Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Let Me Call You SWEATheart!


Some men wear their hearts on their sleeve, but not my beloved Papi. Ever the non-conformist, Papi proudly displays his heart for everyone to see (and smell) right across his manly chest.

I was the first to notice that my man sweats out emblems de amore. I am also the first to document the sweaty evidence. When I started teasing him about his unique perspiration designs, he coyly looked at me and responded in his super suave Mexi-accent, "Girlie, I sweat hearts because I'm so full of love both inside and out." Well, he's full of something, alright. After gagging from laughing so hard at his blatant untruths, I started referring to him as "My Sweatheart." Sometimes, I croon mockingly to Papi, "I loved you from the start, and you'll always be my sweatheart." And of course, "Let Me Call You Sweatheart" is de rigeur. If only I could train his sweat glands to produce some Virgin Mary images, I'd sell them for a cool million and we'd be filthy, stinkin rich.

Ummm, I happen to sweat distinctive patterns out of my body too. They're usually precisely skull shaped which sets Papi off tittering about how "my evilness is showing through." There will be no forthcoming pictures of my Skeletor sweat stains.

I chuckled when I found this pic on the Internet. Apparently, my Papi isn't the only one with "the gift." I'm glad that this guy stepped up to have himself photographed because no way did I want the world wide web sneaking a peek at the buff manliness of my Papi's chest. It wouldn't be fair of me to incite lustful thoughts in the minds of all you ladies........or men.

14 comments:

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

FIRST FIRST FIRST!!!!

And all I have to say is this:

Hee hee, you said "tittering".

carronin said...

You lucky girl, you got yourself a real Latin Lover that sweats hearts. I haven't really noticed my mans sweat stains but he smells real good even after working out.

carronin said...

You're playing The Cure, a girl after mine own heart.

jams o donnell said...

Wow Ewbl that you appreciate such a talent is a mark of a great woman! I could sweat out a sonnet on my clothes and the not wife would just have it in the wash toot-sweet!

Elizabeth-W said...

Has he ever sweated any miraculous images a la Guadalupe?

Kimberly said...

You are evil! You just killed that song! ~lol~ My sweeeeetheart used to call me at work when he was wooing me and croon that at me.

And now I've got our phone programmed to play it whenever he calls home from work.

I'm so laughing my head off the next time he calls.

Anonymous said...

CONGRATULATIONS...I WOULD RATHER SWEAT HEARTS THAN SOME OF THE OTHER LOCATIONS POSSIBLE ON A HUMAN BODY. I ALWAYS GET CHAFFED LEGS........YER DAD

No Cool Story said...

The Cure YAY!, is this MY Valentine EWBL? Awww, gracias!

Once again you get to show off Papi, Mexico's National Treasure©.
And here I was just tellling you yesterday that Papi was a lucky man.
Dudes, you are both so lucky.

Mimo said...

Happy Valentines Day EWL! Hope your Papi gives you more than sweaty hearts in adoration today!

White Man Retarded said...

One time I swear this is true, I was at the gym and when I got up from a rigorous workout on a bench there was an outline of my body in sweat, and around the...rear...area was the image of Anna Nicole Simpson crying bloody tears!!! Since I feel extreme ire at celebrity crack-whores and the people supporting them, I quickly wiped the seat, made the sign of the Cross, and took a shower...Sweat is fleeting, or I would have sold the bench on EBAY for much money...

Carrotjello said...

Once I went to this discount store. Okay, I went more than once, but this time was special. I walked over to the candy section to browse, and happened upon a pile of "Sweat Tarts" Mmmmm, imagine the salt content in those.

A Payne said...

Elastic,
Happy Belated Valentines Day. Sorry, I'm a little late.
Don't say I've never got you anything.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

millie- Tough titty said the kitty. How much are you laughing now, missy?

carronin- I know. Papi smells super manly after working out too. I'm the only one around here that stinks. That really does stink. :(

carronin- I'm no romantic and slow songs make me want to poke out my eardrums with a fork. So, I figured, "Let's Go To Bed," was about love in its own quirky little way. Although, nowadays the phrase, "Hey, Let's Go To Bed," means to grab my squishy pillow and put on my moosehead pajamas.

jams- I have a trained eye to recognize the beauty that lies within sweat art. I'm very culturally refined.

elizabeth- Funny you should say that. I've actually seen Guadalupe. I even told a joke to her and subsequently crashed and burned. A Virgin She Ain't!

kimberly- Sweathearts are romantic too. Are they not? It sure beats the real life Sweat Hogs">Sweat Hogs.

Dad- I accidentally sent your birthday envelope to my Mom's house!!!! I know. I'm horrified too. I'll be resending it today. We get chafed legs because there's too much of us to love. My thighs are like Siamese twins. They're always together.

NCS- Luck has nothing to do with it. I happened to be a saucy 20 year old with a big butt when I met Papi. He liked what he saw. The rest is history. I tell our ninos that our love was based on mutual respect but really it was due to the eye candy appeal of my caliente Papi. Yes, The Cure makes my toes curl with happiness!!!

mimo- I'm an unfuzzy, non-romantic, stick in the mud that cringes at the first note of a Celine Dion or Josh Groban song. No flowers. No candy. No overpriced card for me. Nope. None of those things interest me in the least. Well, I do like candy but only the day after the holiday when its half off. We celebrated Valentines the old-fashioned and FREE way.

patrick- Anna Nicole came through Houston constantly last year for the J. Howard Marshall trial. Are you sure you're not a contender to be the baby daddy too? Better stake your claim now. There's already like 20 other alleged sperm donors lined up.

carrot- Probably Made In China. All of that Chinese packaging is misspelled big time. My Mom gave me a gorgeous angel water globe for Christmas. The box said it was an "Angel GLOB." Very sweet. An angel glob.

A Payne- *swoooooon* A Missing Link for my very own self! THANK YOU A PAYNE!

RC said...

yikes...that's lovely.