Here I am, struggling with the very basic of courses at a community college while my neighbor tools around town flaunting her PHD to anyone and everyone.
It sickens me.
It enrages me.
It makes me want to march down to the Courthouse and demand that I be given my PHD, too!
Surely, by this time, I've earned a PHD in Blogging with a Master's in the Art of Sedentary Living.
The Courthouse only awarded me a paltry and inconsequential GDS.
What the heck am I supposed to do with a flippin GDS??!??!?
Become a Greasy Donut Server? Maybe a professional Gigolo Date Scheduler?
"I'm just a Gigolo, and everywhere I go, I take Elastic the Scheduler with me....."
How about a Gay Dar Salesman? I'd suck at that. I defended George Michael's hetero manliness until the very day he got caught by Police buying chorizo inside a Los Angeles public restroom.
Perhaps a Giant Daisy Sniffer would be a nice career change for me. I already have the requisite super-sensitive nose skills along with tons of expert daisy-sniffing experience.
Guardian of Dirty Seals? Yes, all the bronzed statues will show me holding a scrubby brush in one hand while patting the head of a smiling but filthy seal with the other.
Grave Digger Supervisor? I've already done that.
R.I.P. Goldilocks the fish and Jasper the dachshund.
I hate my neighbor and her sudden windfall of good fortune.
I wonder if I can put my Grave Digger Supervisor background to work?
I wonder if my neighbor's PHD is transferable............