Tuesday, May 30, 2006

My Stool Sample Is Better Than Yours

I'd like to introduce you to a valued member of the Smiling Infidel family never before pictured or profiled. We've lovingly dubbed him, "Tex", and he's the best "foot" stool to park a rump on ever made.

I inherited Tex back in my teenage years from a friend who got it from another friend that made it as an art project in school. All three of our Moms protested and declared, "EEEWWWW, what is that? Get that hideous thing out of here". Apparently suburban Mothers don't appreciate the fine artistic quality of a stool masterpiece crafted to look like disembodied legs and feet. I, however, coveted Tex, and refused to throw him out as my Mom demanded. My husband, Papi, hated Tex too, and also tried to evict him during the first year of our marriage. I think Papi felt insecure about me sitting on something named Tex.

We've weathered seventeen years together and his sturdy construction has never faltered in any way. My toddlers use it as a means of reaching the sink in our bathroom. Guests have been known to actually fight over who gets to perch regally atop Tex. This would include missionaries too. See, even God fearing men love Tex, and they're not ashamed to squabble over him. Just last week Papi performed a balancing act involving Tex rarely seen outside the circus. Too lazy to get the ladder from the garage to change the air filter in the ceiling, Papi balanced Tex on top of a chair, and then forced me to hold it steady. Good old Tex, he didn't waver for a moment and supported Papi's weight.

If any of you want to venture to Texas for an amazing photo opportunity with Tex, just let me know, and I'll schedule you in. Tex will even personally stamp the picture with his own foot. Act now, and you'll be granted five whole minutes to sit on Tex for free. How sweet is that?


Radioactive Jam said...

Words cannot describe the extent of my envy.

omar said...

Tex kind of puts my stool sample to shame.

Though I don't expect to be in the greater Texas area anytime soon, if Tex ever tours in the northeast, I will SHO-NUFF be at one of his stops.

Moi said...

I can only imagine how his shoes smell if he's been wearing them that long.

Julie said...

Turn your head and cough, Mr. Tex. I just need to get a stool sample.

Lianne said...

OK. Tex is a little creepy... but perhaps that is what I like about him. I want one...

elasticwaistbandlady said...

I got something you don't have, neener, neener, neener......

Omar, don't you know that stool samples are always bigger in Texas? Tex won't be touring the NorthEast anytime soon as he's deathly frightened of Yankees.

carrot, he smells fresh and clean thanks to the spritz of Febreze we give him every once in awhile. He also enjoys the occasional spit shoe shine.

Funny you should say that Julie because he does indeed feature a pen drawn hole on the underside of the stool part. I suspect that was put there by his creator.

As soon as cloning technology is up to snuff lianne, I shall send you an exact duplicate to Utah.

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