Thursday, June 22, 2006

I'm Laughing On The Outside

And crying like a baby on the inside.

Broad Smile Of The Day: (Courtesy of Beach Boy daughter and singer, Carnie Wilson)

"I like, struggle everyday with my weight, because morbid obesity is a disease that I will always have".

Lucky for you, Carnie, that a cure for your "disease" has already been discovered. It's a regimented and prolonged treatment, but it's also highly successful. Put your fork down. As one fat chick to another, I know that when I take my daily dose of the cure, good things do happen and it combats my "disease".

Curled Lip Moment Of The Day: Former superstars, E.L.O, licensing their massive hit, "Evil Woman", to no-talent strippers, The Pussycat Dolls.

I seriously about swallowed my tongue when I heard their new song, "BLEEP". Not only is it nasty and insipid (typical Pussycat Doll material), but they sample, "Evil Woman".

I used to hold you in the highest regard E.L.O. I even forgave you for the horrifying "Xanadu" debacle. (Providing a soundtrack for a movie about muses on roller skates. Really?) You've pushed my patience too far with this one, though, E.L.O. I may have to use my E.L.O's greatest hits CD as a coaster now.

8 comments:

Lianne said...

As one fat lady to another... remind me why I signed up for these genes? Oh yeah, cause my ancestors crossed the plains and DIDN'T starve to death. Yeah, that's the ticket.

One sec while I finish up my breakfast donut.

jams o donnell said...

ELO? the prosecution may also present the Diary of Horace Wimp as a material witness!

wendela said...

Dang, my body's hanging on to every bit as if it's the last food it'll ever see. I'm glad it's so efficient at refusing to let me starve, but I kinda wish I'd taken a few genes from the "graceful, lithe" family instead of 99 percent "hardy peasant stock".

ELO? Xanadu? Pussycat Dolls? There's nothing to say, other than I need that coaster.

wendysue said...

Hey how about those pussycat dolls barbies they're making? Great role models eh? Excuse me while I p. .u. ..k. . e

elasticwaistbandlady said...

They appreciate women like us a lot more over in Africa, lianne. Being portly signifies health and robustness. Our neighbor has a daughter the same age and weight as me, who's married to an African man that told her that if she ever lost weight he might have to divorce her. Doughnuts are all a part of the very healthy "Golden Ring Diet",where you can eat anything that has a hole in the center and shed pounds.

Jams, This blog only focuses on the positive and uplifting things that life has to offer; ignoring the negative. As such, that song makes me close my eyes, stick my fingers in my ear and scream, "TRA LA LA LA", so I don't have to actually hear it. It's not included on the Greatest Hits CD, mercifully.

My youngest Brother inherited the fast metabolism, the middle brother received gorgeous red hair and blue eyes, and I got the overactive salivary glands and excessive body hair. Genetics can be so cruel. Admittedly, I've been humming Olivia Newton John's, "Xanadu", all day long. I cover the CD in acrylic to make them last longer. Are you also interested in a Dixie Chicks coaster?

wendysue, That was in very poor taste. A Father's group organized a protest though and they did pull it from being released. Small victories. Now, if we could just get together and ban Bratz, the World will be a better place.

White Man Retarded said...

ELO rocks. Don't knock ELO. So many bands rip them off. And I'm being serious. Mr. Blue Sky? The whole song changes direction right in the middle. Good, uplifting space-out music. ELO rocks.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Patrick! It's so nice to see you back in top argumentative form. How I've missed you.

I like ELO. That's why I feel bitterly disappointed in their lack of discernment on licensing their classic hits. What's next? Carrot Top sings Telephone Line for those 1-800-dial-ATT commercials?

Pablo said...

Hey, I liked the Xanadu soundtrack! Sure the movie sucked but the music was good...for that time.