Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Well, I Guess Just Anybody Can Get A PHD In Texas These Days.....


Here I am, struggling with the very basic of courses at a community college while my neighbor tools around town flaunting her PHD to anyone and everyone.
It sickens me.
It enrages me.
It makes me want to march down to the Courthouse and demand that I be given my PHD, too!
Surely, by this time, I've earned a PHD in Blogging with a Master's in the Art of Sedentary Living.
The Courthouse only awarded me a paltry and inconsequential GDS.
What the heck am I supposed to do with a flippin GDS??!??!?
Become a Greasy Donut Server? Maybe a professional Gigolo Date Scheduler?
"I'm just a Gigolo, and everywhere I go, I take Elastic the Scheduler with me....."
How about a Gay Dar Salesman? I'd suck at that. I defended George Michael's hetero manliness until the very day he got caught by Police buying chorizo inside a Los Angeles public restroom.
Perhaps a Giant Daisy Sniffer would be a nice career change for me. I already have the requisite super-sensitive nose skills along with tons of expert daisy-sniffing experience.
Guardian of Dirty Seals? Yes, all the bronzed statues will show me holding a scrubby brush in one hand while patting the head of a smiling but filthy seal with the other.
Grave Digger Supervisor? I've already done that.
R.I.P. Goldilocks the fish and Jasper the dachshund.
I hate my neighbor and her sudden windfall of good fortune.
I wonder if I can put my Grave Digger Supervisor background to work?
I wonder if my neighbor's PHD is transferable............

18 comments:

Klin said...

I'm moving to TX if they will give me a PHD without all that dang writing and research ;)

Maddy said...

Maybe her Phd is in Preparatory hair dressing?
Cheers

jams o donnell said...

Who needs a post nominal on your business card when you can have it on a number plate!

Heffalump said...

She probably had to bribe someone for that PHD...

Science Teacher Mommy said...

Gigantic Duck Slurper? I've heard liquid duck is very tasty. Gross Diet Salad?

I'm mostly interested in how I get the huge eyeball on my license plate. Now that would turn heads. I might have to think about really pimping out the Civic then.

I remember when I found out that a major idiot (in every single way) from my graduating class was a dentist. I was like, "What? ANYBODY can get into dental school now?" I've never trusted a dentist since.)

Suburban Hippie said...

It's probably in communication... that's the lamest degree ever.

My Diary said...

DHM degree on my car. Maybe I'll become a Tamn hot mama.

Elizabeth-W said...

buying chorizo???

NOBODY said...

"buying chorizo" HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!

You can always make me laugh.

Nancy Face said...

Stinkin' neighbor...thinks she's smart or sumpthin'.

Nancy Face said...

You're awesome! :D

Hilary said...

Great Demented Story-teller. Always

Stacey said...

Your neighbor ain't all that and a bag of po'-ta-to chips! Thinks she's so smart..pshaw whatever. I ain't not a dummy,I could haz a PHD too.

Stacey said...

The chorizo line..yep I snorted. I'm quite feminine that way.

Suzanne said...

You've done Grave Digger Supervisor??? Elastic, you have some 'splainin' to do! :)

Hey It's Di said...

Giant Dung Slinger? Green Doll Sketcher? Gorgeous Dominating Secretary?

Poopy hairy dog, Perverted Hot Dog.....OH no. NOW look what you've started. I can't quit!

Hey It's Di said...

I love that you've been a Grave Diggger Supervisor. That rocks!

I'm more of a Giant Daisy Sniffer:P

nikko said...

I wanna eyeball, too. Where is the form for that one? I sure didn't see it when I re-registered my van last month. And I even live in Texas, too. NOT FAIR!