You know how women are assigned this urban myth sort of generalizing about their personalities, as though we can all be pigeon-holed and categorized easily? I resent it. Yes, it's true, I do like chocolate, so all of you who relish stereotyping women, win handily on that point. Other than that though, I don't have a designer shoe fetish, I hate 'chick-flick' type drama movies, the same goes for 'chick-lit' romance novels, I'm not obsessed with my weight and makeup either and how people perceive me (physically, anyway). I'm also not in any way, shape or form delicate and petite.
That being said, I'm not keen on romantic music either. There are scant few slow songs that I can enjoy without feeling like the songwriter is manipulating my emotions. So, naturally when it comes to serenading my husband you will never hear me belt out, 'My Heart Will Go On', or 'I Will Always Love You'. BLEAH! No, instead the selection I choose to sing to him just turned ten years old. It's 'Freak Like Me', by Adina Howard. My husband, Papi's so stodgy and conservative, he considers the smooth jazz radio station to be too wild. I guess that's what makes it all the more fun for me, especially when the lyrics drop about needing a roughneck brother to satisfy my needs. My Papi is the ultimate Mexican nerd, glasses and all, calling him a roughneck brother just cracks me up. Admittedly, I'm not the Rumpshaker Queen I was in my youth, but I still love to sing this song to him, even after 11 years of marriage. Mostly just for the reward of hearing Papi laugh and tell me, "You're so crazy, girlie".
Also, Frederick's of Hollywood keeps sending me catalogs, and I have NEVER even ordered from them. I wonder what the mail lady thinks? A skanky lingerie magazine nestled together in the mailbox with my LDS Ensign periodical. Anyway, the sticker on the back warned me that if I don't purchase from them, this will be my LAST catalog. Okay, I'll concede that they do offer an exciting line of plus size apparel, even naugahyde chaps with butt cut outs, but we just committed to a stringent financial budget for the New Year that doesn't leave any room for kinky frivolity. Besides, I don't like their threatening attitude about it. I'm just going to have to go elsewhere for all my pasties and crotchless panty needs.
14 comments:
I can't stand Celine Dionne. She is an aural enema, a drill boring into my brain, ugh. I was listening to Skinny Puppy tonight, and it was my Celine Dionne Dies Tonight music...Wife does not allow Fredericks' in the house, although I drop hints here and there. What is an ultimate Mexican nerd? Is that on Nap. Dynamite?
An ultimate Mexican nerd is akin to an ultimate burrito from Taco Bell. Everything you would come to expect from a nerd wrapped up in a neat little package.
Playboy has been bombarding our house with subscription offers, I know they got our name from a student list at Sam Houston. How or why Fredericks found me is a mystery.
What is it about Celine Dion that annoys the crap out of me? Her voice is decent but she still bugs me, and I may post someday about my disdain for Jack Johnson. Apparently every LDS woman under 40 think he's the shiznit. WHY?
C.D. has no voice. She's a fag. Who the heck is Jack Johnson?
What you are trying to say with this blog entry is that you are a butch woman!
I am sure that there are numerous flantel shirts that line the walls of your closet, as well as Melissa Etheridge CDs.
Celine Dion has one of the best voices of any singer alive right now. Anyone who doesn't think so might be hard of hearing!
MAJOR! You know me all too well. Yeah, I guess that I am a little butch. Only LESBIAN ROCK music can truly make me happy inside. Do you think Frederick's will ever cater to the butch woman market and start selling flannel lingerie? I would buy a tartain plaid G-string for sure. Personally, I think that we need to see more heavy women with mullet haircuts gracing the pages of their catalog.
BESEME ...BESEME MUCHO...I AM SURPRISED THAT YOU ARE NAT A FAN OF SLOWER MUSIC AS I AM GETTING TO THAT POINT AND THE ACORN DOES NOT FALL FAR FROM THE TREE
Major, I am not a woman, but a butch man...Celine Die-on sounds similar to a cat on steroids in heat! Come on, she plays in Las Vegas! Who listens to music for the voice? Music is the poem, not the lyrics. Celine must die...I am heading the Celine Dionne death squad...
Oh, my - please, no mullets! But I DID hafta look and, yes, there ARE plaid g-strings to buy online! You're in luck!
Death Squad? This is some serious Celene Dion hate. Well, I always thought it was a bit weird she did the Vegas thing so young. To me, Vegas live-ins were Rat-Pack type guys/ages. Haven't been there in years, so maybe that whole scene's changed. The thought of her getting married to such an old guy who's been her manager forever was very creepy. But I guess she had a hard life growing up and made something of it so good for her. I'm not a fan of her music, but no death squad from this part of the left coast. And, Patrick Henry, you don't know Jack Johnson? Oh, I know elasticwaistbandlady's gonna give you an education!
Was Jack Johnson one of the New Kids on the Block?
Listen DAD, you passed on your love of all things gaseous and gross to me and that is a feat you'll have to be satisfied with because romantic music makes me narcoleptic.
Okay, now for a bit of ancient Chinese wisdom to quell the fiery tempest brewing in you Patrick.
Confucius say take another hit on the opium pipe to reach supreme enlightenment and tolerance of Celine Dion.
That was my intention miss biotech, to show that the only way that one can enjoy the musical stylings of Celine Dion is to either be in a narcotic induced stupor or completely deaf. Her voice is amazing, but her song selections suck.
Hey Wendela, do you think it's too late to order up me green plaid thong in time to celebrate St.Paddy's Day?
Actually, a narcotic induced haze would accentuate the hellish grating of dull razors down my back that is akin to listening to Celine Die-on. So, no, I think you have to be mentally ill or just live in very strict boundaries to say you like her. My heart will go on? Ugh. Ministry is my anti-dionne.
Is Jack Johnson real?
Jack Johnson is the new John Mayer. That means another mealy mouthed singer whose songs are all nearly identical. His music isn't bad, but it just gets tiresome after 2 songs. The whole mellow guitar, steel drum thing has been done before, and J.J. doesn't add anything new to it.
Oh, and now that Celine is in Vegas, I bet she's willing to take that next step like Pat Boone did and record mellow coversongs of heavy metal hits. I can picture Celine taking on Industrial Metal hits by Rammstein, NIN, and Ministry and putting her own personal touch on them, can't you?
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