Occasionally, I have difficulty hearing what people say. I'm the official blunder wonder of music lyrics too. I always seem to hear something different than everybody else. This problem has led to all sorts of interesting situations.
When I was 13, my Mom left me home alone while she went to the grocery store. It was the middle of the afternoon when the phone rang. We didn't have all the new fangled technology like Caller I.D. back then, so I picked up the phone and heard a very low and deep voice on the other end. I thought he was asking me, "Where is your Mom?", so I responded, "Oh, my Mom went to the grocery store. May I take a message?" Again, he repeated the initial query and again I responded the same. This went on for at least three more rounds, each time the man sounding more and more agitated. Finally, I lost my patience too and said, "Are you deaf? I told you my Mom's at the store"! Then I heard a click and realized he hung up on me at the same moment I deciphered what he was actually saying. The pervert was asking me, "What turns you on"? I had inadvertently frustrated a grown man over the phone, and it felt satisfying.
My Mom and I had a big laugh over this when she got home and then being the bearer of great wisdom she proceeded to instruct me on how to handle obscene phone callers. Armed with my new knowledge I waited anxiously for some hapless sucker to call. Unfortunately, this took a few years. Where are all the good chauvinist swine when you really need them? My patience paid off, it finally happened when I turned 19. The phone rang and the voice on the other end was demanding the most unspeakably graphic sexual favors. I remained composed and just kept saying in my breathy voice, "MMM, Wow! That sounds fantastic!" Clearly the guy was befuddled by this approach but he continued on, as did I. Then I told him, "I can't wait for you to come over! Do you have my address"? To which he called me a sick, messed up ****, and hung up on me.
When you take away the power of someone to exert control and fear over you, it really ruins their day. I pity that poor guy having to dial more random numbers, one handedly, the rest of the afternoon just to find some other chick to terrorize. Maybe I'm not much of a 'team player', after all.
9 comments:
Yes, it might have saved you miss biotech, but what about the poor guy in my story? Who knows what torment and humiliation he experienced at my hands. I could be responsible for him having a nervous breakdown or reverting to childhood habits to soothe himself, like picking his nose.
Gosh, you need to think of others and their pain too miss biotech!
That was you?!!?
That was YOU, Patrick? You made the wrong career choice. Man, with a mouth and imagination like that you could have easily been chosen as Howard Stern's replacement.
Why does the title of this BLOG entry automatically assume that the stranger is always a HIM??
That is sexist!!!
I personally have plenty of women that call my house expressing interest in my body.
I simply let them know that they couldn't handle my juicy doubles.
Well Major, after all, you are BOOTYLICIOUS! I find it difficult to resist you myself especially when you wear your spicy little track pants.
OOH LA LA!!!
Who is Howard Stern? Didn't he own hotels?
You're thinking of HOJO (Howard Johnson), Patrick. A chain of clean, affordable hotels with family style restaurants attached.
If it was a Howard Stern venture it would be like a chain of brothels with a casino, strip club, and a freak show circus attached.
What's a brothel? Is that ebonic for brother?
I don't know if you'll ever read this comment, but I had a very similar experience to the obscene phone call you first received! I'm going to have to blog about that.
I hear songs wrong all the time, and my sister won't let me ever live down when I got these lyrics wrong. The original lyrics were, "And I miss you....like the deserts miss the rain." I heard, "And I miss you....like the desert, Mr. Ranger." Did I mention I was about 18 at the time?
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