The oldest of the Infidel spawn, Sunbum, possesses a bounty of clever pith stored up in her stocky, EMO wannabe, pre-teen body. You never know when she'll bubble over and unleash a torrent of caustic snark either. Long tortured by her more gregarious sister, Monkey, who's only 11 months younger, Sunbum pounces on any and all retaliatory opportunities. While at the park this week, the kids frolicked on the playground. The equipment and sand pit had seen heavy drenching from two days of continuous typhoon-like rain. Naturally, everywhere my little minions wandered, they accumulated layers upon layers of muddy grime onto their clothing. When Monkey turned her attention towards the honking geese behind us, Sunbum yelled out at her with the jeer to end all jeers. She screeched, "Hey Monkey, what's up with all that sand on your butt? Are you working on grinding out a pearl with the sheer force of your butt muscles?"
It's apparent that I have embraced and excelled in the duties of motherhood. Who knew that purchasing a set of National Geographic Kids books for my mini-Infidels would pay off in such a big way? Knowledge really is power! Well, power to step up your insult game, that is.