Wednesday, December 13, 2006

It's The First Day Of Christmas

What Did Your True Love Give To You?
In keeping with time honored tradition of at least one fart story a month, this morning while Papi and I tried to catch the last few winks of blissful sleep, I rolled over and unexpectedly released a ginormous gas explosion that shattered the morning silence. Now, this is in keeping with my beliefs, since I believe that organic matter should never have to endure inhumane captivity. No, let's all embrace the philosophy of Sting and "Set Them Free." Immediately, Papi started chiding me for my sudden outburst and the ensuing foul wind. Nobody ever said that standing strong in your beliefs was an easy task. Sometimes, it's a downright dirty job. Does he not follow the admonition of the great Sting? Then, Melody sprung out of bed in one huge leap and scurried quickly out of the room while repeating, "Yuck, yuck, yuck." :(

I then remembered what day it was and I serenaded my beloved Papi in my very bestest singing voice(think Alfalfa), "On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me, a fart that made me leave in a hurry." Papi seemed unimpressed. I reminded him that we have twelve whole days of this, and what surprises may await him on the second day. Number TWO!

13 comments:

jams o donnell said...

Ah ewbl, it goes to show that it is far better to give than to receive! I wait with baited breath to hear what you give Papi tomorrow!

Carrotjello said...

I am curious about what you eat. Are there a lot of beans in your diet?

No Cool Story said...

12 Days, you started the giving with a BANG!, literally.

Tidings of joy Papi, of joy.

Demosthenes said...

On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...

...a lone DITZ ever so perky.

(Stress the "y" for proper rhyme scheme)

I laughed and laughed when I read that post.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

jams- Baited Breath. How do you always guess what I'm planning next, jams? I hope tomorrow's surprise isn't ruined.

carrotjello-Gassiness is a familial trait. Family history springing to life!

NCS- He loves me despite his protests to the contrary!

demosthenes- If I laugh while writing something then I always secretly hope that someone else will laugh too. Otherwise, that would make me a lone loon. But now there's two of us. Safety in numbers and someone to blame for the bad smell.....

Chris said...

What a way to start off the morning by letting loose one your trademarked flatulence of destruction. People all over the world must learn to do this. It makes them more alert for some strange reason...

omar said...

Once again, I applaud you for embracing your body's natural functions. Set them free indeed.

Also, I thank you for doing it 1500 miles away from me.

Elizabeth-W said...

Did you see that episode of Mythbusters in which they consumed a variety of foods (beans, soda pop, chewing gum) to see which produced the most toots? If I remember correctly there wasn't one thing that produced off the charts flatulence. I bet you're right-that some people are just more fluffy than others.

Suzanne said...

LOL!!! I think I need to wipe my breakfast cereal off the computer screen now! This could be a tradition that your kids could pass on someday! :)

Becky said...

tagged you, as you have more weird things to report than anyone...

Radioactive Jam said...

I'm reminded of Wheezy's line near the end of Toy Story 2:
"I think I feel a SONG coming on!"

elasticwaistbandlady said...

christo-It's a gift!

elizabeth- But I don't smack my gum, or pick my teeth with a toothpick, or talk with my mouth full of food. Neither do I bite my nails, so I'm not completely revolting. I also make it a point to not fart in public. Except in cases of emergency.

suzanne- Why is "Tradition!" from Fiddler On The Roof playing through my mind now?

becky- True Dat!

RAJ- Everything reminds me of music. Even gas.

Julie said...

Sign me up as one of those who laughed at your post. And my favorite comment was the one about baited breath. Oh my.


Do you know what goes "Ho ho ho BOOM BOOM BOOM"?













Santa Claus after a baked bean dinner.