Thursday, May 10, 2007

Wooooooo Dream Weaver, I Believe You Can Get Me Through The Night!

Listen, Dream Weaver guy, Gary Wright, or whatever your name is, I work during the night. I don't need you to get me through the night, or to reach the morning light. I really only need you to get me through a few hours of peaceful slumber without the constant interruption of weird dreams. That should fall within the realm of possibility for an omnipotent Dream Weaver, right? Just please, lay off the psychotropic drug use, Dream Weaver, and spin me something other than the bizarro world you've infiltrated my sleep with lately. Whatever happened to the Dream Weaver work ethic? Why don't you provide me with some useful dreams, like winning lottery numbers, or how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll pop? The shorter the amount of time I have for laying my butt in bed, the more calm and restful it should feel. And yet, I'm constantly waking up exhausted with a sopping wet, slobbery pillow in the wee hours of the morning.
I swear that TV station owners back in the early 1980's, had to sign a contractual clause stipulating that they would agree to show constant repeats of the 1978 comedy farce, 'Foul Play,' every night of the week. And show it non-stop they did! I mean, movies with midgets, Dudley Moore, and a psycho albino killer just makes for good cinematic fun. But, it wears a little thin by the the umpteenth time you've sat through it because you're too lazy to find the remote to turn it off.

So, last night I dreamed that I received the honor of meeting his Holy Grace, The Pope. Yeah, Pope Benedict XVI himself, rocking the robe and beanie cap look to the max. Instead of his traditional white robes, though, he appeared dressed in a very stylish black and red gown ensemble. I reverently knelt before him upon our introduction, and then proceeded to engage in enlightened conversation, wherein the talk turned to matters of entertainment. I vividly recall that I started chuckling and enthusiastically told the Pope, "Hey, that's just like the movie, 'Foul Play.'" The Pope looked at me quizzically saying, "My child, I'm not familiar with that particular film." I gave him a buddy slap on the arm and said, "Yeah, you know, the Chevy Chase movie about a plot to assassinate the Pope. It was soooo funny!" Then security abruptly swooped in, whisking the Pope away from me. Obviously, the papal security team knew that a potential threat lie in anyone who would reference a lame Chevy Chase movie.

A lot of my dreams have a precognitive quality to them, and they often come to fruition. I've made a mental note to myself that if I'm ever to meet the Pope, I will not bring up the subject of 'Foul Play.' No, I'll keep to safe topics like 'The DaVinci Code,' or maybe the vast complexities of that TV show, 'The Flying Nun.'

17 comments:

Chris said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Chris said...

First!

I, too, think that the Pope is dope. Yo. It must be the little cap he wears. Adds a little extra pizzazz.

Toni said...

First of all- Great music selection today- took me back- had to sit here be-bopping with my Blue Bell ice cream to it- Thank gawd I don't have a web cam!

Second- What kind of Pope wouldn't see every Chevy movie ever made? That's good quality work!

Third- Love the label- The Pope is Dope Yo

Kimberly said...

Good grief. I've actually seen that movie. Pretty impressive considering how incredibly sheltered I am (was?).

You funny.

b. said...

Dreeeeam-weeeavah....now that's a blast! My sperm donor dad brought his new girlfriend to Utah once and took me and my brother to see Foul Play. It was a late movie and the albino scared the buh-jeebies outta me, good choice dad, good choice.

Millie said...

Beware the albino! And I love the scene with Dudley Moore.

You're lucky you get Foul Play. All I get over here is Red Dawn and "Girls Gone Wild" - both scary in my opinion.

Millie Weaver said...

Oh, and I love "Dream Weaver" - there's probably some Wayne's World mixed up in that somewhere.

jams o donnell said...

Hmm Never seen Foul Play but I did once or twice see episodes of the Flying Nun on cable... Hmm whoever thought penguins could vly!

on.the.run said...

I have never seen Foul Play but now feel that I must. I do have crazy dreams a lot and have thought about blogging for interpretations but worry that A)no one will say anything or B)people will find out that I am insane. I once had a dream that I was in a locker room changing and there were 2 other women and I noticed that I had testes. I was horrified by them but noticed that one of the other women also had them. I asked the testes woman what they were and she said "they’re your testicles," like I was a complete moron for not knowing that. Even though in my dream world it was normal to have them I was really horrified by them and wanted to ask the 3rd, non-testicled woman how she got rid of hers.... what do you think that means? Sometimes I go to this site http://www.dreammoods.com/ but most of the time my dreams are to off the chart for it... like the testes dream. Do you like how many times I said testes in my comment.

Sketchy said...

Just thought I'd mention that anytime I start getting crazy dreams it means I'm pregnant.

Suzanne said...

Hahaha! Sketchy stole my line! I was going to say, "Are you pregnant, Elastic?" ;) My dreams aren't interesting like yours unless I am! :)

mcewen said...

I know what you mean about dreams. Personally I think they should be banned - too exhausting by far! The one's I hate the most are those that you can't tell whether they're real or really dreams?
Cheers

Radioactive Jam said...

I came by here earlier today, noticed the title and promptly had a musical mindworm wreaking havoc in my head. I finally managed to beat it into submission about a half hour ago.

Now I have a headache.

I'm going to have to start reading your posts with my fingers stuck in my ears, while I sing "la-la-laaaaa!" as loud as I can.

Either that or read with my eyes closed. Of course my comment "sense" will suffer if I have to go to that extreme.
....
Whaddya mean, how could you tell?!
;-)

Slack Jaw Yokel said...

Last night I dreamed my dad told me I had to get a job. I woke up all worried. I hate working.

Annie said...

Foul Play was a cult favorite in the Clark household. It's been so long since I have seen it, I couldn't tell you anything about it, but I am sure it's had it's influence on our family vernacular.
On our next visit with NCS we will reguritate one of it's quoteable gems and she will be able to tell us where it came from!

Annie said...

Groove is in the heart. Ah, good times... senior year.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

chris- You're suuuuccchhh a shameless copycat. Everything I say, you're like "Me Too! Me Too!" And that's why I like yo so much!

Toni- Word on the street has it that the Pope's favorite movie of all time is Fletch.

kimberly- When I rule the world, Foul Play will become mandatory viewing.

b.-My dad once took me to see the rated R movie, 'D.C.Cab,' starring Mr.T. I was 9. It had everything.... nudity, cross dressers, bad language, drug use, prostitutes. Ummm, yeeeaaahhh.

millie- I've seen Beastmaster and Red Sonja more times than I'll ever admit thanks to late night TV.

jams- I think some perv who wanted to see up their habit!

On the run-Testes 1 2 3..........Testes 1 2 3 This is a teste of the Emergency Testes System. Had this been an actual teste emergency this teste would have been followed by vital teste information. Again, this is only a teste.

sketchy- I'm not pregnant. The gods of fertility would have to be pretty strong to accomplish that one!

suzanne- Trying working during the nights.......every night........for 4 years. Your dreams are guaranteed to become weird, weird, very weird.

mcewen- I hate dreams where I'm at work, and then I wake up and have to go to work. It's like working a double shift with no extra pay.

RAJ- I'm sending the Gary Wright Fan Club to your house. They're relentless and won't stop harrassing you until you become one of them.

yokel- Maybe you should try the film industry. That's easy money and you're sure to get a part in Deliverance Part Two, and Hee-Haw:The Movie!

annie- Yeah, senior year for me too! We were so young once, Annie........