Recently, a few people have been asking me what it's like to live in Houston in the winter. We don't usually get more than one or two days of freezing weather the entire season, which means lots of beautiful blooming flowers. All of these pictures were taken in January in our front yard. If you look closely, you can even see some of the fat, striped caterpillars that gorged themselves on butterfly weed.
It would seem as though we live in wondrous beauty all winter, right? Like a tropical utopia where you don't have to pay squat to the oppressive megalomaniacs at the gas company for heat in frigid weather. We don't have to buy snowsuits, put chains on our tires, shovel our driveway, or worry about our kids eating yellow snow. So, what could the drawbacks of such a luxurious climate be?
I didn't want to offend anyone and post actual pictures, but for one thing warm temperatures year round means that the hootchie women amongst us, never have to shelve the clothes they bought at the 'Pole Dancer Clearance Sale'. That's correct, irregardless of weight, certain women around here continue to wear their booty shorts and handkerchief tops everywhere they go. A scant few have the actual bodies to pull off such a look. Just remember that Men's Health magazine declared Houston the fattest city in the nation two years in a row. Mostly all of these ho-bags have multiple tattoos and piercings too as if the unsightly fat rolls sticking out of their clothes wasn't enough.
Shopping at Wal-Mart, even in the wintertime, is like being present at the 'entertainer' auditions for The Lusty Lady gentlemen's club. These trashy chicks like to congregate there and do their grocery shopping, children in tow, while exposing themselves for all to see. A fellow shopper just last week was as heavy as me wearing a zebra print camisole and low rise denim shorts. I kid you not, we wanted to claw out our own eyes at such an appalling sight. I knew the Wal-Mart fashion situation had reached disaster of epic proportions status when my 6 year old daughter asked me, "Mommy, why does that lady's boobies say Ricky on them"?
I propose that we offer a legislative bill under the Environmental Protection Act to ban Wal-Mart and others from selling such atrocious apparel in such large sizes. They are propagating eye pollution and they need to be stopped. Really, the World would be a much better place without size 4X thong panties and sequined tube tops.
The Smiling Infidel, your crusader for maximum ocular health!!!
8 comments:
We have similar weather. Thank you for looking out (literally) for the rest of us. We have that same problem here, but maybe not quite as large-scale (pun intended). The deeper into the I.E. you get (Inland Empire), the worse it gets and the tighter the aisles of Wal-Mart due to oversize customers. I won't gain points with I.E. lovers, but are there truthfully any out there? Myself, I'm tolerating the fringe of the I.E. until I can get back a bit more west into the "real" suburbs again. Here, though, I don't think Wal-Mart has such pole-dancer clothes for large sizes. Most of the stuff seems fairly matronly styled with LOUD prints and/or colors. Here, I'm not sure where these hootchie big mamas get their "clothing"- but they sure wear it. I used to think, okay, maybe she used to weigh 450 lbs. instead of 290, so (for her) she probably thinks she's lookin' pretty good. Um, no. While they're at it, can they please get/give themselves a pedicure? Along with the warm weather comes sandals (for those not wearing house slippers).How cracked can one allow the feet to become? Ick. No wonder I haven't been in Wal-Mart for a while.
My point wasn't just directed at my fat sisters-in-arms(I'm one of them), but rather the society as a whole around here to exhibit their bodies in public innapropriately. A dragon tattoo on your lower back doesn't make you 'unique', so pull up your pants already. The boob tattoos are really nasty though, and I imagine painful. Some people really do suffer for their 'art'.
I lay the blame on Oprah and the new ad campaign by Dove that assures women they are beautiful no matter what. I think it's encouraged women to let go of their common sense and modesty. Perhaps this is a side effect of the death of shame in this country.
Oh, I can understand seeing lots of skin in skimpy clothes at the gym or a nightclub, but Wal-Mart in the middle of the freaking day? Unless, they just finished a hard day of work on the street corner of the Wal-Mart parking lot.
Is there no shame? Apparently not. Joking aside, it really is awful how there's no semblance of decent behavior (both clothing and actions) in basic places like Wal-Mart. The one near here is so ghetto I won't even go in it. By "ghetto", no racial tones meant- just meaning it's low-down and scummy, with many pierced, angry, shouting at kids, tattooed, slow-moving females in scanty clothing. I travel almost 20 miles if I have to go to another one (which I usually don't). Yeah, what are all those tattoos gonna look like a few years from now (droooop). You may appreciate this little illustrated post on another site from a very opinionated guy. There IS a reason tube tops don't usually come in extra large, but I guess they'll make do anyhow. As for the gym, don't think they've been to one. Can't afford it- tattoos aren't cheap, ya know (unless they do 'em in jail, I guess).
No way, I have actually read this guy's site before because of his ridicule of children's artwork. He is a true Infidel, but he speaks the truth.
Hey miss biotech,
Thank goodness you and I are both models of feminie perfection, right?
I'm so glad it gets to be -30 here for most of the year then! Thanks for helping me to appreciate this frozen tundra. I was begining to complain, but now I remember what happens when it warms up.
Sooooo not looking forward to that around the corner.
I tend to think of Minnesota as a place of purity and mirth with the exception of Jesse Ventura. Don't ruin the illusion mimo!
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