Thursday, May 25, 2006

I'm Relinquishing My Children's Spiritual Guidance To Talking Vegetables


I may have irreparably damaged my children. Listening to the radio call in advice show of Dr. Laura Schlesinger has become a guilty pleasure that we all indulge in. Even my kids love listening, with a hand in occasional censorship from me, of course. Perhaps because it feeds into the,"HOT DOG! We're not as messed up as those poor unfortunate souls", syndrome. We curtailed TV time altogether, so we have to get our fix from something other than trashy daytime talk shows.

The above character depiction is that of Laura from our favorite cartoon series featuring Gospel oriented vegetables. Evil vegetarians, slaughtering and eating these helpful, preachy creatures en masse. And they say meat is murder? Anyway, we have a Laura doll which my kids call Dr. Laura. They sometimes pick up the doll to seek the answers to such thought provoking eternal questions as, "Is it wrong to sit on my sister and fart"? To which they pretend as though "Dr.Laura" is speaking to them. If they're dissatisfied with the response they shake the poor thing and tell it, "Bad. Bad Dr. Laura. It's the swirlie treatment for you". Then they dangle her precariously close to the toilet bowl. As their Mother, I should curb this deviant behavior immediately, and I would too, if only I wasn't laughing so hard.........

11 comments:

Radioactive Jam said...

If Dr. Laura has a problem with her treatment I'm sure she / it has enough self-assurance to complain. If not, let 'er rip!

omar said...

Out of curiosity, what did Dr. Laura say to the farting question? And what if someone were to ask her that same question, except substituting "wife" for "sister"?

White Man Retarded said...

Hey, ewl. I posted pictures of the symphony on my spot. lol.

Gia said...

Giving Dr Laura the swirlie treatment... I can totally see that. lol
;P

Radioactive Jam said...

The more I think about this - yes, the total time can still be measured in milliseconds - I'm not sure how P.E.R.V.s would react to this. I mean, Dr. Laura isn't exactly a *real* vegetable so probably you're okay. But still.

Mostly though I just didn't want to waste a *fine* WV string:
gooal!!!!!

Moi said...

Wow. They're doing play therapy already eh? I hear it's better to start early ;)

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Dr.Laura thinks that only an uncouth pig would fart on beloved family members. incidentally, that would render us an entire 8 person group of uncouth pigs. My kids regard the swirlie treatment as a method in making her, "lighten up".

I notice that elizabeth hasn't weighed in. Perhaps she's worried that someone will swirlie HER, if she gives out unappreciated advice.

Elizabeth-W said...

Listen here miss smart pants. I did weigh in right after PH, and for some reason it didn't post.
I have never listened to Dr. Laura. My mom does, and says she is pretty curt. My guess is that if you're going to be on radio you've got to have some gimmick, and hers is to be incredibly black/white or all-or-nothing. For once in my life, I have no opinion, other than that I like to listen to veggie tales. I think that pooting on people is rude, and when my brother did it to me I pinned him down face first on the carpet and rubbed his braces into the carpet so he'd get carpet fuzz in his metal works.

Lianne said...

I don't know if I want a Dr. Laura doll... I have a feeling it would just tell me to eat kosher and to be nicer to my kids. And who really needs that kind of advice.

I think I'd rather have a Dr. Phil doll. "Well, ya'll you need to think if a pig can spit and that'll learn ya."

see, now that is advice I can really sink my teeth into.

Miss Biotech said...

I never took to Dr. Laura's wise advices. She is too arrogant for me. So, I say, let them have their Dr. Laura doll. I am sure she can swim if need be, there is enough air in her advice ;-D

elasticwaistbandlady said...

I bristle sometimes at the way she chastises people. On those days, I think, yeah, she's so full of crap, the toilet is an excellent place for her. I have to admit though, that I agree with her stance and opinion about 80 percent of the time. Especially her concern about the well being of children. Like all things, I listen and extrapolate the useful ideas and disregard the rest.