Friday, February 16, 2007

I Wonder If Bralessness Is Also Next To Godliness?

And now, it's time for the first ever Infidel Freak Secret Of The Week.

The weather has turned bitterly cold in Houston. I mean, really teeth- chattering, hug a stranger for body heat, sitting on your hands to warm them up, kind of cold. I secretly revel in it though simply because it gives me the opportunity to layer my clothes. I pile on the sweatshirts en masse until I'm a grotesque shapeless blob like Jabba The Hutt. Except, I would never chain a bikini clad Carrie Fisher to me. I might hypothetically, chain a smokin hot, bikini clad Greg Wiggle to me, though. I say "hypothetically" for legal purposes. Yes, I'm sagging, dragging, and lagging, but my many garments cover it up nicely. So nicely in fact that I haven't worn a brassiere in TWO days. Yes, TWO days. Freedom shouldn't only be relegated to human rights causes, you know. I'm simply following my own little pursuit of happiness, and in bralessness I have found it.

It's Show And Tell time, boys and girls. Share your freak secret of the week right here, right now.


A Payne said...

Secret Agent Man is in Houston airport right now! Do you feel the conspiracy vibes? Maybe on one of these trips down to Reynosa he will take me with and on one of his layovers I can come have Dumass Tacos with you and your mini fidels.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

As Bob Barker would say......."Come On Down!"

and don't forget to have your pets spayed or neutered.

Jen-(Mimo) said...

now you know why I live where it's very cold.... very liberating! LOL, just kidding.
I closed Grundles for good, and now you can access my new blog through my profile... Mimo's Thinking Spot. Hope you find it!
My freak secret.. hmmm.... I don't have any.. all my freak things are public.
I really like this music you chose.

Mimo said...

LOL! I mean with this profile... wish I could keep these straight, or better yet figure out how to combine the two profiles.

Kimberly said...


I can't stand going bra-less. And if I try it, I end up hunched over like an Igor. "You rang, master?"

My most recent bit of freakishness is devouring a box of turtles chocolates in the space of ten minutes. Not sure I even had time to taste them - What the heck?!

omar said...

Greg (Former) Wiggle in a bikini? My freak secret is now that I used up 2 seconds of my life trying to picture what Greg would look like in a bikini.

jams o donnell said...

Would the fact that I go bra-less most of the time be a freak moment EWBL?

Suzanne said...

Do you feel more liberated not wearing the bra or announcing it!?! ;)

My big secret...I sometimes swipe my kids' treats when they're not looking. What kid needs that much candy for Halloween and Valentine's Day anyway??? Hmph... ***Suzanne hangs her head in shame and escapes out the back of the Infidel door.***

No Cool Story said...

Freak secret of the week: this is a new weekly feature? how many freaky secrets do you have?.
I think men should not wear bikinis, that's just me, but it'd be good if everyone thought like me, the world would be a better mankini-less place.

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

Men look especially goofy trying to wear those tiny bras.

I too hate going bra-less, for reasons I'd rather not share here. For the good of humanity, it's better if I wear one.

This song is on the Orange County soundtrack and I love it. said...

So no mater how many layers of clothes I have on I can not go braless due to the risk of impailing some one on one of my nipples. I could wear a suit of armor and they would still show through... sadly when it is not cold out they just point earthward, they are retired now.

No Cool Story said...

I HEART Cake. I love them, LOOOOOVE them.
I'm in LOVE with them.
*Sigh* Cake

elasticwaistbandlady said...

JEN!- Yes, I LURVE LURVE LURVE me some Chantal Kreviazuk. She's number one on my list of favorite Canadian singers. She could so kick Celine Dions butt in a Canadian Singer Death Match. I also like Chantal's husband who is the lead singer of Our Lady Peace. This is my favorite Chantal song, Far Away. It touches my stone cold heart and makes me sob like Nancy Pelosi when they told her she couldn't have her big fancy private plane to shuttle her 43 member entourage around.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

kimberly- And that would be freakish, why??!!!??? Around here chocolate seems to vanish into thin air. Better call Mulder and Scully.

omar-Greg has attained an aerobic level of fitness from his many hours of pointing his fingers and doing the twist. I bet he'd look sooooo hot in some leopard print bikinis, don't you? Maybe Playgirl will track Greg down to a centerfold issue.

jams- Your man boobs are crying out for a little support!

suzanne- Yo tambien muchacha. Yo tambien. Jessica Simpson lied. Swiping candy is really The Sweetest Sin.

NCS- You already took Silly Saturday and I thought I better come up with a catchy gimmick to compete with you. Super Sluggish Sunday just didn't have the right vibe. Pluck My Chin Hairs Tuesdays seemed a little offensive, so then, voila! Unto us, a Freak Secret Of The Week is born. Don't worry about gifts. I didn't throw it a baby shower and we're not registered anywhere.

millie- Who doesn't love Cake? I'm going to start a band called "Ice Cream," just so I can tour with them. Hey, everybody loves Cake with Ice Cream, right? You should join Millie. I'll make you the master kazoo player and NCS our official cowbell maestro.

on the run- After six suckling infants, mine are limping along to the booby retirement home too. They've seen a lot of active duty and sustained numerous injuries from the enemy disguised as a cute baby but armed with the most vicious of teeth. No Purple Heart medals for them, though, please. The thought of pinning it above the breast makes them clench in flashback fear.

NCS- I know. Right? Ordinarily, I don't care for Vanilla in anything, but this group of vanilla cakemeisters is the shiz! Not to say chocolate wouldn't make a great cake, but you know what I mean. I'm sure that Ray Nagin living it up in his "chocolate city" would know what I'm talkin bout too!