Friday, April 28, 2006

Booby Trap Brings Certain Death

No, not the game Booby Trap, actual, well you know, BOOBY TRAPS. Always ahead of the curve I got to bypass training bras altogether and went right to the real thing at the tender age of 10. I've been 5'6 since middle school. Sadly, I think that's referred to as "peaking early", so it must be all downhill from here. Anyway, while out on the playground for recess I bent over to pick up a dodgeball (we were once so young and so barbaric) and suddenly felt a flutter of movement on my chest. Not wanting to go ballistic, I calmly thumped my chest a few times but the motion didn't stop. I had a complete Tarzan moment going ape****, beating my chest while running and hollering until whatever entity had invaded my shirt ceased and desisted. After building up immunity to constant craziness, none of my peers showed much reaction. We had recess just prior to boarding the home bound bus and I wasn't about to peek down my shirt and start digging around in front of fellow students to see what life and death drama had transpired in my bra. So I waited until I was in the serenity of my own bathroom to look. That's when I discovered a full sized dragonfly dead and dismembered in my cleavage. The crushed shimmery irredescent blue wings made me feel despondent and nauseous simultaneously. Apparently the poor creature couldn't resist the allure of my stinky boob sweat and died because of giving in to malodorous temptation. I discarded the bra into the trash and immediately took a shower. I even composed a short poem and wished the dragonfly remains lying in the trash a peaceful afterlife.

I gazed down into my brassiere and felt depressed
For there lied a dragonfly, smashed to oblivion upon my breast

When I told Papi this tragic tale he just laughed and said that at least the dragonfly died happy. Pervert.

15 comments:

Elizabeth-W said...

Look down your shirt and spell "attic".
Sorry--couldn't resist that ol' elementary school humor ;)

Gia said...

That was by far the best poetry I've read all year. And who knew cleavage could be a lethal weapon (to other species than men).

LOL!! Elizabeth-W I had no clue what you meant and I just had to say "attic" aloud and now I'm dying laughing.

My word verification for this post was mmsmsm. I think it's getting lazy

Radioactive Jam said...

Ah. Okay. I had to read it twice but now I understand; first time through I thought you were saying the dragonfly died *from* your... erm, sweat, rather than because of.

I need to pay more attention while reading. Or possibly less.

Julie said...

Papi's comment sounds like something my hubby would say.

Mimo said...

Oh how sad!
In February I was in a meeting where we had a speaker point out that alady bug had join us. During the prayer something flew down my blouse. I assumed it was a lady bug. so I captured it from the outside and reached in to pull out what I thought would be a cute little round red dot. Instead what I found was a big black ugly flying bug! Horror! Nasty! UGH! I can't believe you went all the way home with that in your blouse! You're a brave woman EWL.

Moi said...

Large chests can be useful for things like killing bugs, holding food droppings, and storing things.
Loved the poem!

omar said...

Well, I could think of worse ways to go...

Moi said...

A little caulk would seal up those pesky cracks that catch things like bugs....or toilet paper, lol.

Mimo said...

Have you seen the butt crack caulk? it's in skin color, and I bet it would work for chest crack. Hahaha!

Mimo said...

Which I should mention I should only be so lucky to have, in the next life when my body is supposed to be perfected. Do you think boob size could be part of resurected perfection?

elasticwaistbandlady said...

I've had to work and my blogging life has suffered for it. You guys are all crackin me up. I've decided to register my boobs as official lethal weapons. So far they're not weapons of mass destruction but that could all very well change in the future.

wendela said...

You guys write the funniest stuff!
(Elastic, hope all's well- heard on TV that your region of Texas has had some bad weather Saturday).

Pisces Iscariot said...

Dragonheart - beats butterfly tummy.

White Man Retarded said...

When I go, I want to be a dragonfly...

Miss Biotech said...

Nice poetic expression of your grief, my friend.