When you give somebody a gift, you want to ensure that it's something special and meaningful. Something original that they'll undoubtedly think of you every time they see it. After much searching, I found that unique gift for my favorite warehouse guy in the whole wide World, Major.
Since we are paper carriers by trade and that entails long, lonely stretches in the middle of the night with nary a toilet in sight, I naturally thought that a portable urinal would be a superb item to have. Yes, it is a female urinal, and the rounded shape is perfectly contoured to a woman's anatomy. However, that's the beauty of it, the urinal conforms to a man's needs as well, making it suitable for both genders in the VERY RARE event that Major has a female passenger in his vehicle.
Because, Major enjoys things of beauty as much as the next macho guy, I painted bold, colorful ditzy flowers all over it. Now, it's perfectly camouflaged as a vase. Not just any vase but a dual purpose masterpiece. As you can see, it's ergonomic in design, breathtakingly beautiful, and above all else functional.
Truly, I have outdone myself. It feels good to be such a wonderful human being.
11 comments:
The chocolates were very good!
The urinal will hopefully never be used. However, I did appreciate the gift and thought.
A urinal is like a box of chocolates, you never know what will come out of it.
One time, I went to Galveston with my girlfriend (now wife) and she had to pee, but there was no bathrooms in sight. It was Mardi Gras and around 10pm. I drove a big '78 Econoline Ford Van that was green (mystery machine) and I gave this guy and his 2 girlfriends a jump for a swig of Jim Beam. While I was doing that, wife (girlfriend at the time) peed into a plastic grocery bag in the back of the van. It all worked nicely, and now maybe your urinal is made w/recycled plastic grocery sacks that maybe, just maybe, came into intimate contact w/my girlfriend's excess wastes! Pee on, and proudly! Oh yeah, I don't drink Jim Beam anymore, although sometimes I could use a shot or ten...
Recycling is good. Recycled urine filled grocery sacks? Not so much.
Major, since you won't pee in it maybe you should use it as a large drinking mug. It does have measurement markings running up the sides of it. Apple juice and lemonade would be the beverages of choice. Did you notice that if you hold it sideways, the shape will also perfectly accommodate your mouth? I'll say it again, what a great gift this is!
Greetings,
I'm just glad you've helped me discover such a thing.
netagra
Yes, netagra, miraculous inventions like the portable female urinal give me hope for all mankind.
Hey miss biotech! Long time, no blog!
Major freely admitted that he's displaying his showstopper 'vase' in a place of prominence in his new house.
Hey Queer Eye Guys, that burning sensation you have is envy at my decorating prowess.
Hilarious!! I always knew it takes a great sense of humor to be a mom (especially of six- whew)!
It takes more than a sense of humor wendela. It also takes the ability to avert your eyes to the constant destruction of your house, close your ears to the incessant fighting, to not wince in pain at your grocery bill, and most importantly the sheer perfection of a scathing stink eye that makes them tremble with fear.
Thanks for partaking and reading some of our family insanity!
You are awesome. Wish I were that creative. The painted vase was laugh-out-loud funny! It made my whole day...Thanks!
It's about time! I can see so many uses for this "vasinal" in the nursing home where I work. Just think of the possibilities!
YES, Veronica! Think of how uplifted the residents will feel with such a beautiful object on their bedside table. Then you factor in the urinals purpose and you have a nursing home decoration winner sure to please the masses.
I don't know about you, but just the mere fact that I wouldn't have to get out of a warm bed on a cold night to pee, is pretty exciting in and of itself.
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