Today is the day that I barricade myself and my family into the house for our own protection. I make sure that the Twinkie supply is plentiful, and the toilet paper cabinet well stocked because I refuse to leave the safety of my home for any reason. Yes, its the day that ordinarily genteel persons turn into a pushing, grunting, ruthless horde and I don't have the killer instincts to compete with them.
Black Friday. The words that strike fear and dread into my heart after one particular experience a few years ago after which I swore that I would never again be the early bird that tries to get the worm amidst the shopping-crazed crowds. My sis-in-law and I bravely soldiered out to Toys R Us an hour before they opened on Black Friday to take advantage of some of their ad specials. What we found was an unruly mass of humanity representing every walk of life. Mostly, though, the crowd seemed comprised of a sea of mullet-headed people carrying their babies clad in nothing but a diaper. Yes, those kind of people that would bring a baby out in November without any clothes on. Well, the inbred redneck DNA apparently beats the crap out of my Germanic ancestry. Sure, we may have enjoyed a barbaric reputation of looting and pillaging, but we got nothing on Confederate flag-muscle shirt wearin, meshy-trucker cap sportin, Journey mullet-haired folks. Git R Done!
The checkout lines blurred together and when the manager tried to separate it to bring some order to the chaos, The Mullet Pack rebelled. Pushing, shouting, and hair pulling ensued. My sis-in-law and I narrowly escaped, our arms wrapped firmly around our prized Lego and Dancing Elmo loot as we scurried for the car.
Last year, Houston news showed video footage of a woman knocked down at Wal-Mart when the doors opened for business in the wee morning hours. Did someone stop and kindly help this felled lady up? NO! They pushed carts OVER her large carcass that laid there spread-eagle on the floor.
By the time you read this, the day known as Black Friday should be nearing a close. Tell me, are you of the adrenaline fueled hardy stock that can withstand throngs of avaricious people? Do you avoid Black Friday like the plague? What special deal does it take to entice you out to a store? What did you buy today? What's the very best Black Friday horror story that you've lived to tell the tale of?