Friday, December 05, 2008

My Daughter: Future Creator Of The Council For Stink Prevention


I work out in the pseudo-country on Mondays/Tuesdays
I usually drag along the least resistant mini-Infidel to work slave labor for slave wages enjoy the fresh country air and scenic beauty.
I refer to it as the pseudo-country because while many of the farmhouse-styled homes have lots of acreage with big red barns and painted ponies dotting their sprawling fields, they still live in a deed restriction-controlled neighborhood surrounded by modern conveniences.
It's not country living if you can walk to the grocery store for a gallon of milk instead of being forced to massage Ol' Bessie to give up her last lactating drop.
So, the pseudo-country--they're city enough to have their very own Chik-Fil-A drive-thru but too rural to enjoy the privilege of the city sewer system.
I feel bad for pseudo-country kids. They don't even have a conveniently located curbside hole to toss their bleeding-with-red-ink schoolwork failures into like us city folk.
So, in case you haven't had the odorific pleasures of touring an area that's relying on septic tanks during a muggy day or in the aftermath of torrential rains, let me just sum up the experience for you: It stinks. It stinks real bad.
We had a high of 80 degrees on Tuesday. Crazy, I know. Why don't you and Mr. Global Warming go to the Conspiracy Corner to discuss it at length?
Anyway, it was pretty stenchy.
And then my brilliant second-oldest mini-Infidel burst forth with the most ingenious piece of stank combativeness: Utilize the city mosquito control trucks to spray heavy doses of Febreze air sanitizing mist into the feces-fragranced countryside.
Yeah, she superseded my own brilliant stench-fighting plan.
I guess she's right. It really would be impractical to try to plug in a million and a half vanilla-scented Renuzit Plug-In room deodorizers down at the Power Plant.

15 comments:

Millie said...

FIRST!!!

bbl

Millie said...

I try to avoid buying any product with "poopsie" in its name.

In other potty-rific news, I was watching 90210 the other day (don't judge me) and noticed that their pseudo-brand name for the show porta-potties was "Oui Oui." "Yes, yes! It IS a toilet!"

Suburban Hippie said...

I am all for things that get rid of smells. I changed a diaper yesterday that was so stinky the stink stayed in my nose all day... it smelled exactly like that kind of breath people get that is poo like and lingers even after they are done talking.

I need to carry some sort of menthol to put on my upper lip before I enter the war zone... or I could just spray little old ladies with this Poopsie Daisy stuff. Old people generally like being sprayed.

Stephanie and Co. said...

What a brilliant idea!
I'm in the conspiracy corner with Mr. Global Warming, and we've just invited Mrs. JFK assassination. Fun times.

Jean Knee said...

pwewww

J-Mom said...

We just got back from the in-laws that live out in country-country. The only thing near by is a paper mill. Talk about a place that would be in need of your Fabreze idea.

My Mom lived in a town growing up that had a paper mill on one side and a pig farm on the other. Stinky-stank.

Stacey said...

I should make my son spray that stuff before he goes into the bathroom. It's just..whoa.

Klin said...

I don't believe that the stuff works. It usually takes at least half a bottle of Febreze air freshener to clear out the room following Mr.

Just a couple shots for me. I'm not near as stinky :P

Make no attempt to verify this with hubs. He will lie about it.

jams o donnell said...

Hmm I find lighting a match pretty effective, even if there is a major risk of explosion!

Physcokity said...

OOOH I'm in favor of jams' idea.

Memarie Lane said...

Wow, poopsie daisy. You'd think that if someone would bother to spray that stuff, they'd be the same people that would bother to clean the toilet regularly to prevent the odor in the first place.

My midwife in Florida lived in an area known as Countryside. She explained that when she first moved there it actually was the country, but urbania slowly crept in. So she's across the street from a horse ranch and flanked on both sides by big box stores.

Hey It's Di said...

Have you ever tried to cover the smell of poo with something delicious and fragrant? I have and now my bathroom smells like somebody pooped a coconut. A bit gross I think!

Hey It's Di said...

I live in the pseudo-country. So I'm a little bit country. . and a little bit rock and roll:)

Nancy Face said...

Pure genius! Keep those city workers busy and save everyone's noses at the same time!

Nancy Face said...

80 degrees in DECEMBER? Ridiculous! :0