Monday, March 30, 2009

The Smiling Infidel Explains The Unexplainable: S'MORES TORTILLA CHIPS EDITION

We Infidels will climb the highest Target shelves and swim across an ocean of fountain drink seas in search of new culinary adventures.
We'll journey to the very ends of the aisle just to seek out rare and exotic wonders.
We'll be as our pioneer ancestry--traveling the linoleum plains with all our immediate possessions stowed away in a cart as we pursue the newest in flavor explosions for you, our dear readers.
We'll even navigate the treacherous express lane frontier just to bring pure, unadulterated joy to your ailing tastebuds.
Our latest snack food-finding mission yielded a bounteous but unique crop.
BEHOLD: S'MORES TORTILLA CHIPS
(Note how they're "authentic-style." Yep, it's imperative that you stay far, far away from the black market tortilla chip impostors.)

If you can stomach eating stuff coated in brown dust then a bright future awaits you down at the Gorilla Fingers Grill. (Don't look that one up on urbandictionary.com)

Crunch & Munch: That's their Tortilla Chip Tasters Task Force code names.

Chip & Dip: These two are a rogue band of chip eaters--circumventing the Tasters Task Force and causing biting mayhem wherever they go.
I see we have a wily double agent in our midst.

Young Melody pulls the tried-and-true "damsel in distress" maneuver......

So she can willfully bump off the competition and hoard the bag of chips all to herself!

Sometimes great combinations come together through a series of miraculous events......while other times great combinations arise out of necessity--like when there's nothing left in your pantry to eat but some stale tortilla chips and a half bag of marshmallows, so you sprinkle some cocoa powder on top and call it dinner.
I'll let you decide which was the inspiration for this product.
Before you ostracize your fellow man for their unsightly brown-streaked fingers, I hope you'll remember this post and restrain your brown dust prejudices.
Eating the S'more chips is cruel enough punishment.

[The Smiling Infidel Theater-located in the lefty section of my brain-is currently putting on an amusing production explaining the origins of S'mores tortilla chips. Apparently a stereotypical Mexican was crossing the Texas border late at night while clutching a bag of tortilla chips. Well, he accidentally but fortuitously slams into a cowboy, thus dropping his chips all over the cowboy's campfire s'mores. The accusations go back and forth: "Listen, pardner, you jus done dropped your dang tortilla chips into my s'mores" with the Mexican rebutting with a: "No Senor, you drop your s'mores into MY tortilla chips." And then they both trepidatiously take a bite of their concoction....they find instant flavor combo Xanadu....and go into business with one another suckering stores like Target to carry their product. I love happy endings.]

23 comments:

Jami said...

Well, there are those cinnamon tortillas that are pretty tasty. And yet...s'mores...ew. And yet...your cutie ninjas seem to like them. I just don't know what to think!

Hey It's Di said...

Ahhh, I always thought you would make a good pioneer! I imagine that shopping carts on Linoleum are much like hand carts on the plains. And I would imagine that their s'mores were much the same.

That brown finger thing scares me!

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

I'm supposed to be writing a 7 page paper about Marie Louise Elisabeth Vigee-Lebrun (Try putting that on a grain of rice, mall kiosk clerk!) due on Thursday, but instead I blogged.

I felt the pressing need to share our S'more tortilla chip discovery with the whole world.

jams o donnell said...

Ah EWBL you missed a golden opportunity to combine your blog post with the paper by posting a "self portrait in a smores tortila hat"

I had forgotten the name but I knew the self portrait when I looked her up!

Elizabeth-W said...

That is not so fabulous-tasting, I think.

Klin said...

Your ninja's make those look good! Were they really? Your opinion is requested here, of course.

S'mores Tortilla Chips. Hmmm. Is that like S'mores with a little salt? Could be delicioso!

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

KLIN: Suck, Suckier, Suckiest

Those are all adjectives used to describe our S'Mores Tortilla Chip taste experience.

Your crunch-a-thon may vary, of course.

Jean Knee said...

hmmmmm

they sound vile

they might be good with tofu

Annie said...

This is my favorite template, evah!

And I love this post because I get to see your gorgeous band of infidels!

Jillybean said...

I'm just not even sure what to say about those.

I'm pretty sure my teenage son would eat them. He eats anything.

Suburban Hippie said...

I think the person who came up with the idea was thinking "I love s'mores and I love tortilla chips but I hate how I have to alternate between the two... all that chewing is a lot of work. Eureka! I'll combine the two into one effortless taste sensation."

Stacey said...

I like my s'mores,but it looks like Target has found a way to turn me off of them. Ew.

Palm Springs Savant said...

those look delicious, I need to get me some of them there "authentic style" chips!

J-Mom said...

Thanks for giving me the heads up!

Millie said...

"to the very ends of the aisle"? NO WAY!!

This sounds like something only stoners would eat.

Carrot Jello said...

Great post!

Jen said...

I'm not sure how I found you but I'm LMAO. I'm glad to know that there are other women out there who have bizarre scenes acted out in their heads - maybe we'll all meet one day at the asylum. For now, I plan to continue reading your humorous posts and maybe I'll be inspired to get some of my own absurdity into print.

And - yuck - I'm deeply offended that anyone would do that to a tortilla chip.

:) Jen

Maddy said...

Love the explanation. If you like Target's Archer Farms products try out the volcano / chocolate puddings........yum.
Cheers

Nancy Face said...

Hey, I wanns watch that movie that's now playing in your brain! FUNNY! :D

So do you like them? They sound yum to me! :)

Nancy Face said...

Wanns = wanna...foolish!

aubrey said...

lol. well, they sound sick to me. i like chips. but i don't like smores. and i say make that film in your head into a real film and send it to me for my birthday. eh? a little infidel entertainment?

aubrey said...

p.s. is that a new header? i love it.

Emily said...

Who knew Target carried such exotic foodstuffs. I am baffled.