Sunday, October 01, 2006

What Did You Say??!!!???

My son Buster just turned 9 years old last week. Unfortunately, he suffers from an ailment that directly descended from the genetics of his Great-Grandma Dee. Buster seems to misunderstand and confuse things with alarming frequency. The problem is that it manifests in his mind as the gospel truth, and he's not easily swayed to the contrary. Sometimes, it does make for a good laugh though.

We went bowling this summer and all Buster could talk about was how much he loved "juiceboxes." I mean, who doesn't enjoy the delightfulness of artificial flavors and preservatives and colors crammed in a box for your drinking pleasure? Buster kept saying that he wanted to put money in the juicebox and then listen to it. I thought, well, ummmm, okay, perhaps the kid is planning to utilize it as a makeshift piggy bank and wants to hear the coins tinkle around inside it. It wasn't until he excitedly scurried over to the JUKEBOX in the corner and asked me if he could have some money to play a Backstreet Boys song that I figured out what he meant. It meant that he both confused "juicebox" for "jukebox", and that he has really crappy taste in music.

Granted, we do live in Texas, self proclaimed Tex Mex restaurant capitol of the world, but Buster even got confused with that, referring to cell phone "text messages" as "TEX MEXages".

The latest in his ever expanding doofy repertoire happened last night. I checked out a Cirque Du Soleil DVD from the library because heaven knows we could never possibly afford 8 tickets to such a grandiose performance. It's the circus where humans perform, not animals, and it completely mesmerized my kids. Confident that this was something they could watch unattended, I turned my attention back to my book reading. Then I heard Buster spitting with built up fervor as he shouted out, "That man is walking on crotches! Look at him walk on those crotches." Immediately, my internal Mommy mode switched into high gear and I snapped to attention. The screen showed only a man dressed as an injured insect hobbling across the stage on CRUTCHES. So, I shook my head and resumed my reading. Then, Buster sputtered out again, "Look, he DANCES WITH CROTCHES!" That struck a nerve and all my girls that understood his error couldn't stifle the rolling fits of giggles that followed. Poor Buster, he just kept shrugging his shoulders and saying, "What? What's so funny?"

My son just single handedly came up with the plot and title for the long awaited sequel to Kevin Costner's classic, "Dances With Wolves." Royalty checks may be made out to THE SMILING INFIDEL, ok' Kev?


emma jo said...

aah, Cirque de Soleil...Clark and I have been mesmorized many a times by these shows on Discovery...ask us how many times we think, "Oh come on, we can do that"...and we actually get up off our cans and try...and then we fall and have tremendous respect for them.

No Cool Story said...

"What? What's so funny?"
How many times a day are these questions asked at your house?.
You guys should take your act on the road, in your green van, I'd go see your performance, rather than Cirque's, since I find them freaky (yeah, I'm just weird like that).

OT, I saw Kandoo in the coupon section today. I had never in my whole life noticed it, until now; thanks Elastic for the visions of the magic frog, the hair, art, matzo man, the after-romance puddle, and the rest of all your adventures I haven't read yet.
Tex-Mex Power...

Rich said...

LOVE CHILDREN!!! Arn't they priceless!
Hope you didn't hold my 'rant' on my blog against me! (I have heavily revised it since I have calmed down!) I Heart Royksopp BIG TIME also!

elasticwaistbandlady said...

emma, My kids informed me that I will always be on the bottom of the human pyramid holding everyone up because nobody could possibly flip me through the air. How I love my kids.....

NCS- I won't rest until I pollute every last one of you with my lexicon, ideology, and weird butt wiping frog references.

rich- No, these aren't LOVE CHILDREN. They were born in the bonds of holy (moley!) matrimony. Your name reminds me of that LFO song. "When I met you I said my name was RICH, you looked like a girl from Abercrombie and Fitch!" Maybe in your case, a guy from A&F would be more preferable though. :) There's nothing finer than techno from Norway. We love Eple and What Else Is There? the most. said...

One of my favorite things about having children is the crazy things they say.

The other day Oli informed me that he didn't want to be a Power Ranger for Halloween because people would be like "Hey! Look, it's a Power Ranger." and he wants them to be like "OOOOOOOOHHHHH! It's a skeleton!"

Lianne said...

I have decided that your family may just possibly be weirder than mine. Maybe. A little.

I loved this post, as I do with all of yours.

Julie said...! You've made me laugh OUT LOUD twice in a row!

The other day, my 34-year-old brother finally figured out why our older brothers used to laugh every time he referred to "itchy bomb" trees. Are they itchy "bombs" or itchy "balls?" Gosh, Klay, it took you long enough.

jams o donnell said...

and thee was I thinking dances with crotches was the Lambada! I used to do that all the time even as an adult.. I used to read misled as myzled!

jedimacfan said...

Don't even try to explain Old Fish and Lemonade to him. It'll only confuse him more.

christo said...

Even adults say the darndest things. Like me for instance, I like to say things that even children would find offensive and will run to mummy.

I shouldn't have said that.


Elizabeth-W said...

You've got to save all this stuff to make a coffee table book--or at least send these in to Reader's Digest or Parents mag or something in which you'll be sent a little cash.

Radioactive Jam said...

I was okay until I saw "long awaited sequel" applied to Dances With Wolves. Don't get me wrong, I liked the movie and all but seriously - sequel? No way; they killed Cisco, remember?

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Count youself lucky, on the run, my oldest child wants to dress up as GARY NUMAN for Halloween. Instead of eliciting OOOOHHH, it's Gary Numan responses, it'll be more like EWWWWWW, it's Gary Numan.

Life is a competition, lianne, glad that we're beating you in the oddball category. WOOT!

Julie- Laughter is the best medicine, but crotch related comedy is a cure all!

Oh jams, you and that forbidden dance of love!

Jedi- He thinks Old Fish And Lemonade means the day old platter special down at the Krusty Krab.

christo- LOL(I'm not a fan of LOL, it just felt appropriate here though)@the word "darn" Butch up young man, I shall allow you permission to use the word DAMN henceforth upon my blog.

elizabeth- I'm a non-profit organization. I think that, at least, everytime I see my bank statement. Yeah, definitely non-profit.

RAJ- Kevin's made a distinct fall from grace since the release of the first movie too, when it was revealed what a promiscuous little scoundrel he is. Dances With Crotches will be his publicity ploy "secret sex tape" to get his career back on track. Hey, if Screech can do it and garner newfound attention..........ewwww SCREECH!

jams o donnell said...

Hmm My last comment came out all wrong.. I meant to say I mispronouce words all the time, honest... Me doing the lambada would be a crime against... err everything!

elasticwaistbandlady said...

You know, jams, you can fool yourself but you can't fool us, you little Lambada Lothario you!

Anonymous said...

First off, you are an idiot. The knights and their horses. Neither horse in that picture is Thor. Those outfits on the horses would never fit him. As for sneeking a picture, thats ok, nobody minds. As for the $10 a buy his hay and grain and feed him. Thats one bale of hay a day $8, and 20lbs of grain a day $5...$13 a day to feed him, thats $390 a month just to feed him...and there are 3 of these horses at that place.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

I love it when random people are too cowardly to state their name and then anonymously engage in name calling of others.

First off, you're in the wrong blog post. Anybody reading this one won't even understand what the hell you're talking about. Try scrolling up to the proper entry. Second of all, yeah, the place was disappointing considering all the pamphlet hoopla made over it. What do you want, for me to lie and write a glowing review of a tourist trap for your personal satisfaction? Third of all, the blue horse WAS presented to the audience as Thor. He WAS the one standing for 10 dollar pictures. He WAS the one next to the female knight. Can I help it if you guys are perpetrating fraud by calling the horse THOR, the tallest living horse, if it wasn't?

Most of all, a little less talk and a lot more action would have gone a long way in the presentation. We were melting into puddles from the intense heat while the speaker droned on and repeated himself ad nauseum. We could only stand about 10 minutes of it before wanting to go all "medieval" on him. A clap to the ears would have been a far preferable experience. You don't like other peoples opinions? Go move to Cuba, China, Venezuela, it's really your choice, my friend.