Friday, September 29, 2006

I Hate It When......

A movie or T.V. show features an amorous couple who inevitably enjoy a big gratuitous love scene, and then when it's all over, they either sickeningly canoodle (that's THE worst word ever created), or they just lay there under the covers smirking and carrying on a conversation. I don't struggle with Obsessive/Compulsive Disorder by any means, but I find this to be completely unrealistic behavior, and it tops the "Things That Make My Lip Curl" list.

The unfailingly practical part of me wants to scream out, "Ewwwww! What are you thinking, lady? You already have a buttload of laundry stacked up next to the washing machine, do you really want to add a bunch of squishy bed sheets to the pile?" Another voice in my head reasons, "Don't you want to get up and take a shower to wash away that 'not fresh' feeling? You're really going to sleep all night in a puddle? How come you're still talking and giggling? Aren't you tired yet? Don't you have to get up for work in the morning or for a big PTO meeting, or something?"

Okay, tell the truth, am I the only neurotically plagued blogger here or does this bother ya'all too?

22 comments:

Mimo said...

I'm sure it will now.

jams o donnell said...

Hmm canoodle.. is that a mix of canneloni and noodle? Two pasta types that do NOT go well I am sure...

But elasticwaistbandlady true loves means that Cupid takes care of those dubious stains on ones smalls and the stinky sock.. and as for the the puddle, surely a new man would do the Watler Raleigh thing and sleep on the wet patch?

As for the giggling and small talk afterwards I say there is something wrong there too but I will digress!

No Cool Story said...

Great, I didn’t need that picture in my innocent little Mexi brain.

Can-oodle, sounds kinda like spaguettios. I have never used that word in my whole life.
"Things That Make My Lip Curl": when the bad guy explains his eeevil plan before killing the good guy (idiot), cliché-o-rama, drives me nuts.

on.the.run said...

I'm thinking "that's gonna be one mean bacterial infection!" The long list of other chores is a whole other matter.

scrapbookingmomma said...

I never really thought of it that way before. I used to always just be upset that people actually had time to be alone without the kids running in or wanting tucked in for the 5th time, or wantinga drink, or having to wait for the aby to go to sleep because you share a room with her....

Elizabeth-W said...

I haven't noticed it on tv or in movies, but like Mimo, I will now. But as far as my personal life goes, I am totally on the same page. To be totalllly graphic, there is some sort of contest that goes on at my house (post-action) to try to work the puddle onto the opposite side of one's bed. And if you say you've not tried to do the exact same thing, I think you're a liar ;)
I'm very big on post showers, and more importantly, urinations. After a raging UTI post-honeymoon, I learned my lesson! So I guess that is what I notice in the movies, now that I think about it. So what I want to know is, do you have any shows you'd recommend that has this sort of action ;)

Angela M said...

I really like this blog. Lotsa fun!

Demosthenes said...

Perhaps she's just good at making sure the puddle never makes it on the sheets, you know?

But really, I understand. And sympathize. And "canoodle" is an awful word. As is "ya'all".

jedimacfan said...

When I make a movie with Keira Knightley, I'm never going to let her out of the bed.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

mimo-It's my job as a blog commentator to point out the obnoxious while also being obnoxious.

jams- Chivalry died with Walter Raleigh, jams. Do you think that post coital puddles are the reason for referring to those items which dare not be spoken on a family blog as, "raincoats?" (Yes, I did type out post coital. Yes, I did giggle as I did so in a very immature fashion)

NCS- I loved how they pointed that out in The Incredibles when Syndrome says, "I can't believe it. You got me monologuing, you sly devil you." Canoodle came from the same mental giants that brought us "Tomkat" and "Brangelina."

on the run- The mention of bacteria made me want to spray my bed down with Lysol. Thanks. :)

scrappingmomma- I know, you never see T.V or movie couples sneaking off to the closet or garage because they have ornery, noisy kids out the wazoo. Hmmmm, maybe that was a little bit too personally revealing.

elizabeth-Thanks for the stunning mental imagery! :)

angela m.!- Welcome, welcome, welcome. I can't quote scripture, I only know a couple hymns by heart, and I don't wear pantyhose to church. Can we still be friends though?

Listen dem, as a born again Texan, I reserve every right to co-opt their drawls and Southern Charm culture and make it my own. Ya come back now! Ya hear?

jedi- Well, after all, the girl can "Bend It Like Beckham." I bet that's a position you've never tried.

wendela said...

You're not the only one to notice things like that on tv/movies. :) I always think of the possibility of UTIs, too (as elizabeth mentioned). By the way, why don't those scripts ever have a guy who instantly falls asleep??

christo said...

I like "canoodle". It's like noodles with cannons! LOL! (I'm not much of a LOL! fan but it felt appropriate)

All right, lame joke aside, I think in the movies the couple does it, talk about it nonchalantly to show that, hey we're adults and we had good sex so let's talk about Life. It makes for good cinema I guess.

mullet said...

after 7 years, i'm not so bothered about the post coital canoodling - i like my sleep too! Wet patches...they sell disposable sheets for that now (so i've been told)
Things that make my lip curl...that the make-up is still perfectly on after the wild thing!

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

Three words:

GROSS ON TOAST.

Lianne said...

Are you trying to win the totally grossed out Blog God Award? I know you, ELW, and you are totally trying to skew the results.

P.S. I am totally nominating you.

emma jo said...

I personally like in movies when people wake up in the morning and start making out. There is no way we even face each other in the morning without a toothbrush or at least a swish of Listerine (which I can't stand the smell of, by the way.)

Julie said...

Two words for you: TOWEL and TISSUE. Never play without them. Best advice I ever got as a bride-to-be. And always pee afterwards.

And yes, scenes like that bug me too. UTI's suck.

jams o donnell said...

On the other hand, where would the magic of movies be if the romantic leads looked like something the cat dragged in of a morning.... Surely in LA LA land their hair is always perfect and their breath always minty fresh.. oh and they never, ever fart (except in Blazing Saddles of course!.

And another thing, where would films have been in the 50s if the girl didn't twist her ankle fleeing the baddie?

elasticwaistbandlady said...

wendela- Right On! The female doesn't ever roll over and pass out either. I thought reality TV would change all this unrealistic Hollywood stuff.

christo- As much as I enjoy Life cereal, I NEVER once have talked about after a moment of love.

mullet-Disposable sheets is much preferable to edible sheets. Whoever thought up edible undies was either a genius, or a fool. Or maybe just really, really hungry.

millie- Three words:THANK YOU KINDLY. :)

lianne- I'm not above lowering my blog standards for the prospect of winning a coveted Blog God award.

emma jo- The beautiful people never have to worry about simple chronic halitosis and being offensive because in most movies and TV shows whoever they wake up next to likely won't be the same person they go to bed with at the end of the day.

pottymouth-It's time for us to join creative forces and write "REAL LIFE" scenario romance novels. You know, where the husband has a pot belly and the wife is stretch marked, and the kids are banging on the door the whole time demanding to know what they're doing.

jams- Blazing Saddles is THE best movie of all time! Making love is natural, and so is farting. Why not combine the two? Oh, and my favorite is girls fleeing the bad guy and....
1.Their car won't start even though it's practically brand new.
2. They decide to hide in the closet. Bad move.
3. They think he's dead and they stand over the body only to have him grab their ankle and take them down.
4. They keep turning around to look behind them, thus slowing down their escape.
5. No matter how fast they run, and how slow the villain is, they will always get captured.
6. Prim girls and bitchy girls get axed first. The slutty types are always saved for the final massacre.

SalGal said...

Where were y'all when I was on my honeymoon?? NOBODY told me about the peeing after. My UT suffered dearly for it. 7 in the first 5 months of marriage!

But I digress... (have I stolen the gross-out award yet?)

Canoodle is annoying. Ew.

jams o donnell said...

The stretch marked wife ewbl? Doubtless to be played by Callista Flockhart!

elasticwaistbandlady said...

salgal-KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!

jams- Only if Calista has a twin because it would take at least TWO of her to make ONE of me!