Friday, August 18, 2006

The Edited Children's Version Of "Snakes On A Plane"

Featuring everyone's favorite plastic celebrities outside of Hollywood, The Little People!

Here's the script outline:

The ill fated journey of the Little People begins as they board the special Little People "short" plane bound for the World renowned Chicago Zoo for a special seminar on, "Differentiating Feces In The Animal World". While en route, a cargo of dangerous plastic snakes wiggle out of their crates and havoc and chaos ensues.

True to action/horror movie stereotypes, we implausibly find our little friend, Omar, taking the helm of the plane instead of the Captain seated behind him. Why, you may ask? Because everyone knows that regardless the situation, minorities get axed first in these films. People engaging in any sort of amorous tryst are usually next up on the chopping block. We had to delete those steamy "Mile High Club" scenes between the two clowns to qualify as child friendly. We're still cleaning up the walls from smeared white face paint and vacuuming up little curly orange hairs (hopefully from their clown wigs. EEEK!) out of the plane's lavatory.

Every child's movie has to include a moral of the story. The Little People learn that while real, live, cold-blooded reptiles, pose an imminent threat to real, live, warm-blooded people, plastic persons are the preferred prey of plastic snakes. Thus, teaching the kids that everything on Earth likely has a predator looking to destroy them. So, might as well face adversity with a maddening plastered on smile that never fades, just like the characters in our little tale. Life simply isn't all sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows everything children. Let's just say that there's going to be some vacancies in Little People Town. Immediate occupancy available.

10 comments:

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

OK, I'm trying to picture how Little People could possibly accomplish an amorous tryst, let alone become members of the Mile High Club.

And now I'm picturing cleaning up the lavatory...

.... and now I need therapy.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Millie, In compliance with "The Headless, Naked Barbie Toy Abuse Prevention Act of 2001", Section 108, I am hereby prohibited from ever again staging any real life dramas involving Little People because of my sick and twisted mind.

omar said...

My household has 50 of those people, and yet I see 5 in that photo that we don't have. Must go buy more people. (Little people, that is. They stopped letting me buy real people back in 1865.)

And though I was the sacrificial minority, I'm glad I got a chance to fly the plane.

Mimo said...

Ahem... I got turned around somewhere... Must have taken the wrong flight.

This stuff cracked me up! YOU EWL are so funny! My brother called me on the phone the other day... he's Hank Gummy, and after hollering at me for closing my blog he commented on how funny he found you :)

jams o donnell said...

Superb stuff! I await your Little People child friendly remakes of Pulp Fiction, War and Peace and the Wild Bunch!!!!

mullet said...

you could get a deal for this stuff

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Omar, you always make me laugh! We seriously named our Little People guy, Omar, in your honor. What you see in the picture is just a pittance of our vast Little People collection. We have so many Little People hanging about that we could stage a Wizard Of Oz revival right in our very own home. Of course, I'd play the cowardly lion, because I'm the hairiest.

MIMO!!!! Hank Gummy is your kinfolk? I like him more than a fried possum sandwich with mayo.

jams, Little People have a contract obligating them to only perform in really crappy disaster films. We're still waiting for Bruce Willis to get back to us with his latest project.

mullet, are you offering? SOLD, to the highest bidder on the left with the nice haircut! Although, shipping will probably cost more than the actual value. They're also American Little People, and I'm not sure how they'd fare in Europe. They tend to be a bit provincial and crass!

mullet said...

The bounced cheque is in the post...they would have to learn the cold hard facts of british life like i did...not that prim, not that proper & very rude!

tom said...

I love little people

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Tom? Little People are no different from you or me, and I think they prefer to be call "vertically challenged" people nowadays. :)