Thursday, May 14, 2009

I'm Putting Some Carrot Jello Into My Bed Tonight!


Ah, the great state of Texas..........
It's home to a many and varied wondrous things.
Things such as those cute little critters known as armadillos. Things such as armies of ready and willing taxidermists that can transform the tragedy of a squished roadkill armadillo into the triumph of a kitschy beer bottle holder provided you don't mind armadillo particles in your alcoholic beverages.
Yes, it's great to be a Texan....most of the time.
Sadly though, despite searching near and far, there' s simply not a satisfying and delightful Carrot Jello to be found anywhere.
Oh believe me, I've been in pursuit of a replicate Carrot Jello companion for years, all to no avail. How hard is it to find some decent Carrot Jello around these parts? A good Carrot Jello is bouncy and beaming with shininess on the outside while also showing there's substance on the inside....well, substance aside from all the shredded vegetables.
Regrettably, I've only found pale imitations of Carrot Jello greatness that either had a surprisingly fruity center or worse yet, absolutely nothing inside.
Carrot Jello doesn't come in a pre-molded design for there's nothing quite like a good Carrot Jello. It's a recipe that stands on its own, totally unique from the other moldy Carrot Jello wannabes.
I found the best Carrot Jello two summers ago in another state. It wasn't the kind that you can pack up and take home with you though I may or may not have tried to slyly stuff Carrot Jello into my suitcase to smuggle back home.
Anyway, I've been going through severe Carrot Jello withdrawal symptoms ever since.
So really, what choice did I have but to get on the phone and beg for a fresh shipment of Carrot Jello to be sent to me straight from the wilds of Seattle?
My bundle of Carrot Jello arrives today. I plan on experiencing a complete and total Carrot Jello overdose for the next 5 days.
I secretly want to keep Carrot Jello all to myself but if some of you are just dying to know where you too can get a heaping helping of delicious Carrot Jello you can go to her amazingly funny blog here: CARROT JELLO
She's also 100 percent cuter than that inferior Carrot Jello picture I posted at the top.
We have a whirlwind itinerary all lined up that includes: A stop to meet with the royal proprietor of Dumass Tacos, a date with the karaoke machine at Incredible Pizza (we're definitely going to rock a "Brandy" duet), dual chin plucking marathons, and maybe, as time permits, we'll even engage in some adventures in roach killing.
Here in Texas the roaches are not only as long as your middle finger but they also fly. We'll need cucaracha nets and safari hats equipped with a built-in RAID sprayer.
Act now and maybe some of you can book this first-class Carrot Jello to show up in your city for a special appearance. Perhaps this can turn into the Carrot Jello World Tour 2009. The first stop on the tour? H-Town: Home of The Smiling Infidel!

27 comments:

Klin said...

You hug Carrot Jello for me.

Nancy Face said...

Wishing I was in Texas with y'all...flying monster cucarachas or not! Have the best time EVER! :D

Science Teacher Mommy said...

And the roaches flip the bird when you try to kill them.

Stacey said...

Have a fun time with your carrot jello!

Millie said...

Hug each other for me... smooch!

Jami said...

A bit jealous, I must admit. But I will suppress the unworthy feeling! I'll think of you both fondly while I pluck my chin hairs all alone.

Have a marvelous time!

Jean Knee said...

you so lucky, infidel. I've never even seen carrot jello much less tasted it.

Elizabeth-W said...

The best way to get someone to never come back to Houston is to have them come any time between March and October.
Those roaches are the same size as hummingbirds.

jams o donnell said...

I hope that Carrot Jello has a great time at Infidel Central!

Suzanne said...

There's a lot of Carrot Jello here in Utah...wait I think you prefer the Washington variety! ;) Have a wonderful time visiting together!!! I want to hear about all your adventures. :)

S said...

I will trade you some carrot jello for some kc bbq! I might be able to ship a nobody! It has happen before not too long ago! Let me know, I will even take leftovers!

Millie said...

Please tell me you and Carrot didn't run away together.

Nancy Face said...

HEY!

Happy Burp-day! :D

Carrot Jello said...

Happy Birthday! :D

carrie said...

I hope you and Carrot had a great time.

Happy Birthday!!

Millie said...

Hope you're wearing your birthday suit today! Feliz Cumpleanos!! :)

smooooooooch

lizlaughs said...

I don't know you but Happy Birthday!

You can thank Carrot.

Lauren said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

Sariah in Vancouver said...

Happy Birthday! I hope it's a great one!

Crissie said...

I come to wish you a Happy Birthday! Glad Carrot Jello directed me here...I just love your blog :)

Heffalump said...

Happy Birthday Elastic!

Luisa Perkins said...

I hear it's your birthday--party it up!

Suzanne said...

Happy Birthday, Elastic!!! :)

Millie said...

You might want to check your cooking blog.

omar said...

Happy day after your birthday!

Annie said...

Ohh...the snorthing, flashing, and bedwetting to be had on the Carrot Jello World Tour. Thinking of you and wishing you a great time!

Millie said...

I feel the warmth of her haaaaaand in miiiiiine...

Ooooooh, I hear laughter in the rain
Walking hand in hand with the one I love

Hope you're having a lovely post-birthday evening. :)