Monday, November 20, 2006

Would You Give This Sandwich Its Own Website?

McDonald's did. Now introducing the limited time menu offer of the McRib sandwich, McDonald's answer to fast food barbecue. If that's the answer, then what exactly was the question? I shudder to think about it. I'll never forget my first time........with a McRib sandwich. They had just unveiled it back in 1984 or so, and my "try everything at least once" family decided to check it out while on the road during our exodus from Indiana down to the great southern hope of oil boom central, Houston, Texas. I saw many colors during that meal that I hope to never see again.

The boneless pork patty itself seemed an unpalatable shade of grey, with bright red sauce smothering the top of it. Immediately following the meal, my Mom and Uncle turned a sickly sort of pea green. They swore that they would never make it out of Kentucky alive, and we became intimately familiar with every Stuckey's (Pecan Log Paradise) roadside stand in the entire state. I said a small prayer of thanks that I ate a Happy Meal instead of the McRib. Even now, whenever the commercials start up at this time of year hawking the sandwich, my Mom crumples up with traumatic stomach cramping flashbacks.

Now, I haven't actually looked at the
website because I'm deathly afraid of seeing dancing, and singing boneless pork sandwiches with huge googly eyes affixed to the front. Just the fact that something this revolting could command its own little piece of the web universe keeps me awake at night with terrifying visions of oinking boneless pigs being led to slaughter.

My thoughts on it? They should have a guy named Adam featured on their advertisements. He could extol the virtues of the McRib, and then end the commercial by saying, "All this delicious flavor packed into one sandwich, and nobody even had to lose a rib to create it." Maybe the followup will find Adam eyeing the sandwich hungrily, while rubbing his belly, and declaring, "Man, I'd give my left rib for one of those." Ha! I'm just ribbing you guys.

Clearly, I'm the next Samantha Stevens; witchy, and an amateur advertising architect with a twitchy nose.


jams o donnell said...

Well one thing is assured, the sight of that McRib won't pull me away from being a vegetarian!

Gah it looks lie a cockroach that's bee lughtly stepped on. From your description it probably tastes as goo too!

Radioactive Jam said...

I'd give it its own zip-code.

Far removed from mine. Hmm... what's one of the zip codes for Houston?

Carrotjello said...

Ugh, you need to have a warning before you show a picture of gross slobby stuff. *gag*

Elizabeth-W said...

I thought that McRib made its debut earlier than that. I remember when it came out, and my brother ordered one. He thought it was delicioso, but the rest of us gagged at the smell of it.

Lianne said...

McRib, or MicRib as it states on the billboard in Payson, UT is like the grossest thing ever.

Thinking about becoming a vegetarian... after THanksgiving. :)

compulsive writer said...

You Adam idea beats the heck out of Mickey Dee's "McRib Farewell Tour" idea. I have to change the radio dial every time it comes on to avoid screaming out "Stupid Ad Agency!" aloud.

The truth is, however, you can down just about anything if your BBQ sauce is fabulous enough.
--Not something I expect under the Golden Arches (affectionately known in international circles as "The American Embassy"), however.

No Cool Story said...

You should become and ad exec.
"Nobody even had to lose a rib to create it."
Rock-on! WOOOOH!

Back when I was a teen and my taste buds (and brain) had not fully developed, I'd eat at McD's.
Sorry. I’m so so sorry.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Papi got into a car accident today. Some punk ran the red light, denied it, and now we'll have to wait for our insurance to sort it out. Of course, the punk got tucked away into the back of the patrol car for a little ride down to the station for outstanding warrants, while my Papi got tucked away into the front seat of the truck for a little ride back home with his fabulous wife. So, good fortune is still smiling down upon him!

Hooray for all those I already bought Christmas presents for! :)

Lo siento for all those I haven't already bought Christmas presents for. :(

They're probably going to total out our little car, and it will be finito. Coupled with the rental car amount not covered by insurance, and the deductible, and Papi's Spring tuition bill due in December, and you have all the makings of Christmas in the Infidel house with a "Skid Row" theme this year. Jewelry made from chain link fence, fingerless gloves, and chipmunks roasting on an open fire, anyone?

elasticwaistbandlady said...

jams- You don't know the half of it. After I wrote this up I found the most revolting website showing the dissected version of the McRib, but without all those cute little dissection pins. Barf-O-Rama!Naked McRib Sandwich.

RAJ- I'll give it its own launch code! How can I convince NASA to take it up with them into orbit?

carrot- I'm sorry, but McDonalds passes this off as edible, so I thought my more sensitive readers would still be able to "stomach" it. The bad puns never end!

elizabeth- It debuted in 1981 to little fanfare, and so it didn't reach mass marketing status until a few years later. The return of the McRib is another sign of the coming apocalypse.

Lianne- Why wait? Tofu turkeys are so delish. Hey, welcome back from Hawaii!

compulsive-Yeah, I couldn't believe an ad for a crappy sandwich was followed by a website address for said crappy sandwich.

NCS-McDonalds is the ultimate source of the battle between good and evil. Dollar Menu-GOOD
McGriddle sandwiches-BAD, BAD, VERY BAD

jams o donnell said...

For me MacDonalds are excellent when caught short and for nothing else!

Mimo said...

I've never had one, and now I'm sure I never want one.
Sorry to hear about Papi's accident :( That really hoovers.

No Cool Story said...

:( sorry about the whole punk-accident-insurance-deductible incident Elastic.
At least Papi is ok right? Sounds like he didn’t get hurt at all.
The car is totaled? :(
But at least it wasn’t your super sweet van.

I'll roast chipmunks with you and the rest of the infidels, I bet they taste better than McD's sandwich. And at least you know where it came from.

omar said...

Sorry about the accident. Glad he made it out OK.

As for the McRib, I'm not gonna claim it's the best thing in the world, but I didn't think it was that bad! I'm not afraid of eating boneless farm animals.

wendela said...

I've never eaten a McRib and I don't want to. But I agree you should work for an ad agency, plus do a stand-up comedy act. I think Laugh Factory could use someone new these days.

So sorry to hear about Papi in an accident. Hope he's fine and they give an outrageously high amount to pay you for the car.

As for a "Skid Row Christmas" *sigh*. Had that. I'll give you some seasoning tips for that open-fire roasting, if you want. (((elastic)))

Julie said...

Sorry about the bummer pre-Christmas cash-drain accident.

I followed your link to the Naked McRib pictures. Is food EVER supposed to be grey? I love that the website captions it "meat" (in quotes). Yup, that says it all don't it? said...

I actually tried one of those disgusting sandwichs back when they first came out. I wasn't violently sick but it was gross enough to make me never want one again.

Radioactive Jam said...

In the days before McRib there was another Pretender to the McSomething Fast "Food" Throne i.e. a sandwich designed to usurp The Whopper's following. Remember it?

"McDL-T." Lettuce tomato. Get it? Anyway, I never tried one but I *did* rename it...
For some reason the McDonalds counter persons seemed less than pleased when I told them its new name.
"Would you like to try the new McD L-T?"
"You mean the McDilt? Sounds disgusting, no thanks."

Hope your Papi's doing okay, and I hope the collision fallout doesn't wear y'all down too much.

Elizabeth-W said...

Sorry about Papi. That just stinks! We had that happen to us a couple years ago.

A Payne said...

Maria de la Cruz would have loved this post.

I don't know why I suddenly have indigestion.

mullet said...

it looks absolutely vile...then again - if i was starving...

A Lily of the Valley said...

Elastic Lady,
Thanks for stopping by my blog. I've enjoyed reading through your posts. . . you should consider a career as a writer! Your blog is hilarious.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Thanks for all your good wishes. I'm trying to pull myself out of the post accident, "holy crap how are we going to pay for that?" funk.

Yesterday, I felt so sad I had scary thoughts of self-mutilation.....but I was strong and drove past the McDonald's without buying the McRib sandwich. Are you all proud of me?

Everybody should go over and read Lily Of The Valley. Her poem about stay at home motherhood was read over the air on the nationally syndicated Dr.Laura program!

Anonymous said...

oh man, this McRib snadwich looks disgusting. i never bought one, but i dont regret it.Because it looks hidiouse.