Tuesday, November 25, 2008

A Turkey Mercedes: The Ultimate Thanksgiving Day Parade Vehicle

So, I got this e-mail trumpeting the succulent wonders of a Turkey Mercedes. It even gave explicit instructions on how I, elasticwaistbandlady, could manufacture my very own Turkey Mercedes just in time for Thanksgiving.
I've tried out lesser turkeys. I vividly remember eating Turkey Pinto and Turkey Yugo during the holidays of my impoverished youth.
You could never dance "The Bump" after eating Turkey Pinto for fear of sudden combustion.
Isn't it enough that your flaming Uncle Rick is at the dinner table? Do we really need the whole family ablaze too?
Anyway, I decided that it's high time that I move into the luxury turkey market by taking a Turkey Mercedes out for a little test drive.

In most cases, a smoking, overheated Mercedes would be a bad thing--but not a Turkey Mercedes. It just makes it smell delicious.
When you press the Turkey Mercedes beak-shaped horn it emits a distinctively throaty "Gobble, Gobble" sound.
And you can't pass another Turkey Mercedes on the road without your Turkey Mercedes launching into either a mating dance or an Alpha Turkey Squawk-A-Thon.
The best part of a Turkey Mercedes? You'll never have to buy gas for it. No, instead a Turkey Mercedes will GIVE you gas, and plenty of it, too because the fuel components run completely on corn-based products.
Although, admittedly, the emissions system is ploppy stank-fest of foul fowl matter.
Turkey turds--they ruin everything.

I'm hoping against hope that Pebbles will release Turkey Mercedes Boy, an updated follow-up to her big 80's hit Mercedes Boy, before the next big Turkey Day rolls around.
"Would You Like To Ride In My Turkey Mercedes Boy?"

PEBBLES- MERCEDES BOY

TURKEY MERCEDES: THIS THANKSGIVING'S STATUS SYMBOL OF CHOICE.
Please contact your local authorized Turkey Mercedes Dealer for more information. Or you could just go to this TURKEY MERCEDES site on Allrecipes where you can see for yourself what all the inner workings, secrets, and just what a Turkey Mercedes is really made of.

*From Mercedes Ruehl to Mercedes-Benz....... NO actual Mercedes were harmed in the making of this recipe. Please be a responsible Turkey Mercedes owner and have your Turkey Mercedes' oil changed every 3,000 miles or every time your mom asks if you've gained weight while you're scarfing down your holiday dinner. Whichever comes first. *

16 comments:

Stacey said...

First!

I want a turkey mercedes then I would be the envy of the neighborhood.

Now I'm boppin' along to that song in my head.

Millie said...

Second!!!!!

You said "turkey turds."

Millie said...

I could never eat a turducken because you can't make turducken without "turd." That's something I try hard to steer clear of.

aubrey said...

i got nothin.

nikko said...

Me neither. Thanks for the giggles.

Palm Springs Savant said...

uh...wow that's cool!

Millie said...

I want you to know, I had that dingie "Mercedes Boy" song stuck in my head all afternoon.

But then I went and saw Edward and he made it alllll go away. ;)

Jean Knee said...

uhhmm, I don't like turkeys
or their turkey turds

Elizabeth-W said...

That does look like a great recipe.

Rebecca said...

Since you posted the link I HAD to go click on it.

At first glance I thought the recipe was submitted by 'Anal'. I thought that was gross. Then I realized it was "Anel".

Ahhh, I don't know about Turkey Mercedes, but I needed me a good dose of Elasticity.

Chell said...

Hee hee..that made me laugh :)

Hope you had an awesome Thanksgiving!! Here is South Africa, we just had a Happy Thursday! :)

jams o donnell said...

A Turkey Mercedes? Sounds tatier a Lemon Chrysler!

Nancy Face said...

Okay, this was awesome! So funny! :D

Nancy Face said...

The recipe sounds scrumptious...but I'm too much of a lazy bum to do that much prep work...even for a Mercedes type turkey.

Nancy Face said...

I am coveting your header!

Nancy Face said...

I've been pondering this for the last 24 hours or so...how big are turkey turds?