Friday, May 05, 2006
VIVA LOS INFIDELES!
Bienvenidos a mi blog! Today is Cinco De Mayo or as us antiquated Americans who haven't quite accepted the illegal invasion yet like to call it, THE FIFTH OF MAY. Listen up all you little gringos and gringas the time has come to assimilate to the Spanish culture because heaven forbid we require them to make any sort of sacrifice or learn English when they come to our great country. No, we must acquiesce to them instead. So, without further ado I, The Smiling Infidel, will be your Latino cultural/language instructor today. Don't worry if you don't pass my class maybe the wave of illegals will permit you to stay in their Estados Unidos anyway.
First lesson is that there are many different ways to say butt in Spanish. My favorite is cola because it gives asking for some cola as in soda a whole new meaning. Some dialects use the word culo instead though. Another is nalgas. Repitan clase, por favor, naaaaalllllgaaasss. Muy bien mis estudiantes! Trasero is the more refined term for the posterior area, useful knowledge if ever you are at a fine dining establishment and you need to tell the Spanish speaking lady next to you that her dress is tucked into her pantyhose thus exposing her bare nalgas or trasera.
Ya'all are doing great. Now it's time for our culture lesson of the day. While at the grocery store a few years ago my husband innocently asked me if he should purchase some sombreritos. Naturally, I didn't have a clue what that meant so I asked him. Apparently that was his veiled way of inquiring if we should buy a box of prophylactics. I started laughing and asked him why he disguised the name of it to sombreritos. Papi told me that it means "little hat" in Spanish and after all where do you put a little hat? Why, on your head of course! That's become a long running gag (literally) between us.
If you're going to imbibe, do it responsibly. Choose American brand cerveza and tequilas. Do you know how many American worms had their jobs wrested away by Mexican gusanos last year? The figures are heart wrenching.
The lecion manana will include learning your new National anthem, Nuestro Himno. Remember to bring your book, 'The Oppression Of Stupid Gringos', to class with you.