Friday, November 10, 2006

The Sincerest Form Of Flattery

The Final Showdown: Syar Feet vs. Infidel Feet Part IV

I just wanted to let you guys know that attempting to assume another persons identity isn't nearly the simple task that movies portray. For me, it was literally, no small FEAT. (Bad Pun!)

Some of you may remember how I became a Malaysian teenage super blogger on Halloween. I've decided to relinquish her good name, mainly because I got rejected for all the credit cards I applied for using the name of "Syar." I tried and failed to supplant her here in the blogosphere, and I blame it all on my spindly E.T. finger-like toes that can never hope to compare to the robust fullness of Syar's little piggies. I mean, just look at the side by side comparison for evidence of that. It's obvious that Syar has engaged in toe "augmentation" surgery to plump those beauties up. Either that, or she's guilty of stuffing to make it look like she's got more than she really has. Alas, whatever the reason, people just couldn't be fooled by my cheap imitation of her. Duncan McLeod of the Highlander clan McLeod was correct, "In the end, there can be only ONE."

By the way, why is it such an oddity to others for a grown woman to strip off her shoes, and then put on rainbow striped socks, in order to snap pictures of her own feet while standing on sample floor tiles in the middle of Home Depot? Customers stopped in their tracks to watch, and my daughter Monkey had to usher them away with a wave of her hand, telling them, "There's nothing to see here, people. Just a lady taking pictures of her socks in the middle of the aisle. Move along now.".


Julie said...

I have those same socks in blue tones, but I'm not gonna take pictures of myself in Home Depot. You are too funny.

jams o donnell said...

DON'T whatever you do ever become an anglo-irish blogger on Hallowe'en!

Your back will ache, you will have asthma AND a couple of skin complaints, your hair will fall out or go grey and you will not suffer fools gladly!!!

Better you should look in the mirror and say "Candyman" thrice!

Julie said...

You crack me up! I had the same problem at Home Depot when I tried to make a batch of fudge in one of their little kitchens. Hey, where else am I going to get a granite countertop?

No Cool Story said...

I like the new non-cheap-socked-single-white-female avatar, it's so smiley, yellow and happy.

I don't think they were so much looking at your socks or the fact that you were standing in the middle of the aisle: they were probably shocked by the sight of your finger-toes.
I still think it was rude to stare, it’s not like everyone has the money to get toe augmentation surgery right?
See? I’m not staring at all.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

The cable went out yesterday afternoon. It's been perfectly lovely weather, no construction, nothing going on. It's a grand conspiratorial plot against me.

julie- I wanted to take pictures of myself posing on top of the appliances like a model on the Price Is Right game show. The disapproving glances changed my mind.

jams- I can't pose as an Irish blogger because I detest corned beef and cabbage, and I don't look good in green.

julie- I have a friend of mine in the church that submits a lot of recipes to every ward cookbook project. The part that cracks me up is that all her recipes specify placing the cookies/ bread/cake etc. on a CLEAN countertop. She has 7 kids. Nuff said.

NCS- More smileys than you can shake a sticck at! In my mind, it's the perfect backdrop for Super Happy Girls first modeling session. In my perfect resurrected physical body, I shall have toes of wondrous beauty! And so will you, NCS. I better start stocking up on pretty open toed sandals now.

Radioactive Jam said...

Contest suggestion: readers (or in my case, picture-looking-at-ers) submit photos to you showing their feet, in bizarre footwear (shoes and/or socks). Extra points for public places, but evidence must be included in picture.

For example, your photo could have included say, a Home Depot shopping cart. Not that we don't believe you, oh no. I for one have no doubt your story is 100% true, but - well. Skeptics; they're everywhere.

Prizes could of course be ephemeral and deeply symbolic. Or totally shallow. Or something in between.

Syar said...

hey, i myself am not even eligible for an ATM card. stupid Malaysian banks. must have sent bad karma your way.

you've caught me out. I did have toe augmentation. their scrawniness traumatized me so as a wee lass, my parents were so moved they gave me the surgery from my birthday one year. I am not ashamed. I mean, I'm happy with the results.

don't judge me!


elasticwaistbandlady said...

RAJ- You and your sexy monkey socks would trounce any competition, and that just wouldn't be fair. Oh, and I had to take the pictures at Home Depot because my own house has cheap linoleum, and scuffed wood laminate flooring. Not exactly, the lush cherry toned beauty of Syar's floor.

Syar-Settle down girl, all that silicone must be going to your brain! Of course I would never judge you, I'll just engage in a bit of toe envy is all.