Today is the day that I barricade myself and my family into the house for our own protection. I make sure that the Twinkie supply is plentiful, and the toilet paper cabinet well stocked because I refuse to leave the safety of my home for any reason. Yes, its the day that ordinarily genteel persons turn into a pushing, grunting, ruthless horde and I don't have the killer instincts to compete with them.
Black Friday. The words that strike fear and dread into my heart after one particular experience a few years ago after which I swore that I would never again be the early bird that tries to get the worm amidst the shopping-crazed crowds. My sis-in-law and I bravely soldiered out to Toys R Us an hour before they opened on Black Friday to take advantage of some of their ad specials. What we found was an unruly mass of humanity representing every walk of life. Mostly, though, the crowd seemed comprised of a sea of mullet-headed people carrying their babies clad in nothing but a diaper. Yes, those kind of people that would bring a baby out in November without any clothes on. Well, the inbred redneck DNA apparently beats the crap out of my Germanic ancestry. Sure, we may have enjoyed a barbaric reputation of looting and pillaging, but we got nothing on Confederate flag-muscle shirt wearin, meshy-trucker cap sportin, Journey mullet-haired folks. Git R Done!
The checkout lines blurred together and when the manager tried to separate it to bring some order to the chaos, The Mullet Pack rebelled. Pushing, shouting, and hair pulling ensued. My sis-in-law and I narrowly escaped, our arms wrapped firmly around our prized Lego and Dancing Elmo loot as we scurried for the car.
Last year, Houston news showed video footage of a woman knocked down at Wal-Mart when the doors opened for business in the wee morning hours. Did someone stop and kindly help this felled lady up? NO! They pushed carts OVER her large carcass that laid there spread-eagle on the floor.
By the time you read this, the day known as Black Friday should be nearing a close. Tell me, are you of the adrenaline fueled hardy stock that can withstand throngs of avaricious people? Do you avoid Black Friday like the plague? What special deal does it take to entice you out to a store? What did you buy today? What's the very best Black Friday horror story that you've lived to tell the tale of?
Speak!
16 comments:
I refuse to shop on Black Friday. I hate crowds. Crowds scare me. But that mullet picture scares me even more. Eeeek! Please let me never look like that.
Word verification is okugro. OK, u gro. Grow up and cut your hair, all you mullet people. The 80s are over.
Hmm I am sure we have a busiest shopping day but I do my best to get presents before te rush starts. As a result I have all my xmas presents, the xmas drinks and some of the non perishable goodies!
And then there is the internet. Amazon brought me the DVDs I am giving to my younger nephew. And now to switch from mr Anal back to jamsodonnell!
I love that photo--It's been circulating awhile. Sounds like your brother might have been the type to start the brawls described here.
I would normally not go out today, but my mom and sister wanted to go.
We went to the mall(!?!). The only thing I bought was a Dr Pepper (for me--the drink of the gods), and cookies for the girls. While we were gone, Shazzy put up Christmas lights. The crowds were not nearly as bad as I thought they might be. We got a parking place less than 100 ft from the entrance to Macy's. And that was the first row we drove down. Maybe so many people thought it was going to be a nightmare they stayed home?
We cut down a Christmas tree, and bought groceries today. I did have to run into WalMart for a tree skirt, because due to a mouse getting into my box through a hole, I had to throw out anything that couldn't be immersed into a sink of bleach water. Anyway, WalMart wasn't any worse than any Saturday, at 4 this afternoon.
I should mention my dh is a "Git R Done" man. The first sunday of the year he got up and during his testimony he shared that we didn't quite finish the BofM, but he said, "We're going to git r done!" and people teased me later about it.
Last year was the first time I ever went out on "black saturday" I went at about 8:30am and I kept thinking, hmm what's the big deal. By 8:30 Walmart was a peaceful place with lots of hot deals still sitting out on the shelves. I wasn't trying to get anything really cool though. I think I bought a down comforter at Target.
This year I got up early and agonized over the best way to hide my unmentionables in my drawer, as to not embarrass the packers.
I had an awful Friday. I won't go into specifics but it involved a bruised ego. Black Friday indeed.
I have just sat and read all of your entries that I have missed during my "bad mood of november" phase...I'm pulling out of it, thanks for funny stuff to help remind me that I'm not as white trash as some other folks out there...it really makes me feel better to laugh at someone else.
I hope Mullet lovers are not monitoring your blog. You thought angry Marie’s fans and even Satanists’ fans were bad? you ain't seen nothing yet if you make those mullets mad ("business on the front, all party on the back”).
Yesterday was my second time participating in Black Friday, it was much better that the first time, but also, I limited myself. The thought of that video of lady falling and people just stepping around or over her was vivid in my mind. I did none of that.
Please people, say NO to mullets, it’s over; pretty much like the Civil War, the north won, get over it.
'Til this year, I never heard it called "Black Friday". Guess I've been in that cave too long.
Anyway, I did not/will not shop anywhere the day after Thanksgiving (and have an aversion to malls at any time of the year). I'm planning on that kind of Christmas you mentioned, actually, so shopping may be out. I know- I play it safe, so no great stories. Happy Belated Thanksgiving, Elastic!
I think I would have been more likely to shop Black Friday if I knew that stores would definitely have the Nintendo Wii in stock. But since it was a crapshoot, slept in til noon and missed it all.
Teh internet has been teh suck in this house the past few days. I'll be back when its not flipping off and on in the middle of my comments.
Damn you Al Gore and your cursed inventions!
Mullet: :D HA! I forgot about you (in a good way, not that I don’t care about you or disregard you as a person...). I meant the other Mullets, the ones I don't know and wear the Journey tees...unless you do, then I don’t know what else to type.
Elastic: Now there!, you leave Al Gore out of this one Missy. While my dear Al Gore most certainly did invent Teh Internets, it's us, the mere mortals around him that have corrupted it and defiled it; just like we have corrupted and defiled Mother Earth, what we our pollutions, and killing trees and Manbearpig...give him a break Elastic.
Suzanne told me last year she went to Wal-Mart and waited patiently outside in the wee hours so that she could buy a portable DVD player for their Christmas car trip. When she got inside and up to the end cap that the DVD players were on there was a lady blocking the whole display and loading her cart up with them. Suzanne did what I would have done and simply took one out of the lady's cart while the lady was busy grabbing more and more of them. The lady SLAPPED her hand and grabbed it back. Suzanne stood there shocked until someone handed her one (this was in Utah by the way.) It is good that Suzanne is so sweet, I might have dumped the lady's cart over or something if she had done that to me!
My family has never had mullets. However, during a certain period back in the 80's we all had perms, and we looked like some kind of new Dork/Poodle crossbreed.
jams- My oldest daughter who's into music will get most of her stuff from overstock.com this year. Have you tried it? A lot of times they beat out amazon on pricing, and offer free shipping too.
on the run- That made for a fun Suzanne visual! I miss her.
emma jo- Glad that our white trashiness surpasses most families that you know. So far none of us have been featured on daytime TV....yet.
NCS- Papi calls me Missy all the time too. I like Al Gore. I'm still waiting for his charity calendar where he takes it all off to raise funds for global warming research. C'mon and share Tipper, don't be stingy!
jedi- Couldn't you have just pre-ordered those things and avoided the wait, the lines, the murderous intents?
mullet- I thought of you while writing this. I know that you're fervently saving the world from mullet headed people one day at a time!
mimo- Poor little mice, trying to wear your christmas skirt around. Why don't you buy them some proper clothing like Cinderella's little mice friends? After all, its cold in Minnesota. Have you no pity?
elizabeth-I'm going to lick the screen with your blog on it for good luck. The good parking never happens for mere mortals like myself. Must be the Dr.Pepper.
christo- At least you don't need makeup to cover a bruised ego, and people won't ask you who kicked your arse.
wendy- Nobody wants to touch my underwear. Not even people getting paid to do so. :(
wendela- You should come to Houston, we'll celebrate Skid Row Christmas together. I got my own barrel to start a fire and huddle around, you know.
YES, I'm one of those crazy people who shop on Black Friday. My hubby and I woke up at 3:30am so he could get the projection tv/dvd he has been wanting for a year.After getting there and seeing the crowd lined up at the front door I thought no way I'm going in there so I dropped hubby off and went to JcPenney. I didn't buy anything for the kids but I bought me my first leather purse ever it was half price.It's awesome I will never want a fake breatheable plastic leather purse again.
That girl in the picture looks like someone who went to my High School. Tracy G. is that you?
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