Friday, January 30, 2009

Elastic's Got A Brand New Bag!

For the past 15 years I've lived, laughed, and loved per the bossy instructions on those cloying Mary Engelbreit magnets. I'm still working on fulfilling Mr. Spock's admonition to "Live Long And Prosper" but it's hard to obey the powerful messages broadcasted on cheesy merchandise all the time, you know?
A whole decade and a half. That's how long I've endured a bag lady evolution of sorts.
At 19 I carried a book bag to school that dazzled and amazed all who passed by with its brightly festooned cowboy boot motif.
My college career cut woefully short, I traded the Boot Scootin bag in at the age of 20 to make room for the plastic shopping mall bags that often held a recently purchased handbag or two like some sort of weird Bag O' Nesting Dolls thing.
It's ironic but those sets of bags were courtesy of my job which involves newspaper bags.
Later that same year bags symbolizing gluttonous spending were forever replaced by grocery bags brimming with the ingredients necessary to achieve a state of sublime marital utopia; bags from the maternity store soon followed.
By 21, I added a diaper bag to the mix which unexpectedly became my constant companion over the next 10 years and throughout 5 more mini-Infidel births.
There's a gym bag lost somewhere in the chronological order. It lived a short and uneventful life ferrying around a couple pounds of lethargic guilt at letting my fitness club membership lapse. Its remains lie somewhere alongside the Hello Kitty lunch bag purchased when I got on a kick to eat healthier.
The frightfully gray and puffy bags of weariness taking up residence under my eyes have traveled on this entire journey and cognitively recites the Tales Of The Tired to all who look upon me.
But now my bag lady life has come full circle for as of January 12, 2009 I am once again an Infidel chick who parades around the hallways of school, book bag swinging from my arm.

Papi's Christmas present to me looks similar to the model above. Is there anything sexier than a practical utilitarian bag stitched from more olive drab khakis than you'd find at a Gap store employee meeting? No, most assuredly there is not.
I'm also on a diet which means no more Buffets. I'm so sorry Jimmy......at least we'll always have Margaritaville. Golden Corral Buffet: Don't send out the search and rescue party, I'm just fine.........for now, anyway. But if you insist, can you make sure they bring me some of those delectably fluffy rolls and maybe a little steak filet or two....or three?
And as if the Infidel family couldn't get any more in the makeover phase, we're also fervently striving to budget better in 2009.
When I skimmed over the Top #10 New Year's resolutions list I realized that I'm personally attempting about 7 of them.
You should hear me belt out Tim McGraw's "Live Like You Were Dying"; it sounds more along the lines of "You Sing Like You're Dying" but at least I'm doing everything humanly possible outside of riding a bull named Fu-Manchu to bring some hope and change to the Infidel homestead in this upcoming year.
Man, hope and change. I went there and used that. Maybe I should just declare this the historic year of the cliche.
I'm a windbag/bag lady not yet sure what bag will be accesorizing my life in the near future. As long as I'm not being carted away in a body bag the possibilities are as limitless as the hairs on my chin.

36 comments:

Science Teacher Mommy said...

"I'm sorry Jimmy Buffet. We'll always have Margaritaville." Hah! Good luck with the diet; that pretty much sucks. (As long as you are sucking smoothies and not shakes, I guess.)

And.I.Love.Your.Bag.

Science Teacher Mommy said...

Was I really first? What are the odds?

Jami said...

Wow, seven out of ten? Don't kill yourself, woman. (Or anyone else.) Good luck on the diet, the school, the budget and the new bag. Thinking about you frequently! (And affectionately.)

Carrot Jello said...

Yeah, well, I talked to Elastic TWICE today.
Beat that!
I just came in here to twirl around.
I love your layout!

carrie said...

Wow, this post was very motivating. I think I need to accomplish some things in 2009 as well. I'm going to start with buying a new purse.

carrie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
carrie said...

Love the new look! All red and blue very bipartisan.

Suburban Hippie said...

Good for you! Goals are the bomb... I totally typed momb the first time and it makes me laugh for some reason.

Cute bag. I am one of those dorks with a rolly backpack - the nursing program require to many really heavy books for me to carry them.

Rebecca said...

I LOVE that pack! That's what I should use for a diaper bag. It would look so much cooler!

And why leave out riding the bull? Unless you don't want Papi thinking you're even more sexy than you currently are, he may never leave you alone!

Klin said...

Your mom goes to college! Woot Woot!

It ain't easy, but it is worth it. Did my college with 4 children and a whole lot more on my plate. Would go back and do it again if they wouldn't let me go back to single and do it the first time.

Guess I am a windbag/bag lady, too.

Annie said...

...and I bet it smells like cotton candy.

Hey It's Di said...

I'm a bag lady myself and have a bag for every phasae in life and season. Ahh good memories....and some I'd rather forget!

Best of luck on your diet. I hope you are more driven than I am. I did lose 9 pounds and then quickly rewarded myself with a weekend of mass food consumption to celebrate my success of finally ALMOST getting to 10....I'm afraid to get back on the scales now:(

Millie said...

I like it - especially the sheriff-y looking star badge. That brings out the cop-lover in me.

I think it's great that you're in school... but you know that. :)

Millie said...

P.S. I also love your new layout - that Smiling Infidel picture is quite hilarious.

jams o donnell said...

Very nice! I just bought a new bag that looks pretty similat.. it's not a man bag rather somethig for my cameras!

Jean Knee said...

I dreamed you came to visit me in a huge cargo truck. Your hair was so cute in those goth type pig tails (I was jealous) and then we sold sandwiches door to door in my neighborhood. I said "This is my friend Elastic" and no one looked at me funny.


what do you think this means?

Jean Knee said...

okay, so why would it be bad if they were tuna fish?

Nancy Face said...

Ya know what? I really love the way you write! :)

Nancy Face said...

Hmmm...seven of the top ten resolutions...that sounds pretty hard! You are teh awesome!

Nancy Face said...

Dieting really stinks, huh? >:(

Nancy Face said...

Your bag is WAY COOL! :)

Millie said...

No comments allowed on your latest? Are you afraid someone might agree with you? ;)

Yes, the IRS and the Brinattys go waaaaay back. Sometimes we owe them money, sometimes they owe us money. I hate to think how free and easy things would be if Bri were an elected official.

Of course, he'd be the one honest politican who would pay his taxes, or I'd dump his butt.

Millie said...

I mean, seriously!! Do we not pay their salaries anyway? They can't pay their taxes on their tax-funded wages? Does that sound a little greedy? How do they sleep at night?

Lauren said...

I love your bag!! It is the shiz!

b. said...

Sister Friend....are you going commentless too??
A friggin' Men to your most recent post. I'm still willing to give "change" a chance, but so far....BO isn't making wise choices.

Lisa said...

I'm so happy for you and your new bag! School rules! And so does your new look!

J-Mom said...

LAST!!!

J-Mom said...

Hey!!! Love the new look here! Awesome bag! Good luck on the dieting! You can do it! My plan this year was to not have any new year's resolutions. (that sounds pretty pathetic) You are on a roll though!

Cracked me up with the "hope & change".

Nobody said...

How's come your comments are off?
I love the "Audacity of Auditing". That's great.

I would suggest you and Papi stop paying your taxes, your chances of them hiring you would increase quite a bit.

wynne said...

I'm going to echo Nobody here: I came, I read, and I could not leave a comment.

Ah, well. Taxes, schmaxes, right? I mean, what more could I possibly add that you didn't already come up with first? President B.O....why didn't I SEE that?

wynne said...

And I love the bag. I have stayed away far too long...I mean, you're goin' back to school? Really? Boy, oh boy...

wynne said...

Oh, and you make me feel guilty. I haven't made any new year's resolutions. Unless "I'm really, REALLY going to do better with my VT this year!" (Yeah, right.)

Millie said...

After the lovin'... I'm still in love with ...

BARACK! Sweet dreams! ;)

Nancy Face said...

All those idiots in the political post really tick me off. >:(

Aliceson said...

Loved the last 2 posts and agree whole-heartedly. I voted for Obama but I am not pleased with his herd of tax evaders.

Nancy Face said...

About "What you see is what you get"...

What an awesome post! I love what you wrote in your Response Essay.