Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Where The Dogs Of Society Howl

I have some very exciting news to share with all of you! Trying to start college funds for six kids has proved an arduous task, but unexpectedly they've all received membership into a very elite secret society which should pave their way into a life of relative grandeur and maybe into the position as President of the greatest country on God's green earth, one day.

Yes, my babies have achieved the same status as Senator John Kerry, President Taft, and both President George Bushes'. They now enjoy the exclusionary prestige of membering in the infamous Skull And Bones Society, and may now look down haughtily upon all of you common "barbarians." Perhaps I shouldn't reveal the details due to the super shrouded nature of the organization, but I just couldn't wait to brag about our family's accomplishment. One bite of the jelly Jolly Rogers pictured here, sealed their fate.

Don't feel jealous that my spawn will undoubtedly be hobknobbing with the rich, famous, politically corrupt, and morally bankrupt. You had your chance to join the Skull And Bones Society too, you know. Instead, you chose to turn up your nose at that display of 75% off gummy eyeballs, and leftover Halloween wax vampire teeth. We seized the day, we carpe diemed to the max, and bought our way into a secret society. Yeah! Next year, shop the clearance aisle earlier to secure your children a place among the upper echelons like us.


emma jo said...

That's where I should have shopped for next year's Halloween candy...that stuff if better when its a little stale anyway!

Mimo said...

I'm jealous.

Radioactive Jam said...

Two things. First, I cannot help but feel jealous since I am completely obsessed with (exotic and/or disgusting gummies) secret societies. And second, there's no 'k' in hobnobbing.

I do realize it's comments like these that keep me *out* of secret societies; this knowledge in no way diminishes my obsession. But I am happy for you and yours; congratulations.

And pass me some of them there eyeballs, please.

Rhonda said...

Did you know they get free cars and hot chicks too? At least they did in the movie.

Personally, I'm not sure I would want my kids in a secret society that accepted John Kerry AND George W. That's scary.

Gloria Glo said...

Just when you THINK the American dream has died...I think I need a tissue to stop the flow of tears.

God Bless, Elastic offspring! Buy your way to a better tomorrow!

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

Good grief, now you're going to be impossible.

jams o donnell said...

Hmm no bode wants me in a secret society..not even the ancient order dung carriers, not even the broterhood of social lepers and allied pariahs.. Hiho!

carrotjello said...

I'm not jealous. My kids belong to the gummy hamburger club, which gets you into BYU. So there.

Elizabeth-W said...

Carrot-can you let me know how to get into that hamburger club? 'Cause that's another thing I can put on the kids' applications! ;)

No Cool Story said...

I guess I'm too Mexican to comprehend this, therefore I shall abstain from making uninformed remarks.

Wassup Dawgs???!!!??

wendela said...

I knew the spork wielders were destined for great things! Congrats to them all.

Hey, if you and your society family members (and anyone else who'd like to participate) would take a moment and answer a few survey questions on the recent election for a project my daughter's doing for school, she'd be happy. Anyone any age may answer. You may be anonymous. I told her I'd jump over and hijack your blog for a minute to tell about it. After all, you have loads of readers and I don't. :)

She finds my promoting her page more preferable than what's happened recently: having people cuss her out or ignore her when she's approached them outside the grocery store.

By the way, please save me some vampire teeth. Thanks.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

I love it when a group of super rich people get together, and refer to us common folk as "BARBARIANS", don't you? Makes me feel all warm, and fuzzy inside.

emma jo-Note to self: Skip Emma jo's house for trick or treating visit next year.

mimo- I'm not stingy, we'll share our skeletal booty with you. No, I don't mean we have Nicole Ritchie or the Olsen twins hanging out at our house either.

RAJ- I put in the "K" because we are a secret society, and we own Special K cereal. Therefore, I must include random K's with everything I write to boost stock prices. I wouldn't expect a "barbarian" like yourself to understand. ;) No eyeballs for you RAJ, only the best will do. Like Harry Potter Chocolate Cockroaches!

rhonda- Who cares about Kerry and Bush, the more relevant to our times was William Taft, whose father co-founded the Skull and Bones. I mean, he ushered in the walrus mustache look for generations to come. I consider him to be infinitely more evil because of this.

glo- The pride, the pride!

millie- Mind your insolent tongue barbarian, or I shall have "one of my people" come after you!

jams- Awww jams, you have a skull, don't you? You have bones, don't you? Well then, that makes you an automatic honorary member of our skull and bones society! *Spines not required for membership*

carrot- My kids live in 100 percent humidity 10 months of the year which got them into B.O. I majored in natural aroma at P.U. University, by the way.

elizabeth- What about gummy boogers? We have lots of those.

NCS- Mexicans have the Fraternal Order Of The Greasy Taco, Mexico's answer to the Skull And Bones. Viva! Nothing you say is uninformed, NCS, just funny. You make me break out my cheeseball smile with every remark.....

wendela- I'm just stopping in between jobs at the moment, and won't be back until later today. I'll definitely participate though, and I call on all my fellow barbarians to participate as well.

Come on people, help out the offspring of a fellow bloggy friend, okay!!! As long as it doesn't involove getting mailed a Flat Stanley, or buying overpriced cookie dough and wrapping paper, I'm in.