Monday, March 14, 2011

The Smiling Infidel Word Of The Day: Learning New Vocab The Infidel Way!

My Sexy-Mexi husband Papi has recently embarked on a triumphant weight loss regimen in which he's dropped a staggering 30 pounds in less than six weeks time.
He wants to lose another 10 so that he fits the average weight-height chart specifications of 150 pounds.
The problem with that is that the creators of these charts have a one-size-fits-all mentality and they don't take important things into account like abnormal head sizes, or extreme body hair, or gold teeth because I'm sure all that adds extra weight to a person.
Anyway, my Papi has a gargantuan head atop his very petite 5'6 body.
The more weight he loses the more prominent the disparity.
I told him that with his light brown skin he's starting to resemble a caramel candied apple on a stick.
My very righteous and spiritual Papi shot me his dainty middle finger in response.
I'm not scared of him because I now outweigh him. I can wrap my arms around him and pick him up.
Yesterday I swung Papi around the kitchen....much to his displeasure.
I told him that's part of the trials and tribulations he must suffer as punishment for marrying a woman who's bigger than him.
Before work today Papi continued lamenting that he hasn't lost any weight in 2 days when my fat self finally snapped and informed him that he's dangerously close to becoming an anorexican.
Yeah, an ANOREXICAN......a Mexican who's consumed with an unhealthy/unflattering weight loss obsession.
And that is your Infidel Word Of The Day. Go forth my peeps and try to use ANOREXICAN at least once in a sentence.
Then, when you've exhausted the possibilities to throw in a random ANOREXICAN or two, look into joining my new 80's Lingo Resurrection Society.
I'm doing my part. I introduced the kids at church to the lost word "boss." Now they use it instead of the more popular "beast." Dude, that's so BOSS!
My amazing dentist, Dr. Thomas Hernandez is trying his hardest to bring "NO DOY!" back from the edge of expression extinction. It's kind of like that song "He's Bringing No Doy Back......Hey!"
I firmly believe that with a few word nerds on our side that together we can reinstitute the lost glory of choice 80's grammar for a whole new generation.
Awesome? Yeah, like NO DOY!


Carrot Jello said...

O.k., this?
"I swung Papi around the kitchen..."
made me laugh out loud.

Nancy Face said...


Best laugh I've had in a while...Hubby Man, too! :D

Elizabeth-W said...

He sounds like a character from a Peanuts cartoon :)
And I'm pretty jealous. What is his secret? If you tell me it's eat less, move more, I'll be bummed.


Papi is doing the very restrictive HCG diet. I started about a week after him but sadly women have a harder time on this diet since:

1. Menstruation affects results
2. You can't use lotion
3. You can only use certain kinds of makeup
4. Just touching anything fatty during food preparation can sabotage the diet
5. You can't even have sugarfree gum because of the artificial sweeteners.

Sucks. :(

Carrot Jello said...

On the plus side, maybe he could have a 7th child for you.

p.s. you don't want papi wearing makeup anyway, do you?

jams o donnell said...

Anorexican. I love it EWBL!

nikko said...

So funny!

That's crazy that he's lost so much so fast. Took me a whole friggin year to lose 30 pounds. ;o)

Anonymous said...

You ever notice that Biggest Loser Trainer Bob's head sometimes looks to big for his body too.