The day has finally dawned where women in politics are amassing widespread adoration and support. Consequently, my co-worker Mrs. Sam and I would like to take this opportunity to officially announce our intentions to win a place on the coveted list of potential Presidential Candidates for the 2008 election.
After the mess of our current administration and the morally defunct shenanigans of President Clinton and his crew, we've decided that we can't possibly do any worse. Mrs. Sam and I are diametrically opposed on most issues. She's an old school liberal while I'm an idealist constitutional conservative. No matter since we agree on the big issues like declaring Bic the official hair removal tool of America and outlawing scrapbooking socials. That's right scrapbooking prohibition where you'll have to set up illegal "speak-easy" craft dens to engage in illicit paper cutting activities. We've found moderate ground on other less important National items.
As of yet we haven't decided on our campaign slogan but we've narrowed it down to "Two Bushes Are Better Than One", or "Isn't It About Time To Have A REAL Bush As President"? Classy, I know. The best part is that we don't have to use precious fundraising money to create a campaign song. I've found the perfect ditty that contains both of our names in it. How unusual is that? Like it was pre-ordained for our personal exploitive use. It's "Doin Da Butt" by E.U. The beauty of it is that it's already passed Presidential muster because George Bush's wayward daughter, Jenna, has been seen dancing around on all fours, shaking her booty to this raucous song at a club. I included the lyrics so you can guess what our names are when E.U. starts shouting out such brilliance as,"Sonja got a big ole butt. Oh Yeah.".
This is a pivotal time in history. A time when every decision is crucial to the sovereignty and ultimately the survival of our great country. Can Mrs. Sam and I count on your support to make our dreams of leadership and serving you, the U.S citizen, (or possibly a wealthy Middle Eastern oil tycoon family), a reality? Just write to us with the things you want promised to you if we're elected and include a crisp twenty dollar bill with all correspondence to: The Smiling Infidel P.O. Box 911 Crackertopia, U.S.A
God Bless America!