to have our way with the bowl of shrimpy lovelies.

Do you have an upcoming Holiday Open House scheduled? Are you looking for a special guest appearance by the notorious Infidel Family to brighten up the party? We'd be happy to oblige!
Just contact our social engagements representative to make arrangements.
If that fails, just light up your giant spotlight with The Sign Of The Fork and shine it over the city to beckon us. We always heed the call of The Sign Of The Fork. Always.

29 comments:

nora.lakehurst said...

YES!!!! FREE food! My family usually hits Costco during the 10-1 showing of their new foods. Some are a bit uhem. GROSS but yet there are some that are yummy. You are lucky they give you plates. We only get toothpicks and tiny scarament cup size portions of anything. How am I supposed to tell if I really like it with that size???
Ah well but yes we do induldge in the yummy foods.

carrie said...

If I ever host a Holiday Open House you Infidels would be the first on my guest list.

Suburban Hippie said...

I'm really wary of the free food people, I try not to make eye contact. When I do take a sample I feel all guilty like now I have to buy the food... it's all very awkward for me.

Stephanie and Co. said...

I'll never be able to sing that 'Saturday' song the right way again.

J-Mom said...

You got the real size plates, but miniaturized spoons, very funny. I don't know if Kroger does open houses here, I'll have to check, even though I probably missed it. I'm guessing not, your Kroger looks a lot nicer than my Kroger.

Rebecca said...

Sam's Club on Saturday is insane. You could make a full meal there!

Jean Knee said...

ahhh geez. I get the shaft again. We don't have anything like that here except Sam's club will give teensy bite sized samples of their stuff. No way you'd ever get full.

Yvonne said...

So fun to see your smiling face--brought back memories of singing in the car ; )

I love hitting our local Costco. None of our grocery stores have open houses--too bad.

Jean Knee said...

I'd give anything if my familia would settle for that red neck feast. Well, at least we'll have paper plates

Lisa said...

You went to 4 open houses? I've never even seen 1! That was a lot of free food those Kroger people were giving out! I have only seen the Costco portions, which are the size of the sacrament cup. ;)

So cool to see ALL the infidel smiles!

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

Hey, I'm working yet another job in addition to all my other jobs. I'm forced to cut way back on blogging.

If I haven't visited you in awhile, now you know why.


And that's what happened when I prayed for some extra money. Instead of big cash bags falling down from the heavens like I wanted, another opportunity for part-time work came right to me. I'll feel more grateful after a nap or two. :)

Klin said...

I'm up for free food. I think it tastes better when I don't have to cook it. The fam disagrees.

Our family Christmas party with the whole gang is Dec 20 at 2 PM. Come on over.

Oh yeah. It's at MY house.

I plead temporary insanity.

Klin said...

BTW- I likes the new look.

Sketchy said...

You look adorable and you have very pretty eyes, I see where your girls get theirs from. So knock it off you there.

Millie said...

I love you.

(((uncomfortable lingering hug that goes on for way too long)))

And I like your Thanksgiving picture. :)

Hilary said...

I love your photo shoots. You are as adorable as your children. So nice to see your smiling face. Nice blog facelift too. Great post. :)

aubrey said...

oh yum. my stomach is a grumblin. why do we not have open houses like that HERE?! how unfair is that. yum. yum.

Suzanne said...

Gotta love the free food samples! And I think you look just fine without makeup. But that is coming from someone who only wears makeup on Sundays and special outings. So what do I know??? ;)

Physcokity said...

The comment section took so long to load that I forgot my snappy remark...something to do with sporks vs forks....oh well.

wynne said...

HA! Where did you GET that header? Please tell me you didn't turn to someone else for your photoshopping needs?

KFC. That's a real Thanksgiving for you.

wynne said...

(What's the new part time job? It's not pokin' the Pillsbury Doughboy, is it?)

Nancy Face said...

I loved singing your song in my brain! I'm too stuffy and sinus-y to sing it with my mouth.

Nancy Face said...

Your Krogers are TONS better than our Kroger! We get good sales but NO FREE FOOD! >:(

Nancy Face said...

This is not wimpy little bite sized stuff...this is some SERIOUS free food! YAY! :)

jams o donnell said...

Ach. our supermarkets are pretty miserly in the free fod front.. I'm barely able to feed two from the samples, let alone eight!

Stacey said...

Now those are some portions!!

At Costco I take a lot of samples for "the kids",knowing they won't eat it and it will be mine. Four samples almost makes a small serving.

Hey It's Di said...

I'm feeling a bit left out by the lack of Krogers in our area. Which means, I have been without a single feast at an open house. What's up with that?? I'm a starving girl over here (though my size does NOT indicate such)

I LOVE the picture of you! You are so dang cute that you need to post more pics of you!!

Chell said...

This made me laugh and I was so happy to finally see a picture of the infamous Infidel blogger!!!! :) No, my eyes are not burning and yes, thats a good pic!!

Nouveau Me said...

You look like me!! I love you all over again! And we look great without make-up!