Sunday, June 17, 2007

The Smiling Infidel Shower......Where All Good Bottles Go To Die

Welcome to the empty bottle graveyard. Please tread softly through with an awed hush of reverence as we memorialize these wonderful bottles and the short but productive life they led. We understand that it wasn't the eye-catching packaging that made them so special, rather it served as a mere vessel to house the more important contents within them. Yes, because, truly, it's what they had inside that counts.

I keep my vast assortment of personal shower necessities shelved in the rack that hangs suspended from the shower head because that's the designated place for them. Sadly, I'm not the sole Infidel butt that gets scrubbed in this shower stall turned communal mini-Infidel bath house. Between our two youngest children, Papi, and all of my gear, it makes for more shampoo/soap/scrubbies/sponges than you could shake a whole flock of animated Scrubbing Bubbles at. Naturally, the wee Infidels need their bath stuff placed at a convenient, easy to reach level, so I gave them their own shower corner. Papi, though, has decided to litter the entire shower bottom with his manly man variety of masculine hygiene paraphernalia. Wait! Before you all go "Awwwwwww" at how harmonious and utopian our shared shower collection arrangement seems, there's trouble in Infidel shower paradise. I discovered that nearly all the bottles have long since run dry. The ones that look full? They're full alright......of stagnanated water from the kids filling them up. It took the large size Target bag to deal with the removal of all the crap culled from our shower bottom yesterday.

Apparently, the rest of my shower sharing clan have adopted a "See No Trash, Hear No Trash, Speak No Trash, Pick Up No Trash" policy. Which leaves me to fulfill the official duties of The Shower Undertaker, all alone. Father Al Gore will jump for joy when he learns that we believe in reincarnation, though. Yes, one day, through the mystical sorcery performed down at the recycling plant, our bottles shall rise up to live once more.

23 comments:

Jean Knee said...

Be glad it was only empty bottles and not a big wad of hair. I have enough hair stuck in the drain to fashion a large toupe.

Raesha D said...

That is hilarious!! My 6 year old does the same thing. I think her bottles are still full...when it's really only water. I got so mad at her one day for using a whole, brand new bottle of shampoo as bubble bath. I made her give me $1 from her secret stash of money. It hasn't happened again:)

Tori :) said...

My kids have the same philosophy when it comes to Pop Tart boxes or milk cartons...
RIP bottles. Or perhaps you can be recycled, er..., reincarnated into something else.

b. said...

I am so with you! Until said empty bottle discovery is made...what are they washing their hair with?? No wonder daughter's hair never seems to look clean!
And tori:), yeah....pretty much anything that can be emptied refuses to find its way to the trash until I find it!

Isaura said...

HOOORAH for your good mail!! Thank you. I laughed at your card cuz my husband and i have the same humor in our marriage except I'm the mexican maid who cooks and cleans and he's the typical white guy who isn't a very good yard guy. Thats why I call my people to come do it. Love the shower shot, mine has looked like this many times.

Sketchy said...

Is that the name for that policy is? Forehead Smack! I just thought my kids were being lazy, I didn't realize it was a political persuasion.

Carrot Jello said...

I hate it when I go to dump shampoo on my hand, and only water comes out.

Burg said...

May they all rest in pieces amidst all the other recycled bits of the green person's toilet paper.

Annie said...

Look at all those soaps! No one can call you a smelly old infidel!

No Cool Story said...

Father Al is proud of you and all your effort. He accepts your offerings.

I'm with Sketchy, here I thought my kids were just lazy :( Sorry my children, I've been so blind!
Thanks EWBL, Bringing families together through understanding is just another sevice you offer to Blogtopia.

jams o donnell said...

Ah the bath and shower, there's only two of us but we are terrible for hoarding various bottles of things. The not-wife's shampoo (she loves Aussie) doesn't last long - not when she has hair down to her waist.

With my ongoing hair loss and the not-wife's very long hair we get some humungous hair balls down the plug hole!

BarnGoddess said...

I have a whole bag of empty bottles I just gathered from the boy's bathtub/shower....but I am NOT driving 45 mi to recycle them!

shame on me, I know.

Anna Maria Junus said...

My kids have that whole "see no trash...pick up no trash" philosophy for our entire house.

Radioactive Jam said...

How about you send them all to AlGore? He'd like it I am sure.

nikko said...

I thought the "empty bottle in the shower" syndrome was just mine. Glad to see I'm not alone!

aubrey said...

i JUST emptied my shower stall of the empty bottles ava has been using for playtime when she showers. she brings her barbies in with her and likes to wash their hair and begs me every time to let her use my shampoo and conditioner. not gonna happen!

and good for you for recycling your empty bottles. i'm a crazy recycle-er. it has a lot to do with living in green city and having four huge recycling bins are our disposal.

BUT i always save one empty bottle of pantene because it has the perfect size top for my foot to rest on while i shave my legs. how else does a girl shave her legs in the shower?

Suzanne said...

LOL! I think my kids have that policy too. The thing I don't understand is why they drop stuff on the floor with the garbage can is just feet away! Oh, and I'm always finding empty containers of ice cream in the freezer when I want a treat. Hmph! :D

Millie said...

Wow. We go through too much soap around here to let the bottles collect. Or something.

The only song I recognized on your playlist, by the way, is "Big Log" by Robert Plant. I think he wrote it when he was constipated once.

"Oh! You're so gross!!!"

compulsive writer said...

Uh-huh!

And that's all I've got to say.

Jennifer B. said...

Yea for the recylurrection--or something like that.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Oh, I meant to comment and respond to each and every one of you.........but then I flaked out. :( It's nice to see that we all share a common bond rooted in shower trash.

Millie- I'm pleased that you don't know most of the songs on my playlist. that means I haven't fallen into the predictability 30-ish mom, musical demographic yet. Nope, no matchbox 20 or Celine Dion to be found round here! Big Log is a really mellow song. I prefer to think of it as being written from a metaphorical point of view. You know, nature=trees, trees=big logs, big logs=log cabins, log cabins=log cabin toilets plugged with big logs. See? It's all relevant and related.

Melissa said...

At least your kids wait till the bottles are empty. My kids dump out the contents and then play with the bottles. So, I guess, technically, my kids play with the empty bottles too...

Lauren said...

I hate to find water in bottles you think are full! It is probably my fault though...I am guilty. I never seem to throw away empty bottles because I am lazy. My mom asks "who didn't throw away the empty bottle?"...and I am silent. She then just asumes it was my little brother...teehee