Monday, April 02, 2007

Introducing The Cousin Of Spongebob Squarepants , Captain Bob BrownPants!

Coinciding with the first ever ,official, commemorative, sentimental, 'Infidel Feel Good Day 2007,' here comes the Infidel Joke Of The Day. I laugh at this one about the noble Captain of a ship facing the ultimate losing battle every time I hear it. It also makes me ponder the potential practicalities of the brown uniforms worn by UPS delivery personnel. Hmmmmm.
Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the oceans, a sea captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by pirates. As the crew prepared for battle, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, which the captain wore and led the crew to battle the boarding party. The pirates were repelled. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending boarding parties. The crew again prepared for battle, but the captain again calmly bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the pirates were repelled, though this time the crew sustained more casualties. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's occurrences when an ensign looked to the Captain and asked, "Sir, why do you call for your red shirt before battle?" The Captain, exhorted, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt will not show the wound and thus, you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence marveling at the courage of such a man. At dawn the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "First Mate, Bring me my brown pants!"

Follow that with my second favorite seafaring joke, and you have quite a distinguishing nautical theme happening. Although, in my mind, I always relate this joke with Star Trek's, Captain Jean Luc Picard, simply because he began each episode with something along the lines of, "Captain's Log, Stardate: 3021."
Q: What did the cabin boy find in the Captain's toilet?
A: The Captain's log!

6 comments:

Kimberly said...

Nothin' like fecal funnies to brighten a day!

on.the.run said...

When I ran on a daily basis I would always make a runner's log... ah good times, good times.

jams o donnell said...

Awww Ewbl the oldies are the goldies! Any jokes about teh Captain's log is to be treasured!

Toni said...

That was funny! The first one- second one I think my son told me- he laughed hysterically. Little weirdo.

Glo said...

Now that's a funny joke. And then your music scared the pants off me - before I could even ask for the brown ones.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Sorry about the jarring music. It just seemed so perfect to coincide with such a momentously joyous day, you know?

toni- I heard that Captain's log joke 20 years ago, and I still laugh when I tell it.