Friday, September 01, 2006

I'll One Up Your One-Upper

Because I'm the undisputed Queen of One-Upmanship. Yeah!
Not to be outdone by blogger feiend Radioactive Jam's latest pathetic attempt to make a monkey out of me, I just upped the monkey ante in our high stakes monkey showdown. This time, it's personal.........

This is Infidel daughter number #2, nicknamed, "Monkey" at one year of age due to her goofy personality, incredibly long ape-like limbs, and a frustrating penchant for fearlessly scaling the kitchen counters and then jumping off them. No, you animal, we don't call her Monkey because of her flea pickin grooming habits, nor does she engage in throwing her poop at anyone. She's a perfectly lovely and civilized Monkey, she is, whose main diet staples consist of bananas, banana pudding, and banana bread.

So, what you see here is a living, breathing "googly-eyed" Monkey wrapped inside another monkey while holding a miniature pet monkey and thinking about monkeys as she stands there in her monkey socks. Hah! Beat that! You can't, because I'm the Queen of this here Banana Republic. (20% off all khakis. This week only.) Just crown me with the Bubbles approved hairball tiara already.

17 comments:

omar said...

I took a quick poll, and she does, in fact, beat RaJ's girl socks.

Radioactive Jam said...

I gladly concede de feet, and not just because you slipped-up and referred to me as a young man. :-)
*waves hello to Monkey*

the flying monkeys said...

what a cute little beauty queen! I think my eyes are playing tricks on me. How lucky can one get, having such beautiful children: Melody and Monkey. Do you love M&M's? This is really sweet. Elastic you are a Queen.

mullet said...

ok - my little mullet would definitely qualify for the best living M&M....at least your little one takes the healthy approach!

Mimo said...

I am just in awe at the lengths you go to win. Remind me never to go toe to toe with you!

jams o donnell said...

Ach I really had hoped for Monkey Blog Wars!

Elizabeth-W said...

If I read in the Houston Chronicle that a lady was arrested for trying to get herself into the simian backstage I'll know who got herself in trouble trying to get a picture of herself kissing a macaque!

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Omar, of course she does. Would you expect anything less from Infidel spawn. We always reign victorious, even without threatening to cut off peoples heads.

Say Raj, You conceded way faster than I expected. By any chance, are you French?

Thank you monkey for the compliment about my monkey. Yes, We're poor in money, but rich in monkey. Six to be exact.

Fear me mimo!

jams, When you gonna emulate RAJ and buy some girly monkey socks too? A three way would make this more interesting. Ummm, just interpret that sentence to be in the clean sense.

elizabeth- Just trying to get me some monkey mojo. Is that so wrong?

jams o donnell said...

I draw the line at socks, but I will contrive to put up a monkey related post in the next day or two.. I know I will see if there is any footage of Nina Conti on youtube.. she does a ventriloquist act with a monkey puppet.

Moi said...

I think you win. Nobody should ever mess with Elastic. She'll snap you into place.

Radioactive Jam said...

Normally I wouldn't go all "French" in a conflict like this but since you decided to employ a human shield - and a child, no less - an immediate end seemed best.
*taunt, taunt*

elasticwaistbandlady said...

I didn't use Monkey as a human shield. This is a paid gig for her, RAJ. Payment made in full with a few slices of banana bread!

Radioactive Jam said...

Hang on. Nobody mentioned the involvement of banana bread here. Are you saying there was banana bread to be had and I missed it?!

Syar said...

mmm...banana bread. monkey's adorable. all three layers of her monkey-ness.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

That's right people, banana bread, and I brought some to share with everybody!

Banana Bread Used As Infidel Currency

Just don't ask what the current exchange rate is, because I get confused. The Japanese Yen is up, so I guess that means more bread for everybody. The Peso, though, is down, so no cerveza to wash back your bread with. Lo siento. :(

the flying monkeys said...

Banana bread...thanks and oh I think your monkey is really "tutu"

Anonymous said...

Hi there,
Great bit there about some banana bread or something. I found your site by typing "banana monkey freak show" in google. Thats cool.
Ciao