Monday, February 23, 2009

I Know Where James Bond Lives


Even without the numbers I knew it was his place.
There was a Moonraker Landscaping Service pruning a giant Thunderball topiary and James was out grilling some fresh Octopussy with this guy who had a Goldfinger.
So much for Bond's private hideaway lair as being "For Your Eyes Only." He practically had the whole Casino Royale there partying it up with him at his makeshift Baccarat table. (It used to be one of those Thomas The Tank Engine tables with real wooden bridges and stuff!)
The Spy Who Loved Me? Uh-uh, sister, he's The Spy Who Loved Everyone! Good thing that Diamonds Are Forever because James Bond's love sure isn't.
Well, Tomorrow Never Dies and we can all Die Another Day, right?
Even though the party was an easy View To A Kill target for The Man With The Golden Gun he chose to drink a martini instead. It was a chocolate martini with a toothpick-skewered gummy bear in the middle.
Whew, that guy like so didn't scare The Living Daylights out of me. Good thing, I'm a Live And Let Die kind of gal, you know?
If I was James Bond's security adviser, I'd recommend replacing the telltale 007 numbers on the mailbox with a nice bronzed set of 99's and getting a nameplate for the top that says "Maxwell Smart" or "Ethan Hunt" you know, something a little less obvious than a nameplate that reads " Bond...James Bond...."

13 comments:

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

I'm working on TWO papers due very soon....as in tomorrow....I'm way behind schedule. Way.

And now thanks to this post I'm going to be humming Carly Simon's Nobody Does It Better/The Spy Who Loved Me song for the rest of the day. It makes me feel sad for the rest cause nobody does it half as good as you, baby you're the best!

Suburban Hippie said...

It's so hard to focus on paper that need to be written when you have things like blogging and FB to distract you... don't your teacher know anything. I guess that would be a big fat Dr. No.

Oh well, You Only Live Twice.

Klin said...

You rock!!

I love reading your creativeness.

Palm Springs Savant said...

oh awesome! I am such a huge 007 fan. loved this post!

Science Teacher Mommy said...

To add my own quantum of solace to the mix (What the h*** does that mean anyway?), I once tracted into Mel Gibson.

At least I told my family I did: nobody had written to me in nearly a month, even my mother, and I wanted to seriously mess with everybody's head. It worked: my younger sister is still convinced taht this is a fact, even though I've explained to her repeatedly that "Nutbar" Gibson actually lives in LA and hasn't been an Australian since before she was born.

In truth, I knew two elders who were convinced that they knew where AC/DC's drummer lived and they doorknocked there at least weekly. What is that old phrase, "If the Church wasn't true, the missionaries would have destroyed it years ago." At least we don't give them a license to kill. . .

jams o donnell said...

Haha EWBL. Good luck with the papers.

Hilary said...

Fun post. Stirring even.. but not shaken. ;)

Yvonne said...

As always--SO CLEVER. LOL at the "Spy Who Loved Everyone"--so true.

Hey It's Di said...

I obviously move through life a bit too quickly and miss out on where James lives or who has a PHD. I've gotta get with the program.(or just come and get the scoop from you...that sounds better:0)

Jean Knee said...

my favorite is Daniel Craig how bout you?

Millie said...

Holy Damn!!!

*Today the part of Millie will be played by an angry swearing robot

Diesel said...

I was number 7 at In & Out Burger yesterday. True story.

Happy Inappropriate Card Day, EWL!

Nancy Face said...

Oh my gosh! How cool is THAT? The hubby man has GOT to read this...