Tuesday, February 13, 2007

The Things We Do For Love

Personally, I HATE walking in the rain and the snow when there's nowhere to go and feeling like a part of me is dying while I'm looking for the answers in his eyes. I think we're going to break up and then he says he wants my makeup. What?!!!??? Forget it. My man is already prettier than me. I won't supply him with my beauty arsenal to accentuate that.

I'm preparing myself early for the Valentine's Day festivities tomorrow. My arm feels achingly sore from shaving this stunning heart into my back hair as a declaration of true love for my Papi. The guy in the picture made it look so easy, but I had a lot of difficulty positioning the razor and the mirror. My first attempt looked like a smiley face with a pointy goatee. I continued trying to sculpt the delicately rounded heart curves and consequentially ended up with a ginormous sized heart that exposes my many back moles like little nakey mole rats. Maybe this guy has his very own back hair shaver buddy. I wish I had my very own back hair shaver buddy too. :(
Hopefully, etching out the words, "Te Amo," into my mustache will go a little smoother.

Do you think my Papi will squeal in delighted surprise when I use my strength to reeep my blouse open? (thanks Nacho Libre!) I'm also going to serenade Papi in my most loveliest falsetto voice to Tiny Tim's endearing romantic classic, "Tiptoe Through The Tulips With Me?" I can't wait! Hey, can anyone out there loan me a ukulele for the night?


on.the.run said...

I think he will love it.... what man wouldn't. I would've helped you if I had known. I once trimmed some hair into a heart shape for Valentines day.... it was a lot of work and didn't get a response worthy of the time.... I KNOW I KNOW TMI!!!!!

Chris said...

I have the sudden urge to shave my non-existent moustache.

Suzanne said...

LOL!!! Sorry, I've got no ukuleles to spare! Have a great time! ;)

The wv was: wwyshy I don't think there is too much shyness going on here! :D

omar said...


Hey, when's poop week?

Sketchy said...

What man wouldn't totally dig that??? Here's to romance!

A Payne said...

My brother actually looks like that. My sister-in-law is a saint.

carronin said...

Payney you stole my comment and yes Rug's bug is a saint. She's called Rug's bug because she married a rug.

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

OK, how on earth could you have hair on your back like that without it being totally itchy? Hairy-backed men, I feel for you.

"he says he wants my make-up" = very, very funny.

I think the heart-shaped bald spot guy had his waxed, not shaven. That's why it's beet red like a smacked butt.

No Cool Story said...

Etching "Te Amo" on your mustache should do the trick Elastic!, what Mexi doesn’t love to kiss his woman while gazing at her mustache and reading TE AMO on it?? I dare say every man (Mexi or not) should love that.

You could always shave hearts all over your legs!, oh the possibilities are endless.
Papi is one lucky man.

Carrotjello said...

I...I...I just don't know what to say about this. We bonded over moustaches, but back hair? I have no back hair.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

on the run- I used to live with two gay guys. One of them used to work at a place called "Triangle Designs," where they specialized in, *ahem*, making people look their purdiest even without clothes on. They did color jobs, highlights, and even beads. There are some things in this life I probably could have died happy not knowing.

chris- Curse those phantom mustache twitchings!

suzanne- Why must you horde your ukuleles from me? Ukuleles were meant to share. Notice that I didn't say that ukukele "music" was meant to share. Because it isn't. That should be kept in the private confines of ones own home away from the delicate ears of the public.

Omar- I thought you'd never ask! I'm looking at tentatively scheduling Poop Week for the 19th. Care to be a contributing author, Omar? There might be a snazzy brown T-shirt prize in it for you.

sketchy- Here's to romance and modern day hair removal tools! I'll toast my Hawaiian Punch in a wine goblet to that!

A Payne- My Dad looks like that. I look like my Dad. I'm a Latter Day Saint.

Carronin- Yes, but when her husband gets cast in the local theater production of King Kong because of his "natural attributes", it'll all be worth it. I just hope that PETA doesn't see him without a shirt on and think he's wearing a fur coat. Things could get pretty ugly.

millie- Maybe he's a Fear Factor kind of guy and he had the area tweezed. Falling into a vat of hot wax is his only hope at leading a normal life. Unless Burt Reynolds makes a giant comeback.

NCS- You're "bringing MEXI BACK!" While I'm "bringing HAIRY BACK! Hey! Those other mammals don't know how to act. HEY!" Sometimes I channel Justin Timberlake. You do know that he's single-handedly responsible for bringing Sexy Back, right?

carrot- I only truly have back hair when I take my ponytail out and let my long greasy hair down. I prefer to bond over a plate of homemade enchiladas. Are you in?

Just Me said...

So, in England they make wigs of some sort for *ahem* as you called it where they are died and decorated as your friends used to do. I guess it's all the rage over there, I didn't look into how they worked or stayed on...I was freaked out enough to think of having an unexposed wig! Maybe you could get some sort of wig for your back or your upper lip. Then you wouldn't have to go through the trouble of figuring out how to etch and sketch as on.the.run so kindly did, but I'm still talking about for your lip and your back next time.

Kimberly said...

Okay, this is disturbing on soooo many levels. I mean, black hat with a brown belt?! Ugh!

jams o donnell said...

Tiptoe through the tulips? Again I am amazed for you have discovered the key to power over all men! That one song will give you mastery!

I hope you have a good and duly romantic day!

Mimo said...

He might squeal, but it might not be in delight... could be from the wisker burn. You shouldn't do it too far in advance.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

just me- One day my Dad and I were thoroughly enGROSSed in a weird conversation. Emphasis on the GROSS. And I mentioned that in aristocratic 17th century England they wore merkins to cover their pubic bald spots which happened because of their rampant venereal diseases. My Melody ran into the wall and got hurt exactly at that moment. I was horrified thinking of having to tell my Papi that I had been discussing pubic wigs when our daughter got injured.

kimberly- The black back hair ties the color scheme in all together quite nicely though. Don't you think?

jams- You HAVE to click on the link. It gave my kids and I quite a chuckle. I would be bereft in my maternal duties if I didn't show them the wonders of Tiny Tim. Now they know.

mimo- Yes. Good counsel. Things get itchy too. One time the Prophet visited here and spoke at an event at the Astrodome. I had a very hard time concentrating on anything else besides wanting to scratch myself as discreetly as possible.