Friday, June 15, 2007

Good Mail Girls Aren't Just Good.......They're Grrrrrrreat!

It's that time of the month again. No, not that time.......Good Mail Girl Booty Roundup Time!

That Crazy Bloggin Canuck, Amber practically insinuated that she could smell my foul Infidel breath all the way up into the pristine mountain air of Colorado, so she sent me some minty fresh gum to remedy the odorific situation! She also sent me a headband which she claims I can use as a miniature butt towel. Ha! That wouldn't even be big enough to absorb the beads of sweat on my upper lip. I've devised some other uses for Amber's gift. More on that in a future post.

Jeannie from Texas sent the purdy butterfly card which got front door space on our refrigerator. That's like the card V.I.P section in the Infidel house.

Isaura, another Texas peep, sent the Picasso replicate note card. It struck me as funny since during my dad's bachelor days, he only had this one framed print hanging on his walls. Nothing else. Not even a Farrah Fawcett poster. How incestuous do you presume the Internet to be? Well, cue up the "It's A Small World After All," music because Isaura not only calls H-Town home like I do, but I also know her parents who attend Church in the same Ward as us. Her father organized a kickin Homeschool Tour of The Port Of Houston, where he's the Big Jefe Poobah, last year, and completed our tour with a waiting table full of chili dogs! Yeah, free chili dogs=undying Infidel love. It's all so freaky, really. But in a good way. So, mind your tongue, because you just never know who may stumble across the things you write.

Look at the address label closely and you'll know who sent me a leetle birthday package stuffed full like a veritable cornucopia of goodness all for me! No Cool Story's gift arrived just in time as our house sat smack dab in the middle of a Houston style typhoon. Luckily, No Cool Story knows all and she thoughtfully provided me a super special umbrella hat to protect my lustrous Infidel hair from the harsh elements. I've always wanted balls, and now I have three! Not only that, but they're Smiling Infidel balls! Due to my generous nature I divvied up the remaining goodies with the mini-Infidels. Thanks No Cool Story!

Even my Papi received Good Mail this week. He came rushing in from the mailbox with flushed cheeks, excitedly waving this catalogue around that bore his name on the back. Yes, it seems that the company, Uniquely Quince, wants Papi to "embrace his inner princess" and use their over priced quinceanera products to "show off his sparkle." I flipped through the countless pages of glittering tiaras, scepters, attendant gifts, various party themes, and felt immediately grateful that we're not Catholic. Holy frickin crap, with 4 girls that would hit their quinceanera age within a 6 year span, we'd have to file bankruptcy. No, when my young ladies turn 15, I'll let them order the big pack of Chicken Nuggets at McDonald's to celebrate. Fifteen nuggets for each of their fifteen years. If they have a party, we'll make it a festive Dollar Store theme. Mismatched My Little Pony paper plates and party decorations imported from China for everybody!

19 comments:

Tori :) said...

Am I 1st??

Tori :) said...

Why- yes I am!! Crap. That means I should say something really clever...
"San Dimus high school football rules!"
(What movie is that from?!??!)

And Good Mail Rocks. That is all. Thank you.

Burg said...

I'd love some nuggets.

Radioactive Jam said...

Umbrella hat. Umbrella hat. Umbrella hat.

Mike Wazowski. Mike Wazowski. Mike Wazowski.

Wow. I can't decide which sounds better. Maybe I should mix and match?

Anna Maria Junus said...

You're hilarious!

I am bookmarking you on my blog!

That's the best I can do for gifties.

No Cool Story said...

GMG melts my heart.
I was trying to figure out what "Quince" meant ("kweeenz"). QuinceaƱera. I would have never figure it out, gracias Elastic.

You look lovely in your umbrella hat :) Your top matches the flowers and the hat looks like a rainbow...awww, hwat a lovely picture.

Kimberly said...

Isn't it great to feel loved.

I'm wearing my thongs right now. Oh yeah, baby.

carronin said...

Remember Spandex? What were we thinking.

jams o donnell said...

Ever man shoud embrace their inner princess. I would like to think I look good in a pink party dtress, sadlyu I'd l;ook like a fat scruffy bloke in a party dress!

You got los of good loot for GMG!

aubrey said...

wow, you are LOVED. happy good mail day!

aubrey said...

p.s. how long have you been homeschooling? i am seriously contemplating it for ava.

Amber said...

WAH??? Too small to wipe those delicate beads of sweat???!! I shall wait and see the solution. :-)

Carrot Jello said...

Lucky. Gosh.
I used to have an umbrella hat. Never found the right occasion to wear it.

Toni said...

Wow! I should get in on this good mail thing- I just get bills and junk! Have a good weekend!

My Name Is Millie and I Have A Blog Called Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

I think Amber sent you Orbit gum for this reason: "Got a dirty mouth? Clean it up with Orbit gum!" You big lint-licker. You doo-doo-headed cootie queen. What the French, toast?

I'm feeling pretty Nerdy over here with my most recent Good Mail addition. :) You are a marvelous individual. I'm glad you're not Catholic too.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Tori- I could have googled the answer, I suppose, but I want you to feel needed. So, like, are you going to tell me?

burg- How old are you again? 28? Don't you think that 28 nuggets exceeds your portion control serving?

RAJ- The only thing that would make my umbrea hat more special would be a signature from THE Mike Wazowski. You sly dog.....you got me monologuing!

anna maria-I don't know you but I accept compliments from strangers......and candy too.

NCS- That ain't just any old tree I'm posing with, it's a VITEX TREE! I'll have to post a linkie just for you from my post last year about the miracle of the VITEX TREE. If I planted a Quince tree in my yard, would that make up for not ordering anything from Uniquely Quince?

kimberly- T.M.I! Next you'll be telling us how your thongs feel squishy and put a spring in your step and then people will get the wrong idea about you.

carronin- Remember it? I'm still wearing it!

jams- Yeah I did get a lot of good stuff. Jealous? I'll send you a pretty butterfly card to England if you dare give me your address. You'll be the first male inductee into Good Mail Girls. Breaking down barriers and furthering the cause of mankind everywhere. Good for you, jams!

aubrey- Like the Maroon 5 song, "And she will be loooovvveeeed." We started homeschooling 3 years ago due to the poor administrative state of our local elementary school. Now, due to gangs forming in our very middle class suburban middle school, our two oldest are continuing on with their homeschooling.

amber- Just you wait for my spcial presentation of 101 Things You Can Do With A Headband. Only 50 of them are legal.

carrot jello- I'm making them mandatory uniform gear for the Gay Warriors.

toni- Contact Hot Fruita Mom Annie. She's got the Good Mail hookup,yo! I'll send you something nifty since we fellow Texas folk and all.

MILLIE!!!Cootie Queen? Who you callin a Cootie Queen? I'm actually saving my Orbit gum for a moment when I may be stranded on a deserted island and have to signal for help using my brilliantly white teeth. I think those commercials are totally based on true stories, don't you?

elasticwaistbandlady said...

NCS- Here's the blog post behind the wondrous, fabulous, practical, beautiful Vitex Tree. I wonder if they are climatically adaptable enough for your state? Believe me, after you read this, you'll want ont for your very own.

Dan the Echo Boomer said...

I didn't know it was your birthday.... sorry.

Isaura said...

I was in a quince my freshman year of high school and hated it!! i was one of the "madrinas" Those things are out of control. Many I'm sure cost way more than my very low budget wedding